Improve yourself, achieve others".
Everything in the world is mutually reciprocating and mutually causal.
Many times, people build themselves up to build others and improve themselves because of others.
If you take a narrow view of your own success and manage your own interests in isolation, you will often lose yourself and the people who have made you and who have made you who have made you.
1. Life is important in doing things
Everyone has a time in their life when they live according to their true nature, and that is childhood.
The child is innocent and refuses to restrain himself.
He is enjoying life all his life, and the interests and rules of the world are not in his eyes for the time being.
As they grow older, the world becomes more and more vulgar, and the original innocent children are transformed into mundane things.
So, can you escape this fate?
It's hard because human nature is fragile and the power of the environment is enormous.
As childhood fades, it is almost inevitable that a childlike innocence will be lost if there is no adult wisdom to remedy it in time.
The so-called Mr. Adult does not lose the heart of a child, which shows that wisdom is the patron saint of childlike innocence.
Those who have an undying childlike heart must have a thorough understanding of life.
The so-called enlightenment is to understand the ideal of life and death.
The group of people in Vanity Fair not only didn't think about it, but they were afraid that they wouldn't even think about it.
The pursuit of fame and fortune is endless, and officials want to be bigger when they become bigger, and they want to be more when they make more money.
In this lifelong pursuit, there is no longer time to do what you are really interested in, and then you don't even have your own true interests, and the childlike heart that takes enjoying life as the greatest happiness is lost without a trace.
It is clear that if a person really understands the truth that life must die, he will not attach so much importance to and diligently pursue those empty fame and fortune in the end.
He would feel that it was foolish to spend his limited life on these things, at the expense of the enjoyment of life itself.
There are many natural pleasures in life, such as love, friendship, appreciation of nature, artistic creation, etc., and their happiness is far from being comparable to fame and profit, and it does not require too many material conditions to enjoy them.
When he understands these truths, he distances himself from worldly rivalries, thereby gaining the right space for the preservation of his true nature.
And as long as a person lives according to his true nature, he will naturally strive to enjoy the pleasures of life itself.
Of course, a person who has fully understood the truth of life and death may also become negative and pessimistic. However, if he is a lover of life, this prospect can be avoided. Instead, he will gain the realization that the density of life is more worthy of pursuit than the length of life.
From the ultimate point of view, lifespan is nonsense, no matter how long or short it is, it will return to nothingness after death. Not only that, but even if you compare it with the eyes of your life, life expectancy is meaningless.
No matter how much or how little they live, everyone lives in this moment, and the time before this moment has passed forever, and no one can hold them in their hands.
So, instead of coveting to live a long life, it is better to strive to live happily. "You can't be open-minded in life, and you are still young at the age of 100. That's what it means.
2. Taking responsibility is the beginning of a mature life
A truly mature person will not find excuses to avoid difficulties, but will try his best to overcome and overcome them.
One of the best ways to get out of the shadow of misfortune is to improve yourself to help others. The courage to take responsibility is the beginning of a mature life.
In the eyes of children, this behavior is extremely natural. They like to blame inanimate things or irrelevant people, as if doing so will alleviate the pain of their falls. This behavior of theirs is nothing more than normal.
However, if this reactive behavior pattern and habit is continued until the ** period, then it needs to be taken seriously, as it can cause you a lot of trouble. Since ancient times, there has been a general tendency for people to be insulted by others.
The first thing a person needs to do to mature himself is to learn to take responsibility. As we live in this world, we must face many responsibilities in life, and we must not kick a chair like a child when we suffer or fall.
So why do so many people in life like to let others take responsibility?
If you think about it, it's certainly easier to blame someone than to take responsibility yourself.
Think about whether you often like to blame your parents, bosses, teachers, husbands, wives or children, and we even like to blame our ancestors, ** and the whole society, and even blame ourselves for why we came to this world.
In the eyes of immature people, they can always find some reason, and it is the reason of external circumstances, through which they can relieve themselves of some of their own shortcomings or misfortunes.
For example, they had a very poor childhood, their parents were too poor or too wealthy, they were not well educated, they were taught too strictly or too laxly, and their health was poor.
In family life, there are also people who complain that their husbands (wives) do not understand them, or that fate is against them.
You sometimes wonder why the world is unanimous in bullying these people.
For these people, they never thought about how to overcome the difficulties, but first went to find a scapegoat to replace them.
How do the increasing number of "psychologists" spoil everyone?
Many people who seek help from a psychiatrist often like to make a psychological excuse for their weaknesses and behavior that is out of step with the world.
In this way, it is as if they have received some kind of spiritual comfort.
