In life, we will find a phenomenon that many parents are like supervisors staring at their children's learning and formulating daily learning tasks; You can't go out and play if you don't finish it; If you don't finish it, you can't watch TV or look at your phone; Once you find that your child is not finished or is procrastinating, you will lose your temper and keep urging your child. The result of this is that it leads to parent-child conflicts, you are tired, and the children are also tired.
Most parents will think that their children will not be able to complete their learning tasks on time under supervision, and it will be even worse if I let go. I believe that most parents will have such thoughts. In fact, the result may not be what we think.
If the child does not complete the learning tasks on time, will most of the reasons be due to the parents? Do we want to reflect on ourselves?
A parent who came to the assessment said that she was responsible for her child's learning before she entered primary school. But some time ago, due to work and some problems at home to deal with, it was almost impossible to "supervise" the children's learning. But to her surprise, the child's homework after school, preview, and even sleep by herself at night, reading before going to bed and getting up in the morning, she completed it independently. At this time, she began to reflect, did she do something wrong before?
Why is it that the mother is loose, but the child becomes conscious?
Some educational psychologists have pointed out that a child must first be a free person before he can become a conscious person. If the child's learning time and plan are set by the parents, then it is impossible for him to develop his own planning and execution skills. Their choice is only obedience, and the child's internal drive cannot be stimulated, so let the child learn to make his own decisions and not rely on external forces.
A free environment will give rise to a child's enthusiasm for independent learning, and generally speaking, the more free a child is, the more conscious he will be in learning.
What is Internal Drive? Put simply, it's the internal driving force. Children with strong internal motivation can learn actively regardless of whether there are external material rewards or not; Children who lack internal motivation are very passive and resist learning.
So what should you do as a parent?
First, the demand is satisfied
In Maslow's theory of needs, human needs are divided into five levels: physiological needs, safety needs, belonging needs, respect needs, and self-actualization. Only after satisfying the first four needs can one achieve self-realization.
This means that if a family does not have a harmonious family atmosphere, the child does not feel the love of his parents, and does not receive the respect of his family and teachers at home or school, then it will be difficult for the child to find his sense of belonging, and he will always look for ways to meet these needs.
Psychologist Adler said: "Happy people spend their childhood ** for a lifetime, and unfortunate people use ** childhood for a lifetime." ”
Therefore, parents should first understand whether you have met these needs in order for your child to achieve self-realization.
2. Give your child full autonomy
1.Guide your child to create their own learning schedule.
It is necessary to have a schedule and plan to study, but in this process, parents can let their children decide the order of learning and playing. For example: "Do you choose to learn or play first?" You can also give advice: "If I were you, I would study first, and then I could spend the rest of my time playing, and I could have fun." ”
2.Let the child take responsibility for himself.
A sense of responsibility is the premise of self-management ability, and children will be more self-disciplined when they have the awareness of being responsible for their own behavior. Therefore, when children are lazy and slack, parents should not blame and urge too much, do not break their thoughts, or let children bear the consequences. For example, if you don't write your homework because you are playful, you just need to remind him: "It's okay if you don't write, but tomorrow you will be criticized by the teacher." Let your child know that homework is your own business, not your parents' business.
3.Learn to be a lazy mom.
There are many examples of this in life, parents will complain that their children are lazy and procrastinating, but they don't realize that they are too diligent. At this point, you can recall the things you have done "for your children", almost all of which were done by yourself.
Smart parents will choose to be lazy and show weakness. The field of educational psychology suggests that there is an interesting complementarity between the child's abilities and the parent's care. If the parent has 20% of the lack of care, that is, cannot help the child to complete 20% of the things, then the child has the ability to do this 20%. If parents show more of their weaknesses, their children may have more opportunities to succeed.
Therefore, in life and study, we must be lazy, lazy to read, lazy to nag, and lazy to do it. Don't do everything yourself, when you become "lazy", there will be surprises for you.
In fact, every child has great potential, but not all children have the opportunity and ability to reach their potential. So who discovers and stimulates potential, and who helps develop and improve it? There is no doubt that it is their parents who can only better stimulate their children's potential if they discover their potential.