It's the New Year, one of the major activities of singles: blind dates.
It's time to get started. Let's change the angle and treat the blind date as a channel and a "dojo".
The men and women in this ashram have their own goals.
Let's go and learn more about people.
Knowing the various stories that happened in this scene can also add some experience to yourself.
What I'm going to say next, it's realistic.
When I was about to graduate (2010), there was a gossip in our dorm room.
A roommate said that she knew a girl in another dormitory, and the other party was going to get married after graduation, and her mother-in-law paid 200,000 dowry and bought a wedding house in Changsha, and she married after graduation.
I was young and vigorous, scoffed at it, and thought:
Married yourself for only 200,000? Studying in college just to find a good in-law?
After being beaten by society for many years, I was shocked:
It is rare in reality for a handsome and domineering president to fall in love with me, who is "destitute, poor and ordinary".
This probability is so small that it will happen to me, and it is completely impossible.
The logic in reality is:The dragon is paired with the dragon, the phoenix is matched with the phoenix, and the son of the mouse will make a hole in the ground.
200,000 dowry + Changsha house, this mother-in-law is quite generous.
Moreover, this number will only be under the condition that the conditions of the woman's maiden family are not bad.
And "Going to college just to find a good in-law?" ”
I also had an answer to this question many years later:
An important role of going to college is indeed to select a mate.
In this era of universal basic education, there are several categories of people who do not go to university:
If his parents are not in harmony, he will not be interested in his studies and will not be able to provide him with a good environment;
His own poor self-control, and his failure to struggle out of the harsh family environment of his native family, show that he is not capable enough.
If you choose such an object, you will find the other person:
Emotionally unstable, stressed, in-laws can't help or even lag behind, backward thinking habits, and maybe he will be stupid and can't understand too complex knowledge points.
I just ask you: Is your love what makes your life hard and poor?
No. Right?
So good. Next, let's follow the HR selection logic:
Is it much more risky to choose a person with a low degree of education than it is to choose a person with a high degree of education?
And, getting married and divorced once, whether it is for a man or a woman, is a huge cost of making mistakes.
Therefore, you can find a job randomly, and if you start over again, you can just change it.
But love and marriage can't be talked about, the cost of making mistakes is high, and it will take several years to make a mistake.
If you analyze it in this way, you will know that the people you find in college will be less risky than the objects you find in society.
After graduating from university, you will work, and you will most likely meet colleagues and friends who have successfully completed their studies just like you.
In this way, your social circle has actually been iterated for several rounds.
Those friends who dropped out of school because they didn't get into college will gradually fade out of your social circle.
And because you can't reach them, you naturally won't have any stories with them.
When you have this kind of thinking, you will not have the attitude of "what if" and "why don't you try" to choose someone with a lower education than you to talk to.
Your eyes can look high.
Some unnecessary attempts, let's not try, even if you have to try, then you just try it, quick decision, don't fall in love!
Start fast, validate quickly, and end decisively.
Just experience it, and save yourself the opportunity cost.
Warren Buffett once said, "Marriage is the most important investment in life".
We need to know the truth: all relationships are essentially an exchange.
Another important role of going to university is to raise the threshold for working after entering the society, so that you can have more choices.
And, having a good job is your confidence in choosing a mate.
Girls choose boys, and they want to find a good one.
In the same way, when a boy looks for a girl, he will also want to find a high-quality one.
No one wants to find a person to drag themselves on, regardless of whether they are men or women.
But although I don't want to, if I don't have enough understanding of the mate selection market, I will make the wrong choice because of the wrong cognition in behavior.
For example, the one I wrote yesterday, when I was young, I was ignorant, pursued love, and went through a lot of detours: my boyfriend owed me 2,000 yuan, and after I slapped him, I broke up!
Two failed relationships dragged me down several floors!
Originally, I just started from 0, but after two relationships, I started in debt.
The biggest risk of feelings is:You can't control your heart.
You're on top, you just like it, you love it, you want it.
Girls also have a big obsession: they have a noble belief in love.
It's the same for you and me.
Here, my personal approach is: ignore the three-seven-twenty-one first, if you want it now, you will rush it now.
Then, adjust your strategy as you get along.
If the other party is stronger than me, I will take the initiative, let's lick the dog once, what's wrong!
How do I know how painful it is to lick a dog if I don't try?!
The pain was so painful that I couldn't bear it anymore, so I naturally learned to let go and give up my obsession.
If the other person is weaker than me, I will do it.
I'm a woman's family, what's wrong with making a job?
Choosing you is not to covet the experience of being a princess with you!
My first boyfriend was stronger than me and my second was weaker than me, and as a love experience officer I experienced both, and I learned the basic rules.
After we understand the rules, we can act relatively objectively.
I decided to go on a blind date in 2015 and I'm 25 years old.
That will be since ** is not developed, and women's consciousness has only awakened, and they openly say that they are on a blind date, which needs to pass the "psychological quality" level.
In addition, when preparing for a blind date, say goodbye to the past.
Because it means running towards a new life and welcoming a new relationship, we need to take the initiative to say goodbye to our past selves first.
