1 The third year of junior high school went back to his parents' house, made dumplings, happily chopped dumplings filling, and his mother glanced behind him and said, like a child!
I flattered my mother and said, no matter how old I am, I am your child!!
My mother didn't reply, I said that you chop the dumpling filling like a child, a pile on the cutting board, a pile on the table, and a pile on the ground!
2I asked my wife loudly: "Why are you hiding it from me and others?" She explained: "It's not to hide it from you so as not to make you sad. "You see, how can I not feel pity for my wife in the face of such an understanding wife?
3 The physics teacher in our class was an old man in his forties and fifties, who spoke with a strong accent. The boys in our class especially like to learn how to speak. One day in class, the boy in our class imitated in front of him, the teacher was silent for a long time, glanced at the class, and suddenly said: "Are you teasing me?" ”
4 The biggest difference between a man and a woman getting angry.
A woman's anger is similar to setting off a cannon, just one point, and it's okay to sweep the floor after exploding.
When a man is angry, it's the same as the membership card points, adding a few points at a time, it's not a big deal, but when the points reach 100, he will redeem a green hat for you.
5There was a child sitting playing in a doorway, and a middle-aged man asked him, "Is your father at home?" ”
The child replied, "At home", and the middle-aged man went to ring the doorbell, and after pressing it for a long time, no one opened the door.
So the man angrily asked, "Why don't you open the door?" ”
The little boy replied, "I don't know, this is not my home!"
6 This morning, an old lady in her fifties asked me, **Do you make pennants? I would like to send a pennant to the heating company! Four big characters are embroidered with gold thread on it: broken mirror reunion. I'm wondering, why do you embroider these four words?
The old lady said, "You don't know, my wife and I have been sleeping separately for many years." The husband and wife saw that the relationship was completely broken, but last night in the middle of the night he held the quilt and drilled into my quilt! Mixed with the cold, shivering and said to me: It's too cold! The two of them hugged and slept warmly, and they couldn't stand it.
Why is this house so cold! If it weren't for the heating, the old bastard would have to separate from me! Do you think I have to thank the heating company!
7A red pimple rose on the corner of my mouth. A good brother, said that he had an imported oral medicine, and it would be fine in a week. The original price was more than 340 yuan, and if you want, you can buy it for 100 yuan. I bought it, I took it for a month, and it didn't get better. I asked him, what's going on? You'll be fine for half a month, I haven't seen you for a month. Good brother: I used it for a week, and I didn't feel any effect, so I went to the hospital, and it was fine in two days. I'll go, break up!
8Today, my son's kindergarten is open, and I want to give him a little security and ask for leave to pick him up from school.
He saw me in the class and said to his friends, "See? That's my dad! I didn't lie to you! ”
The friends all nodded! This kid is so proud of me!
One of the kids took out a banana and said, "You win, your dad really looks like a gorilla!" I lost this banana to you.
9. The boss asks the employee, "Why are you always dissatisfied with your work?" ”
The employee replied, "Because I feel like I'm the only normal person in the company." ”
10 graduated from high school and worked as a waiter in a restaurant, I met a man and a woman rushing to pay the bill, I glanced at the two of them, and then took the money in the woman's hand, at that moment, the girl looked at me with a somewhat complicated look!
11If people are not lustful, then what is the point of living?
Spent the night at my girlfriend's house, which was only one bedroom, and since we weren't married, I told her that you would sleep in the bed tonight and I would lay the floor.
After hearing this, my girlfriend held my hand tightly and looked at me affectionately and said
As a man, it's good that you don't smoke or drink, and if people aren't lustful, then what's the point of living!
I was petrified!