Middle-aged and elderly blind dates, having a house and a salary is almost an entry threshold, "women can still accept no house, but men must have a house".
*58 years old this year, is a public welfare matchmaker in Qingdao City. Since 2007, in May and October, she will organize a large-scale blind date for middle-aged and elderly people in Zhongshan Park. When there are many people, there are three or four thousand people who sign up at a time.
Every Saturday, there will also be a small blind date bureau, where four or five pairs of elderly people can be matched on the spot, and they can go to the nearby park for a walk, chat, and enhance understanding. Over the past 17 years, ** has found happiness in the second half of life for more than 2,800 pairs of elderly people.
In her perennial observations, the old people gradually changed from not daring to find a partner and afraid of being gossiped about to being generously loved. There are also elderly people who have lost their enthusiasm for life due to widowhood, and after finding a partner again, they have regained their confidence.
Some people even sighed that the current wife is "better than the original match".
As a matchmaker specializing in middle-aged and elderly people, I know at a glance what kind of person can hold hands successfully. There are some old people who she has the heart to make peace and seem to be a good match, but the results are not always ideal.
Even in old age, it is still a very common phenomenon to be picky, ** said, they want to "look at**, pick the looks". An aunt once bluntly expressed her dissatisfaction with the blind date, "Look at his face, there are so many wrinkles".
Some people value looks, while others care about age. An uncle who loves to play poker, in his seventies, told ** clearly that he wanted to find a woman of fifty-six or seventeen, "or about the same age as himself, but young as he looked". This is the old man's blind date standard, and he will never lower his requirements. Later, at the blind date bureau, he met forty or fifty women intermittently, but all of them were unsuccessful.
* Quick talk, "If he makes this kind of request, it is okay if he is very handsome or has a very high salary, but his conditions are relatively average." ”
I've seen too many criteria for choosing a mate.** I've come to an unbreakable conclusion:Having a house and a salary is almost a threshold for entry, "women can still accept no house, but men must have a house".Further development is often based on this premise.
* I don't think it's strange, it's just that in real life, there aren't so many eligible elderly people to choose from, not to mention, "a high salary doesn't necessarily mean that you are willing to spend it". Therefore, she often comforts the picky old people that they can try to have a relationship if the conditions are about the same, so as not to miss the opportunity.
Over the years, many elderly people have conveyed regrets to ** - they used to always pick and choose, and they were not satisfied with every blind date, and when they were old or seriously ill and hospitalized, they lost the qualification to find a partner. With reduced mobility, they are excluded from the selection of mates.
According to her observation, in the middle-aged and elderly blind date market, the points of popularity of men and women are not exactly the same. Those retired men with an establishment are the most popular, especially the civil servants, career editors or the elderly who have served in the army, "not only have high salaries, but also have better quality", which is the first choice of many women.
As for women, physical appearance is important, but "simplicity" is a more crucial point. Men mostly like women who are good-looking and can dress upHowever, "red nails and red lips are not good, some bewitching", it is better to look solemn and talk simplely, because such women usually do not spend money indiscriminately and are the most "able to live".
The blind date conference held in 2013 had many participantsCourtesy of the narrator.
If the mate selection criteria are subdivided, those women with sons are almost at the bottom of the blind date market.
* I once introduced a single aunt who has money and a house with a son, but the man is unwilling to do so anyway. He was worried, "What if we get old and the boy grows up, and I have a conflict with his mother, and he beats me?" Don't say give me two slaps, I'm scared when my eyes stare at me. ”
However, standards are often no match for fate.
In the words of **, if you don't like it, there will be 10,000 reasons for inappropriateness, and if you get in the match, nothing is a problem.
There was a widowed uncle who asked him not to divorce or take his son on a blind date. ** introduced an aunt who was divorced with a son and persuaded him to meet and chat first. The aunt is beautiful, cheerful, versatile, and "especially loves to sing".
At first, the uncle was a little reluctant, but after a few contacts, he took the initiative to tell **,"This man is even better than you say". After getting along for two or three years, the two decided to register their marriage and sent joy candy to **.
