Approaching the Spring Festival, the warm festive atmosphere has permeated every family. My aunt Chen Hui called** to my mother and told her that the family of seven was going back to her hometown for the New Year, and by the way, to see the condition of the old house.
My mom was thrilled to hear the news. She and her aunt grew up together since childhood and have a deep relationship. My mother warmly invited and said, "Sister Hui, you must come to my house for a few days!" We haven't seen each other in years, and there's so much to talk about. ”
Chen Hui also gladly accepted her mother's warm invitation. She promised to come to my house during the Spring Festival.
Originally, Chen Hui planned to book two hotel rooms because she has a family of seven, including her husband, two sons and two daughters-in-law.
However, after checking the hotel's **, she found that the room rate increased amazingly during the Spring Festival, each room cost three or four hundred yuan a day, and after staying for ten days, the room rate would reach several thousand yuan, which made Chen Hui feel a lot of financial pressure.
So, she suddenly thought of my house. My house is only about three kilometers away from her old house, which is very convenient. And my house is more spacious, it is a three-story detached courtyard, and the rooms and facilities are quite good.
So, Chen Hui called my mother and asked if she could stay at my house for more than ten days. Originally, my mother just planned to invite Aunt Chen Hui to come over alone, but she didn't expect her to bring the whole family with her.
The Spring Festival is approaching quickly, and Aunt Chen Hui's family arrives as planned. As soon as I got out of the car, Chen Hui hugged my mother tightly, and the two of them were so excited that tears welled up.
I was also very warm with them, helping with the luggage and making sure everything was in order. Chen Hui's family moved into our house and began a 14-day Spring Festival life.
In the early days, we were all very happy, my mother and I cooked delicious meals every day, and Chen Hui often came to help.
Everyone laughed and the atmosphere was very harmonious.
However, the good times were short-lived. It didn't take long for Chen Hui's family to exhibit all kinds of inappropriate behaviors in their lives, which made my mother and I feel that they didn't know anything about proportion.
For example, every morning, my mother always got up early in the morning to cook porridge and porridge. However, Chen Hui's eldest son and daughter-in-law felt that eating porridge was too monotonous and began to ask for noodles or cakes.
Not only that, but they are also picky about the meals their mom cooks. Once while eating, the eldest daughter-in-law said that the dish fried by her mother was too sweet, and she didn't like to eat it very much.
In fact, we locals are used to eating some slightly sweet home-cooked food, and my daughter-in-law has never complained before. But somehow, the people of Chen Hui's family seem to be very picky about all kinds of details.
In addition, Chen Hui's two grandchildren, aged 8 and 6, are noisy all day long, which brings a lot of noise disturbance to our home.
Although we usually spoil our children, when it is time to go to bed or eat, children should know how to pay attention to the rules and should not disturb adults.
Through a series of signs, it can be seen that Chen Hui's family has little understanding of my family's life style and habits, and their behavior also lacks proportionality and consideration.
The 14 days of the Chinese New Year are over soon, and it is time for Chen Hui's family to go back to the city. At the time of parting, Chen Hui's eldest son suddenly took out 800 yuan in cash and wanted to give my mother as food expenses during this time.
My mom vehemently refused the money. Chen Hui's eldest son didn't force it, but just said that if he put it on the table, if his mother didn't mind, he would take it and spend it.
Seeing the way they insisted, my mom was a little angry. She said to me, "Look at them, what do you mean?" 7 people live for half a month, and they give 800 yuan? What did they think of me? Turning your whole home into a free guest house? ”
I also think that the eldest cousin's approach is a bit unreasonable, 800 yuan is indeed too cheap compared to their 14-day stay.
I said, "Mom, you should be a piece of your eldest cousin's heart, and you should not be like them." If we can help, we will help, and you should accumulate virtue and do good. ”
When my mother heard me say this, her face softened a little, but she still said resolutely: "I must not ask for this money!" If they accept it, they will feel even more indifferent, and they will feel that they will be justified in being willful if they give money. ”
Seeing my mother's resolute attitude, I didn't say anything more and let her decide. In fact, I understand my mother's feelings, our family is not short of money, and succumbing to that money will only make us lose our dignity.
And I understand that my mother is more interested in human affection than money. She and Aunt Chen Hui grew up together, and the starting point was to really want to help them, not to get paid.
Now Chen Hui's family's actions make my mother feel that they don't treat our family as their own.
I tried my best to persuade my mother not to pay too much attention to the 800 yuan, money and wealth come and go, but my mother still can't let go. She said that she would never trust her relatives and friends easily in the future, and she needed to grasp her own sense of proportion.
I see that my mother has been depressed a lot about this in the past few days, and I secretly regret that if I had known that my aunt's family was like this, I should have thought of a good excuse to refuse them to come.
This incident made our mother and daughter deeply understand a truth: in the world of human feelings, we can't just look at the surface and the past, when others touch the bottom line, we must dare to say no to maintain our dignity.
Since the unpleasant experience of the Spring Festival, my mother has kept some distance from Aunt Chen Hui's family. However, when the Mid-Autumn Festival was approaching, Aunt Chen Hui called ** again, saying that she and her eldest son's family were going to come to worship their ancestors during the Mid-Autumn Festival, and by the way, they wanted to sit at our house.
I listened to my mother tell me about the ** content, and I immediately noticed that she was very embarrassed. I understand that my mother and Aunt Chen Hui grew up together since childhood, and their relationship is very deep, and I can't bear to refuse my aunt's request directly.
I advised my mother not to pay too much attention to it, just let my aunt come over, it is a good thing to meet during the Mid-Autumn Festival. Mom frowned, muttered for a long time, and finally shook her head and said, "I really had enough of their family last time, your aunt herself is fine, and I am reluctant to refuse her directly."
Forget it, don't come this time, I'll send a message to my aunt to refuse. ”
Seeing my mother's hesitant expression, I offered to help her deal with the matter. I said, "Mom, don't be embarrassed, leave this matter to me."
Don't worry about it, leave it to me.
Mom thought about it and thought it was a good idea, so she nodded and said, "Okay, you can do it, anyway, I'm not very good at saying no tactfully."
So I went online for help, and posted in a forum asking other netizens how to learn to refuse tactfully without hurting the relationship.
Soon, some netizens replied, saying that learning to set your own bottom line is the key, and when other people's requests or behaviors exceed the bottom line, you must know how to refuse.
In addition, some netizens said that it is not easy to reject others, but as long as the attitude is tactful and the expression is appropriate, the other party can usually understand.
After reading the advice from netizens, I deeply realized that I and my mom need to improve our ability to set the bottom line and reject others.
It takes courage and determination to be clear about the bottom line and to have a decisive rejection when the bottom line is violated, but I believe that through practice, we will gradually become more proficient.
After getting these suggestions, I told my mom that I already had a way to say no to my aunt. I will reach out to her to express our plight and sincere apologies, and hope that she will understand.
After receiving my mother's support, I am confident in coping with my aunt's Mid-Autumn Festival invitation. This experience taught me that the way to live in the world is to be measured, and the courage to say no is a key step in protecting yourself. List of high-quality authors