1 I drove home last night, and I saw the high beam of the car on the opposite side from afar, so I flashed a few times and reminded me that I would go! The opposite car is still low beam. I just drove the high beam, it was a big deal to hurt each other, and when I got to 100 meters away, the opposite car drove the high beam, and suddenly I seemed to see the sun.
2 made my father angry, my father walked around the house angrily, thinking that my father was angry, and asked my father weakly: "Dad, what's wrong with you?" Dad turned his head to look at me: "I can't find anything that can't be broken when I look around the house, and I can relieve my anger when I fall down." The little niece next to her came over with a feather duster and said, "Grandpa, beat my aunt, my aunt has a lot of meat and thick skin, and she can't break ......."”
3 girlfriend: "What do you eat on Tanabata?" ”
Boy: "Tanabata? Is it eating zongzi? ”
Girlfriend: "Which is to eat zongzi, is to eat moon cakes."
Boy: "Really? Isn't it eating tofu? ”
4. The neighbor has a pair of twins, the eldest is slow when he was a child, and the second is anxious. One day their father scolded the boss: You are so grinding, you can't eat hot shi. As soon as he finished speaking, the second child had already taken off his pants and was ready to cook a big meal for them.
5A man was interning in a mental hospital, and suddenly a neurotic man chased after him with a kitchen knife, and the man turned around and ran until he ran to a dead end, thinking that this was the end, and the patient said, "Give you a knife, it's time for you to chase me."
6There is a rich second generation in the university dormitory, and after returning from visiting relatives in his hometown, he has been depressed, and his roommate asked him what the situation is, whether he is out of love. The rich second generation said heavily: "Falling out of love, just missing a girlfriend, I'm more depressed than this." ”
The roommate asked curiously, and the rich second generation said for a long time: "I haven't been home for a year, my mother gave birth to a younger brother for me, and overnight, I lost half of my family property......."”
7What if your childhood sweetheart gets married, and the groom is not you?
There is a very shy boy in my class, the boy has a childhood sweetheart girlfriend who grew up together, and one day they ate together, and a bunch of girls teased him and said: "What if your childhood sweetheart gets married, and the groom is not you?" The boy was very calm, and said without raising his head: "The child's father is me!" "Sure enough, the belly is black.
8The little boy said to his aunt, "My mother has given birth to another child. ”
The aunt wanted to tease him, so she asked, "Is that a brother or a sister?" ”
The little boy frowned and said, "Who knows if you haven't got your clothes on yet!" ”
9 Last time our family went out to play on a three-wheeled motorcycle, a fly horn followed us to the county seat, and when the old lady drove it away, saying: Let it settle down here in the future, and have a superior living environment in the county seat, which is better than in the village and town, and do not worry about food .........I was instantly convinced of my sister's amazing eloquence.
10 My mother likes to play mahjong, but when I was born, my mother resolutely gave up mahjong for the sake of me and the whole family, because she felt that it seemed that it was more interesting to play me.
A female colleague in Unit 11 and her husband got a certificate after knowing each other for a month, and just returned from a trip to get married.
Today, a few of our colleagues went to lunch, and an aunt greeted the female colleague on the way, but the female colleague ignored it and continued to walk.
I think my aunt recognized the wrong person, and she didn't squeak.
After walking more than a dozen steps, the female colleague suddenly stopped and stared at her and said, "Oh, I'll go, that person seems to be my mother-in-law!" ”
12The mother next door is more powerful, and she likes to scold her little Lori, and the little Lori is not a fuel-efficient lamp, do you know? Today she actually took her mother's ** to the square to sell to the uncles, saying that the woman on ** recruited her husband, and as long as she paid 10 yuan first, she could bring it to meet!
13 Alas, can you not grow old when you are frightened and frightened all day long for food and drink?
Happy smile, animal whining:
1. Kangaroo: Alas, there is no money in the pocket, and no matter how big the pocket is, it is still a rat;
2. Mouse: Alas, can you not grow old when you are scared all day long for food and drink?
3. Fish: I won't go online if I am killed;
4, squid: Damn, a belly full of ink is still a thief;
5. Hedgehog: I really want to feel the taste of hugging others;
6. Mosquitoes: It is worth dying to make higher animal humans applaud us!