To be able to have a happy marriage until old age, you need three feelings, all of which are indispe

Text|Marriage counselor Liu Jie

For us, marriage is probably the "top priority" in life.

Before we get married, we think it's simple. It is two people who love each other together, can care for each other, and live a sweet life. But after really entering the marriage, I found that it was not that simple.

Before getting married, it was enough to fall in love. But after getting married, you need to get along day and night, you need to adapt to each other, and you need to face the trivialities of daily life, and some disharmony and conflicts will occur at any time.

So, what kind of marriage is happy, healthy, and able to grow old?

Generally speaking, a happy marriage requires three senses, all of which are indispensable.

First, there is a sense of belonging.

Each of us is afraid of loneliness and hopes that we can have a warm home.

For us, marriage satisfies this need and gives us a sense of belonging. No matter how much you have been wronged outside, how tired you are, or how hard you have worked, as long as you return home, you can feel happy and warm.

In this marriage, you can clearly feel that this family belongs to you, and that your husband and wife are the most intimate existence, and you can rest assured to rely on and trust.

For example, some women get along with their mother-in-law in disharmony after marriage, and the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is serious. And the mother-in-law is excessively involved in the life of the young couple, constantly pointing fingers.

Such a marital status will make a woman feel that she is always an outsider in this family and cannot fit in. If the man does not act and does not help solve the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, then the relationship between husband and wife is easy to crack.

The key reason is that women can't find a sense of belonging in marriage, and this marriage is disappointing and chilling for her. When feelings of disappointment build up, then it is possible to want to escape.

Secondly, there is the sense of presence.

What we need for marriage is to find a warm harbor, but in fact, we are also looking for a sense of existence.

The so-called sense of existence means that in this marriage, the family needs you, the partner needs you, and you are not dispensable to the family, but a very important existence.

Your dedication, your hard work, your tolerance and forbearance, the other party can feel it, and even be grateful. He will give you a positive response, affirm your efforts, and then return the favor with the same amount of love.

In this way, our hearts will be peaceful, we will feel that our efforts are worthwhile, and we will continue to give. A positive cycle will be formed between husband and wife, and the marriage will move forward healthily.

In real life, many marriages have problems because they can't find a sense of existence. His hard work, he can't see; He takes your contribution for granted. After a long time, resentment will arise, and feelings will be in crisis.

Finally, there's the sense of security.

The sense of security here means that you are safe in this marriage, you can be yourself freely, you can say what you want, you can do what you want.

Even if you get angry, you lose your temper, even if there is a disagreement between you, there is a quarrel and a cold war, the other party will not leave you easily, and you will not easily lose this home.

When you are in a bad mood, he will come to comfort you; When you are sick, he will come to take care of you; If you are angry outside, he will stand up for you, and you will have a full sense of security in this marriage.

When we feel secure enough, our hearts are filled with strength. It will give us more confidence to manage the marriage and the relationship. Even if there are ups and downs and ups and downs, I am willing to go through it hand in hand with my partner.

If one party in the marriage destroys this sense of security, the other party suffers from gains and losses, and is suspicious. Then it will be difficult for the marriage to move forward. This feeling of suspicion has actually destroyed the relationship between husband and wife.

The three feelings we mentioned above are indispensable for marriage. Whichever one is missing, the marriage will continue to be in a state of affairs and even be on the verge of breakdown.

Speaking of which, I hope everyone can take a look at their marriage. What is lacking, let's check and fill in the gaps, so that the marriage can be better and happier.

What if something goes wrong in your marriage, you don't find security in it, and your relationship with your partner is getting strained? You can send me a private message, and I will give you a way to help you find a happy marriage.