My husband cheated on me, but I already knew about it. At that time, after I knew, I didn't tell anyone, and I accepted it very calmly, I was not sad or painful, because I didn't love him at all, and I continued to maintain my marriage with him, but I didn't want to bother anymore.
I didn't expect him to be so careless this time, maybe because he was too lazy to hide it in front of me, so he was even more unscrupulous outside.
He was seen by my cousin opening a room with another woman, and my cousin told me that I couldn't pretend I didn't know, I could only talk to him, and he didn't even apologize on the surface, but I was used to it for a long time, and I told him to be careful in the future, at least not to be caught again.
As a result, the news spread somehow, and my parents and my brother also found out, and then they divorced me.
But I don't want to get divorced, what will happen to the children after the divorce, whether I have to remarry, it's a big headache to think about. In the past few days, my mother has cried too many times in front of me, saying that she should not have persuaded me to marry him back then. In fact, my mother is always like this, as if her words can erase the words that forced me to marry with death.
Since I was very young, my mother would morally kidnap me, I didn't learn it for myself, I learned it for her face, when I grew up, I told her that I didn't want to get married, and she used a hunger strike to force me to go on a blind date to get married, my husband was not chosen by me, she chose it, because she had money, she could fight for her. I sometimes want to run away, but I know I can't run away as long as I think she's my mom.
I've had a cold relationship with my husband over the years, but my mom always said it was my problem, and I should be more gentle. I was quite surprised that she actually persuaded me to divorce this time, maybe because my husband's cheating was a bit big, which made her lose face.
Why bother? I didn't think my married life was any bad. On the contrary, I think it's good now. My husband and I don't have much affection for each other, their family takes a fancy to me as gentle and sensible, and I also think that their family atmosphere is good, and everyone just takes what they need.
And my in-laws are really very good to me, they protect me very much, and they also gave me a suite, they are kind people. When I really wanted to get a divorce a few years ago, it was because they gave up.
I was used to my husband's ignorance and profligacy, and when I decided to give up on him, I felt a lot more comfortable. It's easy to go to work during the day, stay with your children after work, and travel with friends on holidays, so it's a very leisurely day. My family and friends scolded me for being cheap, but I just made a choice that I thought would be easier for everyone.
That's the counselor's account, so let's break it down.
It's a relatively rare situation for a husband to cheat, but a wife doesn't want a divorce, and you don't even feel sad. But after listening to your story, it's not hard to understand why you made this choice.
First and foremost, you don't love your husband.
You married him because you were threatened by your mother, who thought that marrying him would be a good place for you and would give her face.
There are many parents in life who think that if their daughter is old and not getting married, they will lose face for themselves, and if their daughter marries a rich man is to save face for themselves, they can satisfy their vanity by bragging about their daughter's marriage to others.
You have been kidnapped by this distorted family relationship, in fact, you yourself don't want to get married, and you don't have much affection for your husband, but you can't escape your mother's coercion, so you will agree.
Because he doesn't love and doesn't care, there are many things he does that you can let go of relatively easily. Now as long as he doesn't cause trouble for you, you don't care what he does, and you don't have any place in each other's hearts anyway. The severity of his infidelity may not be as important as whether or not you can travel on the weekend.
Secondly, love is dispensable for you.
You said that you didn't want to get married before, probably because you didn't believe in love, and you didn't believe in marriage, love is dispensable for you. Since it is dispensable, the husband's cheating does not involve emotional betrayal. Therefore, you can accept his cheating relatively easily, and there is no expectation, of course, there is no disappointment.
In the end, you think it's better not to get a divorce than to get a divorce.
Although you will be kidnapped by your parents' emotions, you are also a very rational and realistic person. After you judge the divorce, your parents will definitely continue to force you to marry another man for the sake of your own face, and you will still have to go through this experience at that time.
And your life is very leisurely now, your in-laws are very good to you, your children are very close to you, you also have your own job and circle of friends, and you can still do what you want during the holidays.
It doesn't matter if you have your husband in this kind of life, whether he is in this home or not, whether he is responsible or not, it doesn't matter, you live your life well.
So you think it's better not to get divorced than to get divorced, and you may have to face a lot of other things after the divorce, but if you don't get divorced, you maintain the status quo, and the status quo is generally not bad.
I can't make decisions for you as a bystander, as long as you feel you can do it, do it.
But I would like to give you one other piece of advice, which is to love yourself a little more.
From your description, I can tell that you are a person who does not cherish yourself.
Caring for yourself is not only about satisfying your own needs materially, but more importantly, you should value your own feelings, and you will often put other people's feelings and needs above your own.
You obviously don't want to get married, but your mother is on a hunger strike and persecuted you, and you don't want your mother to suffer, and you don't want to be too estranged from your mother, so you compromise. At this time, Mom's needs are above your needs.
Your in-laws are very good to you, although you don't like their son very much, but you don't transfer or expand this hate, you appreciate their efforts, and you know that they don't want you to divorce their son, so you will endure it for their sake. At this time, your in-laws' feelings are above your feelings.
It's not good, because you're living for someone else. The kinder you are and the more people you care about, the more you will compromise.
Your indifference and lack of sadness now is not a kind of protection? You are sad too much, and you can't escape this situation, you can only learn how to make yourself not hurt when you are hurt.
There is no vitality and brilliance in this kind of life, and I hope that you can value your own feelings and stand up for yourself when you have disputes with others.
It is not easy for people to live in this life, if you have given up your own choices and persistence, then this life should be boring.