I have lived most of my life, but I have lived as a joke and a negative teaching material in the eyes of others, my life is hopeless, my life is difficult, and the cards are played to pieces, can I still restart?
When I was a child, I was the kind of child who went up and down to uncover the tiles, jumped up and down, and let go of myself. The laissez-faire of my parents made my personality very flamboyant. Free, unrestrained, and uninhibited, this has become what I want to pursue all my life.
When I grow up, I want to be my ideal self, where I can draw, write, and travel in the mountains and rivers. But the reality is cruel, not long after graduation, I left the country, and the pressure of survival made me have to bow to reality. Because of the hardships of life and the imminent completion of marriage, I began to let myself go step by step, and I no longer restrained myself, drifting with the crowd, and letting go of my wreckage.
I put all kinds of labels on myself like a knight in armor, and worked hard to keep these labels from being torn off, wrapped in countless masks.
When life drove me into the deep valley, my life was no longer bright. One of my white sheets of paper has been painted with red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple, and the colors have become gray, black, and dirty. I scribbled back and forth, but I couldn't get back to the white paper I used to be; I washed it around, and it seemed like it had only gone from black to gray. So I was depressed, I had no confidence, and I wanted to give up several times!
I can't, I'm so bad, I'm good for nothing......
A voice said to me: the paint on the canvas can be covered, why not repaint the way you want on the gray and black messy background, the brush is in your hand, you have this autonomy.
Yes, what are you afraid of? What kind of person you want to be is up to you and not someone else!
Life is an endless cycle. Eventually you will forgive everything you must have experienced in life, and you will understand that all encounters, partings, loves and hates, gains and losses should be predestined in the course of your life. You can't avoid it, and you have to accept and be humble enough to bear all this suffering and joy in order to interpret your never-ending life.
Everyone's understanding and life experience are completely different, and they all need to experience and work hard to find their own salvation and experience their own uniqueness.
2. Unspeakable feelings.
After experiencing many ups and downs such as pleasure, depravity, loss, and pain, I have a new understanding of life. Love makes me worry, pain, and attachment. This desire, this living feeling, is so alive.
I must experience greed, I must go after riches, I must experience disgust, I will fall into the abyss of despair, and I will learn to resist them, and I will learn to love and accept the world as it is, and rejoice in belonging to it. "
I think it's time to fully accept myself, my past, my present, my future self.
Life