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Writer Bai Yang said: People who live in marriage live with half open eyes and half closed eyes.
There is no such thing as a perfect man or woman in the world.
If you keep your eyes open for too long, or if you look through the mirror for too long, I'm afraid even God can find fault.
Marriage is like a piece of land, no matter what, overgrown with weeds.
Only by taking care of it with heart can we reap happiness.
A wise woman never does these four things in her marriage.
Transform each other without attachment
Lin Huiyin once said:
Xu Zhimo didn't love the real me at that time, but the me he imagined with romantic emotions.
In the emotional world, people are always full of fantasies about their other half, trying to unconsciously turn each other into the ideal appearance.
In the movie "Lost in Russia", Xu Ivan is such a person.
After he married Zhang Lu, he always tried to transform Zhang Lu.
I hope that my wife can live for her husband and son like a mother, and become a perfect wife in her own eyes.
The marriage between the two has finally come to an end.
When Zhang Lu turned to leave, Xu Yiwan said:
You took the lamp, and I fixed it for you. ”
Zhang Lu was angry and blurted out:
I've never liked this lamp because it's contrived. ”
After Xu Yiwan was shocked, he couldn't help but ask
It's just a table lamp, how can you scold it like that?”
Zhang Lu replied calmly
You have a fantasy wife in your heart.
You set what she should like, what she hates, how she should talk.
Why are you going to keep reinventing me?
Don't you realize I'm not who you think I'm going to be?”
Between husband and wife, if they always want to transform each other, they will inevitably be disappointed in the end.
Mr. Yang Jiang once wrote:
Marriage doesn't need much great love, it's enough for two people not to hate each other.
There is no one in the world who is born right, only two people who slowly change for each other.
If you change a little and he changes a little bit, you can go day after day, year after year.
How can there be so many good fortunes in this world, the so-called love and affection are just cherished and tolerated from the heart.
I respect your life, you understand my thoughts, accept each other, and it is the most comfortable relationship between husband and wife.
Don't dig through the other person's old accounts
Some people say: The way for couples to get along is to learn to turn the page, so that it is easier to achieve happiness. ”
Indeed, in the relationship between husband and wife, the most taboo is to turn over old accounts, scold the past, and destroy the present.
Eckhart Tolley tells such a story in his book The Power of the Now:
In a counseling class, a woman kept scolding her husband, one day she made herself angry, and the other day she did something sad.
She kept digging through old accounts, kept complaining, and the more she talked, the more sad she became, and her tears kept dripping.
At this time, the author comforted her:
Your husband treats you like this, you hate him so much, why can't you turn these uniform pages over and try to put them down?"
Unexpectedly, she suddenly asked loudly: "What am I going to do after I put it down?"
What can I have after I forgive him?Who am I if I don't compete with him?"
If your heart is full of resentment, you can't hold the happiness of the moment;If you don't see the good in each other, you will forget the sweetness along the way.
A wise woman must learn to "forget". Only by letting go of resentment can the spirit be stretched.
No matter how good the relationship is, it can't stand the old accounts, and no matter how good the days are, I can't stand always looking back.
The best state of a relationship is to talk about things. After the contradiction is resolved, we can go long-term only if we do not investigate the rights and wrongs of the past and do not dwell on the good and bad of the past.
Avoid over-expectation
Someone said: I slowly understand why I am unhappy, because I always expect an outcome. ”
In marriage, if you expect too much from your partner, it will inevitably be disappointing.
In "Do You Know", Minglan who married Gu Tingye finally came to the bitter end, and the maid said that her life was good, but Minglan said something like this:
In this world, there is no one who is the backer.
It's best not to expect anything too much. The more you expect, the more you will be disappointed.
If you are disappointed, you will be resentful, and your life will be sad.
Minglan said the truth about marriage:
Expecting too much from others is a disaster.
I have a friend who has been doting on her husband since she was first in love.
After becoming a family of three, the pressure on them increased.
The husband also focuses more on work, so it has gradually become common for him to go out early and return late.
As a mother's friend, she still imagines that she wants her husband to always pay attention to her and care about her feelings.
At first, her husband will try his best to satisfy her, but slowly he will not be able to do enough.
Disappointment recurs again and again, and quarrels play out again and again.
She blames her husband for not having the warmth she used to be, and he thinks she is unrealistic.
The two people who were once close are now drifting apart.
Japanese writer Mitsuro Sato said:
All resentment is because the other person is full of anticipation.
In fact, it is not the other party that really hurts us, but their own false expectations.
Someone said: "In a relationship, there is no bubble before marriage, and it is not easy to have a gap after marriage." ”
Indeed, in this world, there is no such thing as "should", and in marriage, don't always deliberately force it.
Appropriately lower unreasonable expectations, the two hearts will get closer and closer, and the feelings will gradually heat up.
Don't make unnecessary comparisons
Writer Zheng Xinyao said:
A small part of the fatigue of life comes from survival, and a large half comes from comparison.
Happiness in marriage is created by two people together, not compared to others.
I remember a few years ago, I went to a dinner party of a college friend.
The female classmates around me are all radiant.
And because I just got married, I was shy in my pockets, and I was dressed plainly and cheaply, which made me out of place with my surroundings, and my inferiority complex spontaneously arose.
After dinner, it rained heavily, and the classmate's boyfriend or husband either waited outside the door early or drove away by himself.
And I could only walk to the bus stop sign one foot deeper.
When I got home, I was angry with my husband, blaming him for not caring about me, laughing at him for not being capable, and even complaining that he didn't let me have a good life.
After the argument, I went back to my room in a rage.
After a while, the husband brought a bowl of egg noodles with tomatoes, and he said:
Every time I go out to eat with others, I am embarrassed to put down my chopsticks, and I must not have eaten enough just now. ”
Looking at that steaming bowl of egg noodles, all my anger vanished.
At that moment, I realized that my life was not lacking in kindness, just as warm and touching.
Shi Kang said something like this:
The effect of comparison is generally harmful, because people are willing to take advantage of everything they have, more than everything else, and end up making themselves uncomfortable and self-pitying.
In fact, everyone's life is a long chain, and one cannot compare a small segment from it.
Life is like drinking water, cold and warm self-knowing, rather than looking up to the happiness of others, it is better to keep your own joy.
For the rest of my long life, I wish you and I to live simply, live with heart, accompany good people, and hold hands together.