Original text in the book:
When my mom was upset, I always felt like it was my fault. I felt guilty for not being able to make her feel better. I don't feel like I'm good enough.
Ida is 52 years old.
Contact Personal: What shocked me more was not the above paragraph where my mother was unhappy, and I would think it was my fault. It's the 52-year-old in the corner, as the saying goes, fifty knows the destiny of heaven, and at this age there are also troubles about the topic of sensitivity.
I know that the age of the friends who study and learn to help themselves is also all over the stage, there are college students, the troubles of life will not let you go because you are getting older, do not learn those things that bother you repeatedly, they will still be entangled with you until you are old, when I saw the 52-year-old, my heart sank. Learning really doesn't mean anything, no matter how big or small, I don't think it's class, occupation, gender.
I knew I had to study hard, know myself, improve myself, break my cage and rebuild my life.
Let's talk about the second point, when I was young, once the educators had conflicts, my feeling of omnipotent narcissism appeared, I think it was all my fault, it was all my problem, because it made the problem controllable for me, as long as they still had conflict, it was that I was not good enough, as long as I did well enough, they would not quarrel anymore.
Over time, there was a little noise around me, I was nervous, the environment was not good, my first reaction was not to change the environment, but what should I do to make the environment better, it sounds ridiculous, right?
It's because I didn't get through the all-round narcissism period of baby time when I was a child, and I grew up fantasizing about it all the time, and I wanted the problem to become controllable, and I could only control myself, and I could only force myself to be perfect, so I forced myself to perfection and forced myself to death.
If you hit a lot of walls, you will think about it if you hit the south wall too much, so I read books on psychology and learned a lot of things that are not my business, and there are three kinds of things in the world, God's business, my business, and other people's business. Distinguishing between these concepts and embedding them in your and me's can solve many, many problems.
Now I'm still in the stage of exploring the practice, no longer taking on everything, no longer feeling guilty for rejection, and no longer so virgin.
I remembered that a colleague's private relationship last semester was okay, the leader arranged for her to go out for a meeting, and the family arranged for her to invigilate the exam, and the two things collided with a time, but I didn't expect her to ask me to help invigilate the exam and go out for a meeting by herself.
I decisively refused, I said that this is a matter of the leader's arrangement, how can you use your personal feelings to solve the leader's matter? You should react to the leader and let the leader adjust.
She was not very happy and begged me, but in the end I refused. In the end, she still told the leader, and the leader adjusted the time for her.
I began to get used to refusing, but I also habitually refused with an explanation, or I had to give others an excuse or reason, or I could help others think of a good way to deal with it, of course, this solution didn't need me to operate, and I didn't need to trouble me.
In fact, this is quite tiring, because I have to use my brain to think about it, when can I refuse directly, even if I am free, I just don't want to do it, I can directly refuse and say, sorry, I don't want to, you can find someone else. That's fine