There is a mother-in-law who will show weakness, how miserable life is
Recently, a hot post on the Internet has attracted widespread attention, which is a wife who affectionately and meticulously recounts her experience of living with her mother-in-law.
If you use one sentence to refine its core emotion, it can be described as: "full of helplessness and grievances".
The wife described her mother-in-law as a character who is good at showing weakness in front of outsiders but is unusually tough in private.
When she was about to give birth, her mother-in-law moved into the house and promised to take good care of her confinement, which made her deeply relieved and grateful.
Unexpectedly, however, this expectation gradually turned into disappointment over time, and the once beautiful vision ultimately failed to materialize.
My mother-in-law was extremely aggressive, verbally promising to treat me as if I were her own daughter, but in practice she seemed keen to let me experience the hardships she had experienced.
It was a hot day, and I was in the critical period of confinement, but she resolutely did not allow the windows to be opened for ventilation and the air conditioner to cool down. What's even more unbearable is that even basic bathing and cleaning are strictly forbidden by her. ”
Although I can understand that this is due to the traditional confinement custom to prevent the wind from catching a cold, there is no measure to alleviate the heat, which is really depressing. In those days, I looked forward to the moment when my mother-in-law went out to buy groceries, so that I could turn on the fan for a short time and enjoy a moment of coolness.
The same is true at the dinner table. My mother-in-law claimed to be taking good care of me and cooking all kinds of food, but in fact, the table was full of dishes that were her son's favorite, not mine.
I'm a meat lover, but she always prepares a full table of vegetarian dishes, emphasizing that they are nutritious and healthy.
For foods I don't like, such as leeks, she will deliberately choose leek egg filling when making dumplings, and insist on putting a few dumplings into my bowl on the grounds that the leeks are fresh, and urge me to eat these foods on the table in various ways.
What's more, my mother-in-law is good at using the name of "for your good" to deeply interfere in the trivial matters of my life.
For example, she insisted that clothes should be washed by hand, not machine;
Shopping must be chosen according to her preferences and habits;
When it comes to family matters, whenever I make a decision, my mother-in-law will intervene and force me to do what she wants.
Even in the subtleties of daily life, such as grocery shopping, cooking and even consumption concepts, she asked me to keep up with her and strive to keep my living habits in line with hers.
If I didn't listen to her, she would lash out at me when my husband wasn't there.
This behavior of the mother-in-law, although she mentioned it to her husband more than once, for the most part, the husband chose to maintain a so-called "neutral position".
It wasn't until one time, when the mother-in-law broke into their bedroom without permission and claimed to wash her son's underwear, that her husband showed some determination and persuaded the mother to go back to his room to rest.
In particular, the mother-in-law showed extraordinary "wisdom", whenever her husband tried to mediate a dispute in a neutral manner, she would immediately show her weak side, bow her eyebrows and weep, and influence her son in the form of emotional kidnapping.
And every time, every time, her son would relent in such a scene, and then turn to accuse her of not.
Witnessing her living in depression day after day, many people have asked her, since she is always angry, why don't you choose to divorce?
She reluctantly responded: "I have a daughter, and my mother's family can't give me enough support." Divorce is easy, but life needs to go on, especially with children in mind. At present, whether it is a husband or a mother-in-law, the attitude towards my daughter is acceptable, and I must also think about the future of my children. ”
In fact, the above heartfelt words were all made after her mother-in-law died, and she mustered up the courage to express them publicly on social platforms. Before that, she chose to remain silent for 20 years, just because she was afraid of destroying family harmony.
Indeed, in the hearts of many married women, it is not a big problem for them to suffer themselves, as long as it is good for their children and good for their families.
However, they often ignore one point: although such a concept takes into account the overall situation to a large extent, those moments of silent enduring grievances and forbearance can only be borne alone, and no one knows.
My husband loves me, but he can't handle the relationship with my mother
A few days ago, a dear friend revealed to me a shocking news:
She has ended her marriage with her partner.
I was shocked by the news, as the scene of their affectionate wedding three years ago is still fresh in my mind. At that time, they swore vows to each other in front of relatives and friends, and their affection was lingering, as if all good things would remain eternal.
However, in just three years, they have not been able to spend the long river of life together.
My friend said frankly that the reason for the divorce was not the breakdown of the relationship between the husband and wife, but the inability to properly handle the tricky relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Her mother-in-law is not the kind of person who has a set behind the surface, but she is a family leader with an extremely strong personality.