In addition to the external conditions, ** feels that companionship is the "just need", and it is also the meaning of "wife".
The old man she was most impressed by was Cui Jianguo.
That was more than 10 years ago, and the blind date event was still in its early days, and there were about fifty or sixty elderly people who signed up every day. At that time, ** was registering in the house, Cui Jianguo was walking back and forth outside, and from time to time he put his hands on the glass door and quietly looked into the house. When there are few people in the afternoon, ** goes out to greet him, "You come in and say something".
Cui Jianguo is almost 70 years old, he used to be a worker, but after being laid off, he started a business and earned a little money, and his three sons are all married. Unfortunately, about five or six years ago, his wife, who had been with him all his life, died.
He felt that "it is not interesting to live alone", so he often went to the pharmacy to secretly buy sleeping pills, hid them under the bed, and "waited for the day when he lived enough, he would go to his wife".
The reason why I came to sign up for a blind date was also because my youngest son heard that there was a friendship activity and persuaded him to participate. Remember, he spoke with his eyes closed, "without any energy, as if his soul had been drained away." ”
Event site|Courtesy of the narrator.
Fortunately, Cui Jianguo did not pick, did not mention any conditions, and was willing to give full authority to ** to be responsible. There's nothing incomprehensible about this, "In their previous era, they were also introduced by a matchmaker to get married." ”
Soon, ** matched him with an aunt: five or six years younger than him, the same wife died, a son and a daughter, used to be a worker in an enterprise, and had a house of his own.
The external conditions were comparable, and the two old men quickly came together. When I saw Cui Jianguo again, I found that his whole person became more energetic, and he was completely two people from before, "happy all day long".
* I always feel that when the elderly fall in love, it is the most important thing to find someone who can live a down-to-earth life, and to have someone to accompany them in the second half of their lives. It doesn't matter if you love it or not.
There are also many elderly people looking for their wives because they lack a sense of security.
* I have been dealing with the elderly all year round and have heard too many stories.
Li Guifang, who lives alone, accidentally fell at home, and no one noticed until the child couldn't get through to her **, and then realized that there might be something wrong with her mother. When the children arrived at the door, they found that the door was locked, so they had to jump in through the kitchen window and take the elderly to the hospital.
An Aunt Zhang, a former accountant with two daughters, died when she was fifty years old. Because of the deep relationship between the two, Aunt Zhang felt that finding a wife again was "sorry for her husband" and kept her single. She raised the children by herself, and watched them go to work and start a family.
Now that I'm older, my health is not as good as before. When she was in her seventies, Aunt Zhang had a heart attack one night and fell directly from the bed to the ground, sweat beads running down her cheeks to the floor, but she couldn't get up to call for help**. After a few hours, she finally relented, and she quickly contacted her daughter.
Afterwards, Aunt Zhang called**to**, wanting to use her own experience to advise others, "When you can find your wife, let's hurry up, it's life-saving." ”And Aunt Zhang herself is not only unable to walk normally, but also sick. ** Helplessly, "Generally speaking, this situation is difficult to find again."
Liu Zhangui also had the idea of finding another partner after an accident.
One day, he was resting on the bed without any warning, and his lower body suddenly couldn't move. Liu Zhangui was in a hurry, wrapped himself in the quilt, rolled out of bed, and then moved to the living room, and finally dialed out the life-saving **.
But the eldest daughter is clearly against finding a wife. In her opinion, only two or three years after her mother's death, her father actually had to find a new love. For this reason, Liu Zhangui argued with his daughter"Which provision of the Marriage Act says that an old man cannot remarry? Can only you young people get married? I didn't break the law either. ”
Liu Zhangui is not the only old man who has been obstructed by his children. After Lu Liang's wife died, he also had a dispute with the children over a blind date"I just want to find someone who can give me a 120.", he said bluntly. Now, whenever Lu Liang's leg hurts, his wife will push him in a wheelchair and go to the hospital for acupuncture.
