1 In college, Valentine's Day came, and my boyfriend at that time asked me: You see Valentine's Day is here, should I buy you a bouquet of roses.
Me: No, thank you for a few days, it's better to have a meal.
On Valentine's Day, my husband called: Come out of the school gate.
After going out, I saw my husband in full swing at the food stall.
Him: This is the 99 skewers of mutton that I personally tested, and there is a string of kidneys that represent my heart.
I ......Later, I married him!
2One night I went singing with my friends, and when I came back in the middle of the night, I took the two girls to the hotel, and when they entered, I locked the door. I said open the door, I'll go in and leave, and then they said it's convenient for you to go back, the toilet here is blocked!I'll go, as far as that?Isn't it convenient?
3. I heard that chocolate is more compatible with ** on rainy days.
Who do you listen to?
4 In the blind date, I can still talk to this girl, so I said, will I go to see the sea later?The girl shyly said, okay, I'll go home and change my shoes, how do I go?I said, let's go over on a tandem bike later, how romantic, I'll go home and get ready, and we'll meet here in an hour. Two hours later, the girl I was waiting for hadn't arrived, so I put the folding tandem back in my Ferrari and left.
5 Passing by a stop sign, I turned around and saw a mm running in the direction of the bus, but the car had started gorgeously, so the plot of the heroes saving the beauty of the rivers and lakes instantly emerged, and I shouted impassionedly: "Master stop". Just as everyone was looking at me, I saw the mm get into someone else's car, so I got off the bus in anticipation, 12 stops away from home. What a miscalculation!
6. A businessman on the edge of the casino met a homeless man in undressed clothes on the street. The man complained to the businessman, "Sir, can you give me 50 dollars?"I haven't eaten for two days and two nights. The businessman glanced at the densely packed casinos around him and asked suspiciously, "How do I know you won't gamble with this money?"The man hurriedly argued, "No!."I'm already getting my gambling money!”
7. Due to negligence at work, a loss was caused to the company, and the supervisor knew that he reprimanded me and wanted to deduct my bonus for this month.
At this time, the boss of the company happened to come to the company, and after asking the reason, the boss said to the supervisor: When everyone makes mistakes, you just criticize and punish it to no avail
Director: What do you mean, boss?
Boss: You still don't understand that?In this case, what other way is there than direct dismissal?
8A few days ago, I blocked my mother's circle of friends, but it seems to have been discovered by my mother. At dinner tonight, my mother asked me: Girl, have you blocked my circle of friends?I said, "Ah, how do you know?"Mom said: Block it, block it, it's okay, anyway, I don't know much about your young people's circle, I just want to ask you how you can block the circle of friends, and I also want to block your father's circle of friends.
9My mom asked me why I didn't come out of the bathroom for so long, and I didn't dare to tell her: I was fascinated by myself when I passed by the mirror.
10 cousins had a frustration on a blind date that year, and then overeating, causing a vicious circle. My aunt went to persuade her, "Daughter, it's time to lose **!."Cousin: "Cupid doesn't help me, what's the use of me?".Aunt: "Lose **, otherwise Cupid won't have such a long arrow, which can pass through your thick fat and string your heart with other people's hearts!".”
11 Hair Small: I heard that you guys play a very world-weary game every day.
Me: You mean work?
12 neighbors open a small shop, there will generally be an uncle and aunt who play mahjong at the door, one day I took my dog to stand behind an uncle to watch him play, he played cards with one hand and a popsicle in his hand, and when he played the cards, he took a bite by the way, and then his hand hung down beside him. My dog squatted behind him without saying a word, and when he put his hand down, he licked it and never licked it more, and everyone was not angry when he saw it, until the uncle and the dog ate the popsicle out!
13 The buddy was beaten in the mouth, and after a few days, the family who beat the person came to apologize, carrying fruit and a few kings.
Come in and say, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, whatever."
The buddy said: It's okay, it's okay, come on, and bring all the family with you?
As a result, he lay down for two more days.
14I was half angry when I quarreled with a stranger, and suddenly I heard him say, "Don't think you're great because you're good-looking!."”
Instantly discouraged, bowed and apologized.