While psychology has been looking for excuses for those who cannot face the world, many people continue to blame various external factors for the difficulties they encounter.
3. It takes a lot of "courage" to change
People do expect change.
Why do people "expect change"?
There is only one answer, and that is because no one can change it.
If it is easy to change, then people will not deliberately "expect change".
Here's what philosophers and youth have to say:
Philosopher: Why do you insist so stubbornly that people cannot change?
Youth: Here's why. One of my friends was a man who had been hiding in his room for years. He would love to go out and have a job like a normal person if he could. He "really wants to change" his current self. But as soon as he stepped out of the room, his heart palpitated, and his hands and feet trembled. This should be a neurosis. Even if you want to change, you can't change it.
Philosopher: It's not that your friends can't get out because they're uneasy. The order of events is reversed, and I think he didn't want to go outside, so he created the uneasiness.
Youth: Huh?!
Philosopher: In other words, your friend first has the purpose of "not going out" and then creates emotions such as uneasiness or fear in order to achieve that goal. Adlerian psychology called this "teleology."
Youth: You're kidding! Do you say he created the uneasiness or fear himself? So, sir, is that my friend faking his illness?
Philosopher: It's not pretending to be sick. The uneasiness or fear your friend feels is real, and sometimes he may be afflicted by a severe headache or bothered by a violent abdominal pain. However, these symptoms are also created for the purpose of "not going out".
Youth: Absolutely impossible! It's incredible!
Philosopher: No, that's the difference between "cause" and "teleology." Everything you say is based on the theory of causes. But if we keep relying on causality, we will never stop.
Philosopher: Just now you said that "a person's personality or temperament cannot be changed." Adlerian psychology, on the other hand, uses the term "lifestyle" to describe personality or disposition.
Youth: Lifestyle?
Philosopher: Yes, the tendency to think or act in life.
Youth: Tendencies to think or act?
Philosopher: The concept of how someone sees the "world" and how they see "themselves" can be understood as a way of life. In a narrow sense, it can be understood as character, and in a broad sense, the word even encompasses someone's worldview or outlook on life.
Youth: Worldview?
Philosopher: Let's assume that there is a person who is struggling with "my personality is pessimistic", and we can try to replace his words with "I have a pessimistic worldview". I don't think it's my personality, it's my own worldview. The word personality may have a sense of "unchangeable", but if it is a worldview, it is possible to change.
Youth: No, it's still a bit difficult. Is the way of life here close to the "way of life"?
Philosopher: There may be this way of expressing it as well. To be more accurate, it should mean "the state of life". You must think that your temperament or personality will not change according to your own will. But Adlerian psychology believes that lifestyle is the result of one's own active choices.
Youth: The result of your own choice?
Philosopher: Yes. It is you who actively choose your own way of life.
Youth: In other words, not only did I choose "unfortunate", but I also chose this strange personality by myself?
Philosopher: Absolutely.
Youth: Haha......In any case, you are too reluctant to do so. By the time I noticed it, I was already in this kind of character, and I didn't remember any selective behavior at all. Sir, you are the same, right? Isn't it nonsense that you are free to choose your own character?
Philosopher: Of course, I didn't choose "such a me" intentionally, and the initial choice may have been an unconscious act. And, when it comes to making a choice, the external factors that you repeatedly mention, i.e. factors such as race, nationality, culture, or family environment can also have a big impact. Even so, it is you who chooses "such a me".
Youth: I don't understand what you mean. When did you make your choice?
Philosopher: Adler's psychology thinks it was around the age of 10.
Youth: So, take a hundred steps back, no, take two hundred steps back, and let's say that 10-year-old me unconsciously chooses that lifestyle. But so what? Whether it's personality, temperament, or lifestyle, I'm already "this kind of me" anyway. Nothing will change.
Philosopher: It can't be. If the lifestyle is not given a priori, but is the result of one's own choice, then it is up to oneself to make a new choice.
Youth: Re-choosing?
Philosopher: Maybe you didn't know your way of life before. And, maybe you don't even know the concept of lifestyle. Of course, no one can choose their origins. What kind of country you were born in, what kind of era, what kind of parents you have, all this is not your choice.
Moreover, these are extremely influential, and you may be dissatisfied, and you may be envious of other people's origins.
But it doesn't stop there. The problem is not in the past, but in the present. Now you understand the way of life. If that's the case, it's your responsibility to do the next. Whether you continue to choose the same lifestyle as before or choose a new one, it's up to you.
Youth: So how can we make a new choice? It's not something that can be changed right away by saying "You chose that lifestyle because you chose it right now."