Although some children do not want their parents to enter a relationship again for various reasons, in general, "most people are very happy for their parents to find a wife." ”
There is also no shortage of posts on social platforms to help parents find a partner, often detailing the parents' date of birth, income, and family members. Some people in the comment area took the opportunity to hang out their parents' information, and some people helped their parents apply, which seemed to be quite attentive.
On social platforms, help parents find notes for their spouses|Screenshot.
After all, most of the elderly only live together, and rarely choose to register their marriage, which poses no threat to the property of both parties. "They don't have to get a license, they don't have children, they don't need to be restrained from cheating, they can't cheat, and they don't create wealth together."
Hand in hand here successful,Both parties will write the agreement in black and white, "The individual's house is personal". "If there is no threat to the child, how can the child not want to have one more person to take care of the parents? Why not, right? ”
In fact, finding a wife has also gone through a process from being stigmatized to being widely accepted. **I have been a public welfare matchmaker for 17 years, and I have obvious feelings in this regard. In the early years, looking for a wife would be gossiped about. Some people talk in private, pointing fingers, "It's really not ashamed to find a partner at such an age."
"It's a woman, it's a free nanny for others, there's no shortage of food or drink, and what are you doing with those old things. It's said that the men are all for your money, Ou Yo, when you run out of money, kick you and run away."
The old man himself minded. ** said that there were programs to shoot before, and the old people were reluctant to show their faces, "I can only shoot my back and my ass." Also interviewed? If they die, there will be no one out of three or four thousand people who can interview."
And now, when there is a need for filming, the old people are willing to actively cooperate. ** Sighing, "Now that society is more open and tolerant, everyone has the right to pursue happiness." ”
*And the elderly at the event site|Courtesy of the narrator.
Unlike young people, the Elderly Blind Date Bureau tends to be more straight to the point. Uncles and aunts are very generous, and they will chase after the people they like to talk. "Let's talk, big girl? The person who was asked didn't squirm, "Big brother, what conditions are you?" ”
As long as you look at the right eye, you will put down the next sentence directly, simply and rudely, "Let's talk".
According to the registration data, ** said that the ratio of men and women on blind dates was roughly stable at 1:3. However, generally by the age of seventy-five or sixteen, many ladies no longer bother to look for them, but there are still many men in their seventies and eighties"Men can't bear loneliness, even if they are eighty, they still have to look for it, and they may feel that at least there is someone to talk to. ”
The eldest uncle was born in 1933 and was already in his nineties. In April this year, he found ** to sign up, and was introduced by his old comrades-in-arms. Many years ago, it was through ** that the old comrades-in-arms found a suitable wife.
* introduced him to an 82-year-old aunt, but the aunt did not like him, "I thought he was a little dirty", * added, "My uncle used to love swimming, and now he still exercises, I didn't think it would be too clean".
Of course, the old man also has his own calculations. He is a retired cadre, and his pension is considerable, which is an important bargaining chip when he goes on a blind date, but when he talks about pension, he doesn't tell the truth. "However, at his age, it doesn't matter if he can find it or not. ”
Before the pandemic, ** would organize two large-scale blind dates every year, in May and October, with three to four thousand people attending at a time. After being reported by CCTV, not only Qingdao, but also all over the country, Inner Mongolia, Xinjiang, Shaanxi, Henan and even Hong Kong also came to the door.
Information of some of the elderly|Courtesy of the narrator.
One of them is Zhang Aiping, a native of Xinjiang whose daughter has opened a company in Qingdao. After seeing the blind date event organized by ** on the TV station, his daughter took him to sign up. Zhang Aiping is in his early 70s, about 175cm tall, not fat or thin, he was a power plant cadre before retirement, "At first glance, he is Zhou Zhouzheng, a very high-quality person." ”
Zhang Aiping was very popular as soon as he came, and "the aunts are not stupid". The last person who held hands with him was an old classmate invited by an aunt at the scene, and on the first day of coming, the two took a fancy to each other. ** I heard my aunt say, "Men are not very generous, but daughters are very filial, a flower is thousands, buy clothes for the elderly or something." ”
On the seventh day of July last year, the third Single Elderly Festival was held. "Many aunts have put on makeup and dressed up beautifully, and the uncles have also cleaned up", like a festival and a market, gathered in the old place, Zhongshan Park.
