Hello teacher, I am a senior student, I had a relationship that did not end well, and I was very sad after that, and I haven't met new people for a while. Later, through a friend's introduction, I met a boy from Shanghai.
My friend said that this boy had never been in a relationship in college and was a good person, so I decided to get in touch with him. In the process of chatting later, I found out that he likes ** as much as I do, and he is very good, and he has his own band, and he used to run his own clothing brand, and I was immediately attracted to such a talented man.
The most important thing is that we both like fitness, he is a physical education major, he has a lot of experience in fitness, and he often teaches me, slowly, the two of us are more and more in love, and then we are together.
At the beginning, he always praised me, and he would reply to me as soon as I sent a message, even if he was busy, he would patiently explain to me afterwards.
But after a month, days like this are different, sometimes I tell him something about school or I am unhappy, he will be impatient, or he will say something that hurts me, he will make me admit that I am a piece of garbage, and he will always insist that reading is useless. And he was getting slower and slower to reply to my messages, at first it was two hours, and then it became four hours, and it took eight hours to reply to my messages.
Later, once he promised me to come to my school to see me after the exam, I was very happy, and shared the news with my roommate, but in the end, he told me that he couldn't come, I said that I was disappointed in him, but he told me that there would be no disappointment without expectations.
I felt sad and embarrassed, so I asked him if he wanted to break up, but he said that you can break up if you want, whatever you want. So the two of us cut off contact.
Unexpectedly, some time ago, he came to me again. He was drunk that day, and said in his voice that he was wrong, and said that it was because I mentioned breaking up, and he felt very shameless, so he agreed to break up.
At first, I didn't want to go back at all, but then he always posted some ** of the tunes he played to me alone when we were together, and always posted suggestive things like liking me.
Slowly I relented, Mr. Yang, I don't know if I should get back together, and I'm afraid that he will be cold and violent to me like before, but I feel like I still like him a little, I really don't know how to choose.
That's how the client described the problem.
From your description, my advice is not to get back together.
First of all, let's analyze the problem that he always suppresses you.
In the beginning, he always complimented you, but later on, he made you say that you were a piece of waste or something.
This kind of talk will lower your self-confidence to a certain extent, and it will make you fall into a kind of self-doubt, and over time you will feel as if he is the very powerful person, and you are not worthy of him, which is a very common psychological control.
But in fact, this is not the case, if you are really bad at anything, then why did he choose to fall in love with you in the first place, he just wants to keep you by his side in a suppressive way or use suppression to raise his own value.
As a college student, if you can say that reading is useless, it means that his knowledge and knowledge are not very high. It can even be said that he has negative feelings about the world.
His outlook on life is a negative attitude, and if you are with such a negative person for a long time, your view of the world will be subtly changed and become equally negative.
Only when people are with positive people will they continue to improve, otherwise they will stop moving forward or even regress.
Secondly, let's analyze the matter of his cold violence against you.
The time interval between his replies to you is getting longer and longer, and it is obvious that he is constantly testing your bottom line. For example, in the first two hours, he didn't reply to you, and although you were unhappy, you didn't fall out with him.
Then he will start to continue the challenge, from 4 hours without returning to you to the last 8 hours, and maybe even longer.
If you get back together with him now, then he will feel like you snubbed you for 8 hours and you didn't choose to leave him completely, he will think that you are so easy to handle, then he will snub you even more unscrupulously in the future.
Because the message of your actions and choices is that even if he does something that makes you unhappy or even hurts you, you will eventually forgive him, and he can do it. In his eyes, you are already a good bully, and if you compound it, it will only make him worse.
Let's talk about it again, but he couldn't do what he promised.
You are full of joy and hope that he will come to you, and even tell the good news to the people around you. But he told you not to come at the same time, and he didn't give you a proper reason.
You must have told him when you were very sad that you were disappointed in him. And he tells you that there is no expectation and no disappointment, and it is very hurtful to say such things.
This expectation is what he brought to you, what he promised you, but now he puts all the blame on you.
It can be seen that he is a very irresponsible person, and he is also a person who does not keep his promises, and a person who is not sincere, how can he bring you happiness?
Now he's coming back to you at a drunken time. But the problem is that we don't know if he is really drunk, or if he is pretending to be drunk to say these things to you in order to gain your sympathy.
And he said that he felt faceless when you mentioned breaking up, so he agreed, and from this point of view, he was more machismo. Someone who truly loves you will not give up on you for the sake of face.
When faced with an unhealthy relationship, all you need to do is take it in stride, don't look back and don't be soft-hearted.
I know that I have stepped into the fire pit before, why should I step into it a second time, such a relationship that you can neither gain happiness nor self-confidence, and why force yourself to persevere.
There are still a lot of good boys in this world, so you have to take a long-term view and don't just focus on this one person.