Philosopher: No, it's not that you can't change. People can change at any time and in whatever circumstances they find themselves in. The reason why you can't change is because you have made a determination not to change.
Youth: What do you say?
Philosopher: People are always choosing their own way of life, even when they are talking on their knees like now. You describe yourself as an unfortunate person, and you say that you want to change right away, or even say that you want to become someone else. Still, it hasn't changed, why is that? That's because you're constantly determined not to change your lifestyle.
Youth: No, no, no, it doesn't make sense. I'd love to change. This is a true sincerity. In that case, how can you make up your mind not to change?!
Philosopher: Although it is a little inconvenient and unfree, you still feel that your current lifestyle is better, probably because you think it is easier to keep doing this without making changes.
If you keep "the person you are", you can guess from experience how to deal with the situation in front of you and what the outcome will be. Even if you encounter a little situation, you can find a way to deal with the past.
On the other hand, if you choose a new lifestyle, you don't know what problems your new self will encounter or how to deal with the situation in front of you. The future is difficult, life will be full of uneasiness, and there may be a more painful and unfortunate life waiting for you. In other words, even though people have various grievances, they still feel that it is easier and more reassuring to maintain the status quo.
Youth: Are you saying you want to change but are afraid of it?
Philosopher: It takes a lot of "courage" to change your lifestyle. In the face of the "uneasiness" caused by change and the "dissatisfaction" brought about by change, you must have chosen the latter.
Youth: ......Now you're using the word "courage" again.
Philosopher: Yes, Adlerian psychology is the psychology of courage. The reason why you are unfortunate is not because of the past or circumstance, let alone because of lack of ability, you just lack "courage", so to speak, lack of "courage to achieve happiness".
Fourth, ** self-achievement.
In the long road of life, what are the things that we should stick to?
The French philosopher Pascal said, "Man is a thinking reed." ”
Independent thinking is an ability that most people pursue throughout their lives.
Whether we are facing sudden natural disasters and man-made disasters, or dealing with various contradictions and conflicts in work and life, we should keep a clear head, always be able to think independently, and stick to our own principles and positions.
Never give up the ability to think independently, and always keep thinking on the way.
Since there is nowhere to run, it is better to rejoice; Since there is no pure land, it is better to purify the heart; Since you haven't been able to do so, it's better to be relieved; Since you can't change the world, it's better to try to strengthen your heart.
Only if people can raise their realm to a higher level, will they not be sad because of recent depression.
If the heart is strong enough, you can live the highest level of elegance from the lowest level of life.
Self-discipline is "doing what you don't like but should do" and doing it to the extreme. In other words, it's about forcing yourself into the groove often.
That way, you won't be suffering from obligations that really need you to fulfill.
Over time, this self-discipline behavior becomes a habit and dominates your behavior.
How can there be so many willing and happy things in the world?
The more useful something is, the more uncomfortable it is to do. This is the weakness of human nature.
One must force oneself in order to bring out the most of one's potential talents and wisdom.
Stick to what you don't like but should do, and you can get unexpected cultivation and success.
The heaviest burden in life is not work, but boredom.
If there is no passion for life, youth is just a confused life; If you are full of enthusiasm for life, you will still be vigorous when you are over 100 years old.
After walking half the road of life, maybe your youthful spirit has long been exhausted, but please still tidy up your mood and regain your enthusiasm.
If the fire in your heart is not extinguished, you can live a prosperous life.
To behave in the world, you must know how to maintain proportion. If you don't grasp the proportions well, you have no mouth to cover, and you have no taboos, which will annoy people at least and cause trouble at worst.
Joking is a very ordinary thing in daily life, but the purpose of jokes is to adjust the atmosphere, if you don't know how to grasp the scale of jokes, words will hurt others intentionally or unintentionally.
We may not think that the way we talk is violent, but language does often cause pain for ourselves and others.
A person's sense of proportion in dealing with jokes can often see his character.
Only by knowing how to respect each other can the joke feel just right, like a spring breeze.
As the saying goes: "Leave a line in everything, and see each other in the future." ”
In this life, there are ups and downs, and it is inevitable to be proud and avoid troughs. Be kind to others when you're proud, and be kind to yourself when you're frustrated.
No matter when and where, don't talk too much, don't do things too much. Leaving room for others is also leaving a way out for yourself.
* It seems that to think more about others and help others, but in fact, it is to analyze and challenge one's innate selfishness, indulgence and hard work; It is to gradually understand others and rebuild oneself in the process of constantly helping and fulfilling others.
I want to stand up to people, I want to reach people!
Ding Jungui. February 19, 2024.