Learn more about good articles and pay attention to the good times encountered
Mr. Qian Zhongshu wrote in "The Siege of the City":
Marriage is a besieged city, and those outside the city want to go in, and those in the city want to come out. "
Everyone who stands on this side is full of fantasies and longings for the other side.
But our pursuit of the other side is because of our love for the other side, or because of the escape from the other side, is a question worth thinking about.
Too many people are full of expectations, but they enter the marriage hall without thinking.
In the end, the marriage dies due to all kinds of unsatisfactory things, or does not match the idea, or exceeds expectations.
The reason for this is that I did not make sufficient preparations before marriage and did not understand why I wanted to get married.
Whether marriage is a siege or a harbor, you should ask yourself 3 questions before marriage.
Marry him
Can your kindness still be sharp?
After getting married, many people choose to put away their individuality and begin to tolerate and accommodate everywhere.
As we all know, losing one's kindness will only make marriage harder and harder.
The neighbor's Aunt Zhang is from the village next door to us. I heard that she was a very kind and gentle person before marriage.
After getting married, everyone gave her a high evaluation.
The children, in particular, especially love to go to her house to play.
Because she is always gentle and patient with each child, she often gives children a variety of snacks.
But her husband is a relatively strong person, so strong that he has to listen to him about what he eats and when he does everything every day.
If something didn't go his way, he started shouting loudly, so loud that we heard it very well next door.
But at this time, he is often only heard alone, because Aunt Zhang has always been the one who endures silently.
She is kind, gentle.
It is not a pity that we cannot be taken care of accordingly.
If you can get to know each other better before marriage, you may not have so much unhappiness after marriage.
Unlike Aunt Zhang, Aunt Wang, who lives at the entrance of the village, has a flamboyant personality.
Her husband is also a machismo and listens to him for everything.
But Aunt Wang barely compromised, and of course she didn't quarrel.
She always argues for her rights while staying sharp for her rights.
After having two grandchildren, the husband was given full responsibility for the kindergarten.
I am only responsible for bringing small ones.
And her husband with children is getting better and better, and she herself is not so hard.
In life, if you only have kindness and no edge, it is easy to let yourself fall into grievances.
All the efforts are in the habit of the other side, and gradually they are taken for granted.
We have the protection of our parents before marriage, and we can only live our own lives after marriage, so we must ask ourselves before marriage:
Marry him, can your kindness still maintain its edge?
Marry him
Can your pride still be warm and unfazed?
It is common to see people online who are trapped by emotions.
They either save their cheating husbands or their lovers who no longer love.
Some even humbly put themselves in the dust, wanting only to save one person.
But can such love really be happy in the end?
Everyone has their own pride, but too many people put away their pride after marriage.
It is well known that this is the most undesirable in marriage, where a person loses his pride and also loses his most dazzling brilliance.
Even couples need to give each other the opportunity to worship and worship themselves so that life can be more interesting.
I have a Ph.D. friend who has been an honor student since he was a child, and he has been growing up under the pampering of his parents and the care of his teachers.
When she was in college, she had a boyfriend, and the family was very rich and had a strong personality.
This friend is not allowed to wear short skirts and sparse shoulder clothes.
But other than that, the boy was better than anything else, so my friend was very humble to the boy.
But at the same time, she has been improving herself, from an ordinary one to 985 graduate students, and finally to a doctor.
She always maintains her inherent pride and gives the other party a chance to appreciate herself. Now they are married.
My friend is already an expectant mother.
Under her radiant and attentive guidance, her husband became more and more considerate and respectful, without many strong restrictions in the past.
Maintaining a sense of pride allows us to own our own world and can also add a touch of color to our marriage. Therefore, be sure to ask yourself before you get married:
Marry him, can your pride still be warm and not panic?
Can you become a better version of yourself by marrying him
I saw a sentence on Zhihu:
If a man is a gentleman, the woman next to him becomes a lady;
If the man is a scoundrel, the woman next to him becomes a shrew. ”
There are thousands of reasons for an unhappy marriage;A happy marriage is more or less the same.
In marriage, if two people can go hand in hand, achieve each other, and grow together, they have the ability to fight the long years, appreciate each other, and have a clear direction of purpose.
Being a better version of ourselves is not only what we expect from ourselves, but also what we expect from each other.
People go to higher places, and water flows to lower places.
Only a marriage that progresses together, and only a marriage that can make one's own marriage better, can inspire our willingness to care for it wholeheartedly.
Deng Chao and Sun Li are a well-known loving couple in the entertainment industry and a model of mutual achievement.
Parenting, career, marriage, all of this, Sun Li deserves everyone's praise, a good marriage, let her become a better version of herself.
The French thinker Montaigne once said:
The greatest thing in the world is that a person knows how to be the master of himself. ”
Being your own master and becoming a better version of yourself is the key to a happy marriage. So be sure to ask yourself before you get married:
Can you become a better version of yourself by marrying him
Zhang Zhongxing, a master of Chinese studies, once told us sharply:
Marriage is a flower, but not all flowers are beautiful.
There are few marriages that can be desired, and they are flowers in the sky;There are not many marriages, but they are flowers on the earth;
The most tolerable marriage is a flower in the dust;There are many unbearable marriages, and they are flowers in hell. ”
I hope we can all have a "desirable" or "acceptable" marriage.