In addition to large-scale blind dates, small blind dates are also organized every Saturday, but because of the limited space, "there are only four or five pairs of elderly people at a time". They usually just come to meet, have a few chats, get to know the situation, and then go to the surrounding parks in pairs. As for whether it will succeed or not, it depends on whether both parties are willing or not.
Many elderly people who have lost confidence in life due to widowhood and divorce have regained the courage to face life with their new partners.
An Aunt Wang, who was not yet 60 years old when her wife died, was forced to go on a blind date by her 80-year-old mother. The aunt suffers from depression and is in a very low mood, saying that she often wants to jump from the upper floors. Afraid of scaring others, I also thought about putting a "cloth cover" on my head.
* Introduced an uncle to Aunt Wang, "one year older than her, very husband and wife", and the two chatted speculatively when they first met. Knowing Aunt Wang's current situation, Uncle was infinitely tolerant of her emotions and got along very well. When she went to the street, her uncle would take her aunt's hand and cross the street, knowing that she loved fish, so he would cook it for her twice a day.
Aunt Wang saw that her uncle loved dumplings and steamed buns, so she cooked for him herself, and often took the initiative to help him wash his clothes, "his spirit was immediately better".
After a while, ** met Aunt Wang on the road and asked her if her depression was better. Auntie smiled and replied, "Where do I have time to be depressed now?" ”
There is also an Aunt Yuan, who was once sick at home and was taken care of by her son. The man who knew her on a blind date missed her, and insisted on coming to the house on a snowy day, and in the end, the two wore quilts and watched the snow all night.
Aunt Yuan had surgery, the child gave birth to a second child, and the uncle followed to take a hand; The uncle wants to cook for his granddaughter, and Aunt Yuan is also busy with him. The uncle even took the initiative to hand over the salary card, but Aunt Yuan did not accept it. She said to ** in private, "The wife you found for me is better than my original partner."
There is love, and naturally there are contradictions.
*A pair of old people who had a quarrel on the second day of the Lunar New Year called her**. The uncle was so angry that he found a small cart and went back to her house with her luggage, determined to "pull him down".
* Persuaded and persuaded, mentioning that my uncle used to take my aunt out to travel and buy souvenirs, and my aunt barely discouraged. "There is no one who can live without quarrels,* said.
She remembered that once when it was raining, her aunt kept looking out the window, and only after asking did she find out that it was her uncle who had gone out, and her aunt was worried that he would get wet and wanted to pick him up with an umbrella.
As for whether it is considered love, ** I think that at this age, the family affection between the elderly is naturally more, but, "When one person goes out, another person will be worried, and there is something delicious to think about leaving to his wife, isn't this love?" ”
In the past 17 years, she has contributed to more than 2,800 pairs of elderly people, seeing that she is busy, her husband and daughter often help.
2023 event site|Courtesy of the narrator.
She often discusses relationship issues with her daughter, and both of them agree that "you can't fall in love".
*I have also been in contact with old people who were "in love with the brain" when they were young.
The aunt's name is Li Guimei, when she was in her early twenties, her parents and herself had good jobs, but she insisted on falling in love with a man whose family was not favorable, and she got married without hesitation. When the child was one or two years old, the man began to commit domestic violence, and although he was soon divorced, the son followed the man, and the aunt herself is still living in a low-rent house.
Maybe I watched too many blind date scenes, and I also heard too much about the story of "chicken feathers", ** said that I gradually figured it out and no longer urged my daughter to fall in love"Children's happiness is the most important thing, what to do if you don't talk about it unreliable."
She remembered that her daughter had told her that a boy came to offer her hospitality when he had a girlfriend, and the mother and daughter immediately agreed:
Such a man must not be wanted. ”