I have always believed that a person has a magnetic field, and I myself believe in the law of attraction.
If you don't break off with the past yourself, drag and leave the residual emotional thread.
Trying to save you by meeting someone new on a blind date, taking you to a new life, making you give up the person who lives in your heart, or counting on the other person to pull you out of the whirlpool of memories.
This kind of person may give up after two blind dates.
Because the starting point is not right.
One is that when you encounter a little setback, you can't stand it, you feel that you don't fit in with this real world, and then you continue to shrink back into your own world.
This is similar to the principle of depression
Depressed patients are also trapped in their own world, unable to get out by themselves and others to enter, and it takes great courage and super action to reconnect with the outside world.
Whether it's a blind date or a relationship, it won't be smooth sailing, but they are one of the important scenes for us to connect with the outside world.
Of course, this matter itself is also one of the topics of conversation in our social network.
I actually think that the relationship between men and women is very realistic.
Both sides look at each other at first sight: appearance, figure, temperament, conversation, work.
But then again, even if it's not on a blind date, we usually look at these few items when choosing a mate.
My personal life experience is like this:
Falling in love and going on a blind date, although the process was painful, they promoted my growth and made me grow.
As the old saying goes: it is better to read 10,000 books than to travel 10,000 miles than to read countless people.
Falling in love and going on a blind date is a process of reading people.
I just came out of the society "factory settings" and the status is:
In 2010, at the age of 20, I got my first job.
After talking about a boyfriend and separating, my state is:
In 2013, in Zhengzhou, he was 23 years old.
After separating from my second boyfriend, my state was:
25 years old, in Shanghai, this is Qingpu Zhujiajiao.
Slowly, people grow up, and their minds become more mature.
On the day of my blind date with my husband, my state:
In 2016, he was 26 years old.
He said that it was this ** who took him.
The first time I met him, after dinner, there was that kind of free ** printer at the door, we swapped **, and this one still remains in his wallet favorite.
On the day of the wedding, my state:
In 2017, he was 27 years old.
After getting married, my state:
Married, 27 years old.
The whole process of long opening has several aspects of promotion:
1. I am a person who works very hard at work, my college is 135 pounds, because in the years after graduation, the work was not smooth, the relationship was not smooth, and there was no money to eat, and my weight dropped directly to 98 pounds;
As soon as a person is thin, he looks refreshed.
2. I myself continue to improve, that is, when I first came out of society, I would have a "stupidity" on my body.
Later, I suffered a lot of setbacks on the road of making money, accumulated more experience, and let go of a lot of obsessions, so people became more atmospheric.
3. When I came to a big city, my temperament became better.
In general, people and things have made me grow, and after I grew up, my whole image and temperament have completely changed.
The benefits that men and work have brought me are reflected in the changes in my appearance.
However, at the age of 27, I chose to get married and have a baby, and I searched for a hand, and returned to the pre-liberation period overnight in terms of appearance.
After I got married, I immediately got pregnant, and my weight once grew to 160 pounds, and after I got pregnant, the whole skeleton became larger.
And because of the huge financial pressure at that time, I grew old quickly.
Now it's an aunt image, I'm 120 pounds now.
It is equivalent to replacing the appearance of the past with time, pain, and experience, and replaced it with: child.
After giving birth, I rarely took pictures anymore, and my face was damaged.
However, I don't regret giving birth to a baby!
My son deserves it.
Over the years, I have begun to ask inward, and I think this matter can be extended to talk about:
I, a person who has riveted enough energy to climb up, only has an annual income of hundreds of thousands at the age of 34.
My own summary is:
1. Because the conditions of the original family are really limited, no one gives me a back.
I was insecure and didn't dare to try too much, so I just tried it every time.
For example, whether to start a business or a part-time job, I chose a part-time job.
On the road of part-time work, the ceiling is low.
2. My ability to delay gratification is very weak.
I always get a little bit and I go back with something practical to replace it in.
For example, when I was twenty-six or seventeen years old, I knew that I was in a period of double advantage in age and appearance, so I went on a large number of blind dates, and then replaced them with marriage.
3. I have a weak sense of consumption and am reluctant to continue to invest in myself.
People's body, appearance, figure, and cognition all require continuous investment of time, energy, and money to maintain.
Cognitively, I have continued to consume over the years.
Investing time, energy, and money, I read, write, consult with psychologists, buy courses and connect with better people, and continue to iterate my cognitive system.
It is the current state of self-consistency.
However, my body, figure, and appearance are getting worse and worse year by year, because I haven't spent much time, energy, and money on these three things.
That's the worst thing I've done in the last few years.
If a person is self-disciplined, he must do it: even if he gets married and has children, he should not give up the pursuit of beauty.
In the end: work, blind date, love, marriage, and having children.
These are just the experiences on the road of our life, and these experiences make up a person's rich experience.
If I didn't have previous experiences, I wouldn't have been able to see these problems in myself.
So, if you want to enrich your life, try a lot of good and bad things.
You don't have to stay in your comfort zone all the time. Blind date, in fact, there is nothing difficult, the biggest difficulty is: you don't want to.
end