1 hooligan, I beat you to death, I have never seen anyone peeking at people taking a bath and bringing snacks.
In the middle of the night, I was playing with my mobile phone and eating snacks under my neighbor's window, and suddenly the door opened, and a mm with a bath towel called me with a broom: "Hooligans, I will kill you, I have never seen anyone peeking at people taking a bath and bringing snacks".
Eldest sister, I'm really here to rub the wifi, it's all tears when I talk too much, big sister, don't fight, listen to me explain first!
2I wanted to build a house in my hometown in the countryside, and the foreman said, "How much do you want to build?" Now there are two or three hundred thousand, seven or eight hundred thousand, and the minimum is 100,000, and there is no upper limit. ”
Considering the shortage of funds, I chose a 100,000 one.
On the day of the acceptance, I found that the house really had no roof.
3 Best friend's son was beaten by his best friend, the hand may be a little heavy, the little guy cried heartbreakingly, the best friend quickly apologized to his son, the son still did not give up, the more he cried, the more he cried, the louder the cry became louder and louder. My best friend asked me to coax the little guy, and the little guy looked at me and said to my mother: Mom, if you want to use a beauty trick, can you find a better look!
4 Yesterday I went to the master to calculate it, and the master said that I can live to be 98 years old or even longer.
After the calculation, I rode my battery bike home, and the ride was called a cheerful ride, regardless of the traffic light.
Life is long, it's so capricious!
The master is desperately chasing behind: it doesn't count as his own death!
5Are you in love with Banhua?
Are you in love with Ban Hua? Did you know that she was my daughter? Call your dad to school tomorrow! ”
Teacher Wu, I'm wrong, don't call my dad here, woo woo woo ......”
No, no, no, no! Gotta get your dad over tomorrow! Your dad is Director Wang, right? I'll have to ask him, and if he doesn't have any opinions, that's how the two of you are married!" ”
6. My grandmother was illiterate, but she was strict with my studies.
When I first entered elementary school, every time I finished my homework, she asked me to write three pages of new words in a graph book to play. At the beginning, she used to hide it from the day before yesterday, but after that, she seemed to feel that something was wrong. So I made a mark on the blank page. This time I capsized and was fined six pages. And since then, her mark has always changed and ......Since then I have believed that it is possible for a peasant to become emperor.
7. My girlfriend bought a new car, and when she came to pick me up, I didn't expect her to put a big iron rod in the car. She explained at the time: Recently, the security in my house has been a bit chaotic, so take good self-defense, and when I went to park, she asked me to go up first. Then, while I wasn't looking, she took the big iron rod and pried the car into the parking space with a few clicks! At that time, I was dumbfounded, and there was such an operation?
8 Xiao Liu and his wife entertained an old friend at home, and when the guest saw Xiao Liu's son, he greeted: "The little ones have grown so big, do you still recognize me?" ”
Xiao Liu's son said, "Recognize, recognize." You're the guy my dad kissed my mom in the den last year when he went out fishing! ”
9 Riding the bus today, I heard a woman's ** loud voice, as if she was being pursued by a netizen who had never met, and the woman's various refusals, and finally she had no choice but to yell at **: Big brother, let me go, you haven't seen me again, I have a long front chicken breast, a back pot, and two calves to the inside. Heart disease, whooping cough, polio tuberculosis! What do you say you want me to do? After saying that, hang up**! The car was boiling in an instant!
10A: I was a failure.
B: Why do you say that?
A: As soon as I met a beautiful girl, I was nervous and didn't dare to confess.
B: Don't be nervous, you must confess when you meet someone you like, it doesn't matter if you're ugly, in case he's blind.
11My wife woke up in the middle of the night and found that the old man was looking at her in a daze, so she asked, "Why don't you sleep and stare at me?" ”
My husband said, "I can't sleep." ”
So his wife told him to count the sheep. My husband said again: "It's boring to count often!" ”
The wife said, "Then you can change it." ”
My husband said, "It's been changed, isn't this counting the freckles on your face!" ”
12Recently, I chatted with my newly married buddy, and I asked: Dude, what is the difference between after marriage and before marriage?
He took a hard puff of cigarette and said leisurely: Before getting married, when I came home late at night to see that the lights at home were still on, my heart instantly warmed; After getting married, I came home late to see that the lights were still on at home, and my legs suddenly became weak!