Recalling the wedding day, she reached a consensus with her husband to insist on choosing flowers as a bouquet, and even carefully selected the closest flower shop to the hotel, planning to have them fresh the next morning.
However, unexpectedly, the mother-in-law actually replaced the flowers with plastic flowers at the critical moment, and the sentence "Just use it for a while, why waste that money" easily erased her expectations.
When it comes to the scene of preparing for the family banquet for the New Year, it is even more emotional. Considering that her family was thriving, she would inevitably be unable to cook by herself, so she proposed to buy semi-finished dishes in advance or book hotel delicacies directly to share the reunion. But the mother-in-law was resolute about it:
This is the first year that you have married into our family, and friends and family are looking forward to it, and they all want to try your craft. ”
So, on that day of family reunion, she was busy in the kitchen alone, and her mother-in-law spent most of her time urging her to speed up, except for the occasional request to ask a few words: "Is the fruit washed?" "Why isn't that dish good yet?" "Hurry up, everyone is waiting for you." ”
On that day, she felt like a clown placed on the stage, her every move was firmly controlled, and there was nowhere to hide.
During that difficult time, it was the experience of the first three months of pregnancy that was particularly heart-wrenching.
At that time, the morning sickness reaction was so violent that it was almost impossible to eat normally, and any food could be a source of discomfort, even a hint of meat could not be tolerated.
However, in the face of such a predicament, her mother-in-law did not give her considerate and care, and still cooked big fish and meat in her own way, and the greasy aroma that filled the house exacerbated her nausea again and again.
An even more unacceptable scene occurred one day, when the clothes pole in the home was suddenly damaged. The original plan was to wait for her husband to return before repairing it, but the mother-in-law insisted that the sky was clear that day, and missing the moment would delay the best time to dry the clothes.
Despite being pregnant and in poor physical condition, she was still urged by her mother-in-law to step on a small stool and endure the discomfort and start repairs. Recalling that moment now, her heart is filled with endless remorse, because it was that accidental stumbling and slipping under her feet, which led to an accidental fall.
At that time, the fetal elephant was already unstable, and the mood was depressed for a long time, which undoubtedly made this fall worse. After calling 120 urgently, she was rushed to the hospital, but in the end, she could not save the life of the fetus in her womb.
This tragic event became the last straw that broke the camel's back, and made her firm in her determination to divorce: "Yesterday I still had to bear the grievances, today I have lost my flesh and bones, I dare not imagine what kind of abyssal tribulation awaits in the future." ”
After this incident, she deeply understood the true meaning of marriage: choosing a partner is not only about the man himself, but also about the family background behind him, especially what kind of person his mother is, and how the man deals with and stands in line in family conflicts.
Looking back on the past three years, all the grievances and forbearance she has endured come from the man who claims to love her, who has always only favored his mother in the relationship between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and does not know how to balance and maintain family harmony.
This also confirms what people often say: Compared with a strong mother-in-law, what really makes a woman feel cold is often those husbands who are extremely stupid and ignore their wives' feelings.
The most important factor in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is actually the son
Recently, there has been a hot topic on the Internet
Whether an invincible marriage can be broken in front of the in-laws
Many netizens have taken this platform to share their personal experiences, and in these complex stories, it is not difficult for us to find a common point:
The one who plays a key role in marital conflicts – the husband.
Dig deeper into such scenarios:
When the conflict between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law intensifies, and you have a dispute with your mother-in-law, if your husband indiscriminately and openly rebukes you in front of your mother, how will you stabilize yourself and maintain your dignity in such a family?
When you are full of grievances in your heart, but your husband has not understood the reason in depth, and only uses the excuse of "she is old, you have to be more tolerant" as an excuse to perfunctory you, how can you maintain the faith and strength to survive in such a family environment?
What's more, when you are angry about your mother-in-law's problem, and your husband just says, "She is my mother, how can she hurt me", how can you get peace of mind because of this?
As a result, everyone said that it was not the in-laws who really shook the foundation of marriage, but the husband who did nothing at the critical moment.
He failed to stand his ground and defend the rights and interests of your little family.
He failed to put you first in his life and failed to properly manage the balance between the mother-child relationship and the relationship between husband and wife.
Therefore, the pain and fatigue are borne by you silently, and the grievances and pains are also borne by you alone, in the face of such a situation, divorce seems to have become a helpless choice.
