The nurturing grace of parents is something we can't reciprocate. As the saying goes, if suffering can be substituted for each other, I believe that many parents will be willing to bear the hardships of life on behalf of their children.
As a parent, the differences between each individual are also obvious. In the past, it was often said that "if you don't raise children, you don't know your parents' kindness", but strangely, many people become parents and realize more obviously that the love given by their parents is not as great as they say.
Although the child clearly wants to express gratitude, the "debt collection giving" is offensive. Editors are sometimes reluctant to use the term "Chinese parenting." The motherland is vast, there are many types of parents, and there are also many selfless and admirable parents, which seems quite narrow to use such a statement.
However, sometimes we have to admit that in China, parents seem to have some common characteristics in terms of probability. Especially the older generation, the uniqueness of their growth environment has led to the fact that there is indeed a large group of people among them, who can always make a mess of a good life.
There is an Internet buzzword that says, "Silence the elderly can reduce family conflicts by 80%." Unfortunately, this view is often a paradox, and elders and parents who know how to listen do not need to be admonished. Those who need education are often unable to produce practical results.
This time, let's take a new topic: "creditor" parents. The author learned from a blogger that his remarks resonated with quite a few students:
It is difficult to understand why there are so many "creditor" parents in Chinese families. We understand that parents give a lot in raising their children, but children can be grateful, but they are often treated as debt collection by parents, and no matter what they give, they must always emphasize it repeatedly.
A typical example is that parents must teach their children to "repay the rewards" in another way while providing support. Maybe it's buying a toy, but asking students to "make progress in the next exam."
When your children are sick and need to go to the hospital, you must emphasize that "you are sick, I will take care of you like this, and when we are old, you must remember to treat us well". Such straightforward words are a bit like a leprosy on the instep, which may not cause harm, but it makes people feel offended.
Why do some parents adopt a "creditor-style" approach? There are often two logics involved. In the comment area of a blogger, many netizens left messages saying that their parents also have this habit. In fact, if you don't emphasize "return", your children can understand the parents' sincere efforts.
However, once the rhetoric of "debt collection" is added, all the support provided by parents in the process of their children's growth has already been labeled as a "price code". They demand that future generations reciprocate in the future.
This type of parent actually behaves quite "stupidly", and can establish a good parent-child relationship, but highlights it by emphasizing personal selfishness. However, instead of realizing this, they mistakenly believe that it is a successful "filial piety education". It's a pity that very few people will accept this kind of scheming for a long time.
Why is it that in our country, especially among the previous generation, there are more "creditor-type" parents? There may be two logics behind this. First of all, the original intention of raising offspring is to "prevent old age".
If having a child is instinctive, or simply wants the child to experience the beauty of being loved, there is little emphasis on reciprocation. However, since many families are still dependent on in their later years or have children in order to follow the trend, it is difficult to really give willingly.
Secondly, there is a lack of confidence and trust in their children, and there is an inexplicable wariness mentality. Their relationship with their children is a bit like that of a boss and his employees. Even if there is a little bit of "welfare", it must be emphasized to the subordinates, and there is a great fear of "waste".
It's like a company that distributes two barrels of soybean oil, but has to give a speech. Originally, the employees were very happy, but once they heard the leader deliberately emphasize that "you must remember the good of the company and redouble your efforts in the future", no one appreciated it.
If parents themselves have a similar "problem" of showing off, perhaps they can bring my example into it, and you can understand why it is difficult to cultivate truly filial offspring by frequently emphasizing their own contributions.
There are three types of parents, and hopefully you're not the last.
First-class parents nurture their offspring through their own efforts and intentions, but they never boast of their efforts. Children grow up in a loving environment, not only full of self-confidence, but also deeply feel the selfless dedication of their parents, and the family relationship is harmonious and harmonious.
Second-rate parents will also work hard and do their best to take care of their children, but they always talk about their own merits and always remind students to cherish and be grateful. This is offensive, so I have to keep my distance.
The most worrying are third-rate parents, who lack the capacity of their own and have little concern for their children's studies and work. Even at a very young age, students are asked to repay themselves by doing jobs and doing odd jobs. This not only shows a neglect of the duty of parenthood, but also takes pride in it, as if showing off that it is willing to make students suffer.
【Topic】What kind of parents are you? If you had offspring, which one would you do?