It is often said that as long as you sincerely think about others, you will not regret anything.
However, a while ago, I saw a ** in the circle of friends, which made me have to break this traditional concept.
*The content is simple:
Suppose someone helps pick up your wallet and finds that there are 10,000 dollars in the wallet, so he leaves a small note and reads:
I'm sure the vast majority of people will feel very troubled in their hearts when they encounter this situation. Because picking up so much money can greatly improve your life, but the shy morality in your pocket tells us that this money does not belong to us. In order to help you sincerely, relieve your pain, I have already helped you withdraw half of the money. ”
However, this well-wisher who took the initiative to relieve the suffering of others was self-defeating and pushed others into deeper pain.
This fact tells us two things:
First, good intentions do not necessarily lead to good rewards. Fan Zhongyan, who wanted to cede half of the land when Yijin returned to his hometown, was later planted on the court and was demoted to Shangqiu Zhixian.
Second, everyone has their own "cause". The more you take the initiative to meddle in the "fruits," the more they will test your "causes."
Therefore, it is better not to care about the cause and effect of others easily. Just taking care of your own half of the "destiny fruit" is the most comfortable way to live.
The philosopher of life Henry David Thoreau once famously said:
I praise all free and independent minds, regardless of the color of their skin. ”
It's just that there aren't many people who are truly free and independent.
People who think they are "free and independent" may only be dependent in disguise.
For example, the good Samaritan who tried to "rescue" the stranger's suffering. He emphasizes his own kindness, but ignores the fate of others.
In fact, life is full of such "well-wishers". They believe in "benevolence for the world", but they impose their good thoughts on others. The more you resist, the more they will save you and push you into a dilemma.
It's like "buy strongly, sell strongly". Whether you are a wealthy businessman or a beggar gang leader, you can't escape the "benevolent" courtesy of the "savior".
If you refuse to accept alms, these "well-wishers" will righteously accuse you of not being charitable enough. If you are willing to accept help, they should say "know how to be content" on the left and "don't get used to receiving handouts" on the right...
You see, these impositions of goodwill are nothing more than a means for them to achieve spiritual satisfaction. It doesn't matter what you really feel or need, it's their vanity to want to be a "savior" again.
In fact, in the face of such "kindness", you only need to be grateful, politely refuse, and then free to leave.
It is not necessary to go-for-tat as in the face of the enemy, and it is not necessary to grovel to accept all the "favors". Maintaining a high degree of self-reflection and independence is the true inner strength.
When the "well-wishers" become more aggressive, we must also learn to be tolerant. Because in addition to satisfying vanity, such an act may also contain other psychological needs.
Loneliness, weakness, low self-esteem, lack of control. These psychological demands can lead to a person losing respect for others and imposing goodwill on others.
Therefore, in the face of the hard work of "good intentions", we should not complain. Only by learning to introspect and understand the multifaceted nature of life can we get rid of the pain of being imprisoned by "kindness".
In fact, the practice of imposing kindness on others exists at every level of life. For example, leaders in the company and parents in the family.
As a subordinate, you have obviously done it step by step, but the leader must always "take care" of you; As a child, you try to learn your profession, but your parents have to tell you how to plan your life.
Behind it is also a psychological need for supervision and control. Therefore, we should get used to the "care" of others and understand the essence of life from it.
Because, the "kindness" of others to you is just an excuse for them to appear superior.
The more you resist, the more they have to "educate" you; The more obedient you are, the more they will "perfect" you. The whole process is just "** you."
In fact, a free and independent person never deliberately curries favor with anyone, nor does he deliberately confront anyone.
There is no need to distort one's own nature in order to please others. To be your true self is the highest respect for life. So, when you are again confronted with the "benign attention" of others, ask yourself:
What exactly am I focusing on right now? Do you focus on your real needs, or do you pay attention to yourself in the eyes of others?
Only by understanding what you care about can you stay awake. Not being moved by judgments that are not one's own is the independence of the mind.
Many times, our resistance to the "kindness" of others stems from a recognition of our own worth.
If you understand your uniqueness, you will not be easily denied by others. I don't distort myself in order to please others.
Every life is unique. You and I have our own causes, and this is the most generous gift from God to us. What we have to do is to face it calmly and accept everything about ourselves, whether it is our strengths or weaknesses.
Because only by understanding oneself can it be possible to understand others.
Only by accepting yourself from the heart will you know how to accept everything about others.
So, you don't have to cater to anyone. You and I are separate individuals, like two separate planets.
We all run in our respective orbits, and our gravitational pull is not connected to each other.
If you really understand this, you will understand what "the most comfortable way to live" is.
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