Yesterday, my friend Xiaobai, who got married not long ago, ran to my house to complain to me again, and this is the fifth time she has come to me crying after marriage. And lately it's been coming more often.
In fact, every time she came, she ran out because of the same thing, had a conflict with her husband, got angry and quarreled.
She often asked me, "Why is it that we are so beautiful when we are in love, but when we get married, we are so conflicted?"”
Not to mention, they have been in a long-distance relationship for five years, and their relationship has always been very good, even our friends are envious.
And it was very smooth when they got married, just when we all thought they finally ushered in a good married life, we always heard that they had a lot of problems.
Actually, this situation is not similar in the cases I have handled.
They have no concept of the value and meaning of marriage and love, they will think that love is pure and sweet, and love is enough to have each other in their hearts.
I would say that this level of affection does exist, but it happens at the beginning of the relationship, when two people start to enter the stage of marriage, obviously, this state is not very feasible.
To sum it up: love is romanticism, marriage is realism.
Pragmatic in love, pragmatic in marriage
I asked my married female friends why they chose their current husbands
She said casually: "When you are in love, as long as this man can make you happy, play with you, occasionally give you a gift, give you a surprise or something, you will be happy for a long time."
But when you want to get married, all the previous standards are not counted, and the future husband must be capable, able to earn money, filial piety, and take care of the family. It's very important to be in love, and after getting married, it feels good to be able to avoid quarrels."
She continued: "For example, my husband is a relatively wooden person, and even a little stupid, and the straight man's tendon is simply infuriating. If this kind of boy falls in love, he will be anxious to death. But when you are a husband, you are considerate and take care of your family, and after you get used to it, sometimes you will feel very cute."
Indeed, love is pragmatic, marriage is pragmatic.
For example, when you fall in love, you will definitely want to be with someone you admire and like, but when you get married, you must find a man who can make you comfortable.
Falling in love focuses on the process, while marriage pays attention to the result.
Falling in love and getting married are not the same thing, the nature is completely different.
It's like a relationship between effort and success; Hard work does not necessarily lead to success, but success must require hard work. A man who is suitable for marriage must be suitable for love, but a man who is suitable for love is not necessarily suitable for marriage".
When a man is in love, he says to you, "You are my baby, I am afraid of melting in my mouth, I am afraid of flying in my hand, you can do whatever you want, as long as you are happy, I always have a way to help you achieve it." A paragraph touched you so much that you can't wait to get married to him immediately.
But once you get your marriage certificate, it's a different story. Turning a deaf ear and leaving it alone, sometimes even suspecting that the species of men is not suitable for marriage at all, and all men are suitable for love, but none of them are suitable for marriage."
Love looks at the facial features, and marriage looks at the three views
I used to think about it, what is the difference between love and marriage?
After thinking about it, it turns out that these are two completely different projects. It can be said that a text has a certain quality cultivation; One is martial arts, a man with certain technical ability, who is suitable for both love and marriage, and that should be both civil and military.
A female trainee I once hosted, 28 years old, married for 2 years, is now divorced. When I first started talking to him, he said: "My ex-husband is from the same university as me, and when he was in college, he was the school grass of our school, charming, tall and handsome, and he was also on the school basketball team. At that time, there were probably no less than hundreds of girls who had a crush on him at school.
When we first started together, we felt like we were blessed from our previous life. But after you are really together, you will find that handsome is too useless. Not to mention getting married, it's just that we've been together for a long time, and if it's handsome or not, it feels useless."
In fact, this kind of thing is very easy to understand, let's put it this way, you list the key words of love, which are nothing more than: sweet, beautiful, romantic, missing, warm, embrace, dating;
If you list the key words of marriage, they are nothing more than children, houses, pressure, responsibilities, trivialities, nagging, burnout, housework, and contracts.
By this criterion, it's not hard to spot the difference.
It turns out that love looks at the facial features, but marriage depends on three views, starting with appearance and being loyal to character.
Love is just love, and marriage is more than love.
For marriage, if you want to manage your marriage as sweet and happy as love, it is certainly not easy for men alone.
Men in ancient times did not talk about love, but they also knew the "dilemma of loyalty and filial piety". Nowadays, it has become a common problem for men to face marriage and family.
What's even more tragic is that many men, careers and families are not satisfactory.
In fact, marriage is like writing an article, some people have a cool title to attract people in, but the content is so bad that people quit without a few glances. It's like those men who are full of sweet words, but flashy, commonly known as scumbags.
Some people's articles are not very well titled and not very stylish, and they need to be patient to read. But there are some takeaways from reading it. These are some men who are more responsible, living a down-to-earth life, but lacking emotion, commonly known as honest people.
But some articles, the title is very attractive to you, click in and read it is also very emotional, smooth and exciting, bring you beauty when you read, and bring you thinking after reading - this is a high-quality man, suitable for both love and marriage.
Love is just love, but marriage contains love.
In other words, love without belonging is likely to need to face death, or even die without a place to bury. Marriage, on the other hand, can become the home of love at the right time.
The difference between marriage and love is this: the two can intersect or parallel.
Every lover's love or every couple's marriage is actually much the same. Love is romantic, marriage can also be romantic, after all, it depends on what kind of attitude we show to treat it.
In the final analysis, marriage needs to be managed, and managing a marriage is first and foremost a technical job. Only on the basis of technology can art be produced.
And a happy marriage is art.