In fact, in most family structures, no matter how strong the mother-in-law is, as long as the son can clarify his role and be reasonable, it is difficult for the mother-in-law to cause substantial oppression to the daughter-in-law.
Mentioning this topic, one can't help but think of Yi Nengjing's two marriage experiences.
When they spent time with Yu Chengqing in the early years, although they loved each other deeply, Yu Chengqing almost never took the initiative to care or mediate when faced with the conflict between his mother and Yi Nengjing.
Because her mother-in-law looked down on Yi Nengjing's humble background, she publicly called her a "little drama" and slandered her as a "scheming woman". Under the strong opposition of her mother-in-law, ** also joined the ranks of criticism and criticized Yi Nengjing.
Under such malicious pressure, Yi Nengjing became sensitive and inferior, and many times she could only rely on sleeping pills to spend long nights.
At that time, she would fall into the whirlpool of emotions in the middle of the night, vent her emotions with alcohol, and even take the extreme method of self-harm with a knife under extreme excitement, just to attract the attention of that man.
Although Yu Chengqing's deep affection for her is well known, the tension and disharmony in the family relationship are like grinding day after day, making Yi Nengjing miserable, and in the end, she chose to announce her determination to divorce to the outside world through the brokerage company.
That heartbreaking sentence revealed her deep helplessness: "You ignore my words, you ignore my performances, you don't care about the glory I have won, you just love me as a person, but you don't understand the exit of my soul." ”
Now, in the company of Qin Hao, as well as the loving care of her mother-in-law and husband, Yi Nengjing's soul has finally found an outlet to be released. The world says that she has undergone a radical change.
Today, she can naturally call her mother-in-law "Mom", and unreservedly cares about and restricts her mother-in-law's living habits. In a variety show, when her mother-in-law is determined** but can't resist the food**, Yi Nengjing will not hesitate to take the food from her mother-in-law's hands.
For example, when my mother-in-law wants to eat muskmelon, she will firmly dissuade her: "Mom, melon doesn't have much benefit except sugar, so you should not eat it." ”
Even if her mother-in-law coquettishly said, "Eat this and then lose it" or "Start tomorrow**", Yi Nengjing is still like a dutiful adult taking care of children, firmly guiding and managing her mother-in-law's diet.
Facing the camera, she can say frankly: "My mother is like a little confused, you know? In fact, she has a daughter who has not grown up in her heart. ”
Such a change is inseparable from the tolerance and generosity of her mother-in-law, and thanks to Qin Hao's high emotional intelligence, they jointly create a family atmosphere full of love.
At the dinner table in a few words, Qin Hao can always speak with high emotional intelligence, making everyone feel comfortable.
The mother is happy, the daughter-in-law is happy, and the family atmosphere is naturally getting better and better.
No wonder everyone said that Yi Nengjing can no longer sing those mournful songs to the fullest, and there is no need to rely on sleeping pills to spend long nights. Her life is getting better day by day, and her happiness is as clear as the sun.
The reason behind this is not only due to the fact that she has found a good partner to keep her company with, but also to having a wise and open-minded mother-in-law who has had a profound impact on her daughter-in-law's life for a positive purpose.
At the same time, it should not be ignored that the son's efforts and meticulous care for every family member are his existence, which is like a warm current, nourishing the harmony and happiness of the whole family.
Before getting married, be sure to look at the mother-child relationship
In the ocean of wisdom in many articles, we are often reminded to pay attention to the key elements such as the man's character, economic foundation and life plan before marriage. However, a little-mentioned but crucial perspective is the in-depth understanding of the mother-child relationship between the other person and their mother.
The way the man gets along with the mother, the mother's education and control over her son, and even how strong she is in front of her son, these subtle details often subtly shape the tone and direction of your future married life.
At the same time, men need to learn how to properly manage such family relationships, avoid falling into blind foolishness, and should not sacrifice their own happiness to meet their parents' expectations. After all, in the second half of life, you need to find the person you spend together.
At the end of this article, we eagerly ask you questions:
Is there a harmonious atmosphere in your family? On weekdays, how do you wisely maintain the relationship between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?
You are welcome to share your valuable experience in the comment section, and perhaps one of your insights can be a key remedy to save a family relationship that is on the verge of breakdown.
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can have and nurture a healthy and beautiful family relationship;
can be accompanied by hands, and the family will share the joy of family until the years are quiet.