1 A few days ago, a master in the institute retired, a farewell party was held in the morning, about 12 o'clock the whole house of people were surrounded by the master to send him home, along the way there were talking and laughing, the front was firing guns, the middle was taking pictures, we followed behind, the people in the shop on the street came out to see the excitement, after a barber shop, came out a twenty-five or sixteen-year-old girl, she stood at the door of the barber shop and watched for a long time suddenly burst out of a sentence: so old and married! Suddenly, the air froze and the picture stopped, followed by a burst of laughter.
2. My wife said that she wanted a gold bracelet, and after listening to it, I put my hands on my knees and kept rubbing them. After a while, my wife asked why she didn't dare to agree? Me: "The man has a ** under his knees, I'm about to rub one out for you!" Wife: "It's been a long time since you've taken a shower, it's disgusting, get out of the way!" ”
It's been cold for 3 days, and my mother suddenly said to me today: "Son, do you know that girls nowadays like warm men?" ”
I said, "Well, I know. ”
Mother: "Do you want to become a warm man?" ”
I said, "Yes! Think! Think! Mom, what do you do? ”
Mom: "Come on, come on, put on these autumn pants first." ”
4While waiting for the train at the station, an old lady begging came to me and asked me to give me a dollar. At this time, everyone around me looked at me, and I wittily took out 100 yuan and said, "I'm sorry, I don't have change." When I was complacent, the old lady snatched the money and said, "It's okay, I can find it." ”
5 Shopping with my girlfriend, I will always Xi the habit of teasing the shopping guide chick, not afraid of my girlfriend getting angry, but every time at this time, my girlfriend will pull me away, and I don't buy clothes....Save money!
6 When I was eating Western food on a blind date, I broke a bowl, and the waiter said: "Hello sir, this bowl is 50 yuan." "I only had a 100 one left in my pocket, and the waiter didn't have any change.
I was thinking about getting it in place, so I picked up a saucer and threw it on the ground, "Okay, right?" Take it, don't look for it! ”
The woman gave me an admiring look, and I was very proud, sir, plate 100...”
7**: Hello, you have a court summons. ”
Me: "I never take a boat." ”
*: "Not a ferry ticket, a court summons." ”
Me: "I don't have to take a boat to the courthouse." ”
*: "This summons is not a ticket for transportation, it is a summons for the court." ”
Me: "I still have to buy a ticket to go to court?" ”
*: "It's not a ticket, it's a summons." ”
Me: "I said I wouldn't take a boat. ”
*Hung up in despair**.
8Today when I went to cut my hair, the barber tied my scarf and looked at me and said, "What a beautiful woman's eyes are." ”
I said, "Big brother, if you tighten tighter, I can still stick out my tongue..."
9 The man shouted, "Waiter, come here!" ”
Waiter: "Hello, what's the matter?" ”
The man asked angrily: "I have a bowl of beef noodles for 20 yuan, why is it only a piece of beef?" ”
Waiter: "Sir, how many would you like to have?" ”
The man thought for a moment and said, "Why don't you get five or six pieces of beef?" ”
The waiter shouted to the kitchen, "Come out and help this customer cut this beef." ”
10 Xiao Ming: The teacher dictated 4 words, and I got 5 wrong. Mom: What's going on? Xiao Ming: The teacher dictated the idiom "unscrupulous", and I heard it as "four or five eggs" at the time, and I didn't think it made sense, so I wrote it as "four or five eggs."
11I quarreled with my wife, and she rushed out of the door without cooking for me.
An hour later, she returned, put a hamburger bag on my desk, and went into the bedroom with a straight face.
My heart softened all of a sudden, and I was a little distressed, where to find such a good wife! Hungry, I reached into the bag and grabbed a cactus!
12My wife asked, "Husband, who will you save first when I fall into the river with your brother?" ”
After thinking for a while, my husband lit a cigarette and said, "Say, why are you with my brother, you say, if you don't make it clear, it's not over today!" ”