Chao News client reporter Jin Dandan correspondent Chen Liguang finished.
In this issue, special thanks to Huang Yufang, Gao Gaojia, Dong Liyan, Zhang Dongfang, Mao Hongying, Wang Haifang, Zhu Rong, Zhou Hong, and Zhu Lingzhi, teachers of Hangzhou Sijiqing Middle School in Zhejiang Province.
Little confusion for children.
1.My parents always criticized me in front of others, and I felt very shameless. There were some small things that I thought were wrong at the time, but they wouldn't go home and talk about it, which was really annoying.
Answer: Child, I understand your feelings, parents criticize you in front of others, making you feel embarrassed, troubled and helpless. How much do you wish your parents could come home or communicate with you privately?
Have you noticed that many parents are like this, they are always anxious, and when they see that their children have made mistakes, they immediately criticize, no matter what the occasion. Their first reaction is to prevent the child from continuing to make mistakes, and they want to protect you, but the parents don't expect that this way will add to your troubles.
In fact, they often regret it afterwards, but they refuse to tell you for the sake of face.
It is recommended that you communicate with your parents and make an agreement: in public, you should never criticize or accuse you directly. You can point out your problems privately; If you have to point out the problem immediately, then you can use gesture cues, small notes, etc. to remind you; If mom and dad are desperate to say something, say "Son, we want you to ......."We recommend that you ......”
I believe that as long as you communicate with your parents seriously, your parents will adjust their ways. You can also make the above "agreement" into a cute little card, once your parents want to criticize you in front of others, you take out the small card and dangle it in front of them to remind your parents not to forget the agreement.
2.I've been super obsessed with a male star lately! I often think about watching his dramas, searching for his little **, I can't wait to discuss him with my good friends every day, and when I talk about him, I have infinite motivation! But I'm in my second year of junior high school, and I'm really nervous about studying, is there a way to balance studying and chasing stars?
A: As a second-year junior high school student, the study task is indeed heavier, the time is more tight, and chasing stars will inevitably divide you a lot of energy, realize this, great!
But there is no balance between learning and chasing stars, you can try the following methods:
Create a reasonable schedule that balances study, interests, and other activities. Put the learning tasks in front of the schedule as much as possible, and arrange some star-chasing activities interspersed without affecting the learning. When choosing a star-chasing activity, you should combine your own situation and do what you can. Try to choose activities that take a short time, such as a special report about the star on magazines or Weibo and other platforms, and don't spend too much energy to participate in various offline activities.
Make a wish list. If you feel that you have limited control, you can discuss it with your family and make a wish list about stargazing. When you are due for the middle or end of the semester or when you complete the corresponding learning task, choose one from the list as a gift to increase your motivation to study.
Dig into the positive qualities of learning stars. I believe that there must be something positive or beautiful about your favorite celebrity that attracts you and makes you want to be like him, such as perseverance in your dreams and the spirit of not giving up in the face of difficulties. Dig more and learn the quality and spirit of stars, especially it is recommended to set up a scientist role model in your mind, learn the spirit of scientists, and your internal drive for learning will be further improved.
3.My room is a mess, but I don't think it affects my life, I'm used to it, and I don't feel uncomfortable. But my mother often helps me sort out and complains about me without saying anything, which makes me feel very bad. Why do you want to interfere with my private territory like that?
A: I feel your strong sense of territory in your "private space", and I also feel your mother's meticulous care and love for your life.
Everyone has different habits and preferences for their living environment. For you, the clutter of the room does not affect your quality of life, and you are used to it; And for your mom, she may think that a clean environment is better for health and quality of life. The main reason why the conflict becomes a contradiction is the lack of effective communication, try to communicate sincerely with your mother, empathize, understand each other, and find a compromise that is comfortable for both parties, such as tidying up the room regularly or maintaining a certain degree of cleanliness. After all, "if you don't sweep a house, how can you sweep the world", right? I believe that you will be able to handle it well if you are independent!
4.I like a certain celebrity very much, and I will save pocket money to buy peripherals, which feels very decompressing and relaxing. But my mother thinks that I am a bad child and ignorant of star-chasing. How do I get her to understand me?
Answer: Star chasing is not understood by my mother, and I am misunderstood by my mother as a bad child, which is really distressing. To make her understand you, it is important to communicate with your mother more.
First of all, talk about chasing stars and find a "partner" for chasing stars. Teenagers in every era have their own idols to follow and worship, and many parents may also have memories and experiences of chasing stars. So ask mom to share the idols of her time, evoke memories, resonate and promote mutual understanding. Then try to share with your mom the background, accomplishments, and characteristics of the star you like, especially the inner strength of the star, so that she understands why you like the star.
Second, face up to your worries and strike a balance. In response to your mother's worries, make a reasonable study plan, actively participate in extracurricular activities and social activities, etc., and show your mother that you can balance your studies and chase stars, and even study harder and live more actively because of your idols. Using your own pocket money to buy peripheral products also ensures that it will not affect other aspects of life.
Finally, be patient and communicate emotional needs. Parents can understand and accept that their children's hobbies sometimes take some time, and usually share the happiness, ease and stress that star chasing brings you, as well as the friendship you have gained with your partner who chases stars, I believe she can understand and support your interests and hobbies. Come on!
A little tangle for parents.
1.My child has recently become obsessed with sneakers, and he is always thinking about what to buy with functional running shoes. Although we can afford the shoes, I am afraid that if I agree to buy them, I will spoil him, and I am worried that if I don't buy them, he will feel that his parents will treat him badly, what should I do?
A: Your concerns are completely understandable. When dealing with this situation, there are a few things to consider:
Communication and understanding. Find out why kids love sneakers. Try to understand why your child is interested in sneakers. It may be influenced by peers or social **, or he thinks it's a fashion and wants to fit in.
Balance and education. You can discuss the pros and cons of buying sneakers with your child, explaining that a pair of functional running shoes can better protect his foot health and make him more comfortable and safe during sports. At the same time, it is also necessary to educate children not to pursue material pleasures excessively, and to learn to consume rationally.
Restrictions and Rules. You can agree with your child that if he wants to buy such sneakers, he needs to meet certain conditions, such as the child's self-discipline has made great progress, actively participates in extracurricular activities, etc., and can also set a reasonable budget with the child according to family conditions.
Facilitation and demonstration. Parents' behaviors and attitudes have a great impact on their children, and they should set an example and establish correct consumption concepts and values for their children.
The most important thing is to maintain open and respectful communication with your child so that he feels that you care and understand and find the best way to solve the problem together.
2.Children love to play games, but it is forbidden to play at home. During the winter vacation, he went to his classmates to write his homework but played quietly. It seems unreasonable not to allow him to go to the same school, but if he goes to the same school, he will definitely rub the play of his classmates. What to do appropriately?
Answer: When children play games, parents are worried about addiction, so they often guard against it, for fear that their children will fall into the quagmire of games. In fact, parents don't have to worry too much, there are pros and cons to playing games, instead of letting children play secretly, it is better to take the initiative to communicate with children, tell children the reasons why they are forbidden to play games, and talk frankly about your concerns about his games. At the same time, understand the needs of children's games, and the possibilities and rules of children's games, and be sure to implement them in place at the beginning to help establish good game habits.
If you really don't want your child to play games, you can try the following:
Establish a reward and punishment mechanism. When the child goes to the same school under the pretext of going to the same school, he and the child discuss the homework tasks to be completed and the time to go home, etc., and complete the reward (the content of the reward must be attractive to the child). If you don't finish it, you will cancel the opportunity to go to the same school to write homework, because it is agreed in advance to go to the same school to write homework together, and you must have the spirit of contract.
Look for alternative activities. If possible, you can also ask your child to invite classmates to come to the home to do homework, and design and prepare some interesting activities, such as physical activities and mental games, as a substitute for video games during breaks, to help children find other beneficial hobbies and hobbies, and shift their attention from games to other aspects.
Form a parent alliance. If you find that he often plays games with his classmates, you can try to communicate with the parents of his classmates and jointly supervise their learning and activities.
In short, it is necessary to communicate effectively with your child and establish a good parent-child relationship with your child. This is the premise for solving all problems.
3.My daughter is obsessed with a certain idol male star, but I think she is too weak and not tough enough. I'm worried that her chasing such an idol will affect her view of love and mate selection, how can I talk to her?
Answer: Different eras, different regions, and different people have different views on what it means to be a beautiful man and a husband. The reason why this world is colorful is precisely because of the great diversity of people's aesthetics. The "tough guy" in the eyes of parents certainly has advantages such as bravery, responsibility, and ability, but it is also likely to have shortcomings such as machismo, roughness, and rudeness. Because in the eyes of their daughters, they are humble gentlemen who are meticulous and gentle, fashionably dressed, respect women, and make people feel safe. Of course, the vast majority of teenagers chasing stars have no longevity, and with the passage of time and the gradual maturity of their own minds, the idols they worship have changed or even disappeared. As a parent, you don't have to be overly nervous, you can ask your child why she likes this idol, what strengths are worth learning, and take the opportunity to have a healthy view of love and rational mate selection criteria with her to guide your child to chase stars rationally.
4.The child said that if his classmates did well in the exam, his parents would give him a reward of a few hundred yuan, and he hoped that I would do the same. I think rewarding with money might have an effect, but I'm worried about the downside. What is the right thing to do?
A: I feel the responsibility and dedication of my parents, but I don't need to worry too much. If your child does well in the exam, the first thing you want to be recognized by your parents is to praise and encourage your child, so don't hesitate to tell your child, which can enhance your child's confidence and motivation.
First of all, let the child understand that no matter what kind of reward is the affirmation of the child's learning process during this time, it is the love of parents for the child, guide the child to pay attention to the fun of the learning process rather than the only achievement, protect and stimulate the child's intrinsic motivation to learn, and avoid the child from relying too much on the external reward, and ignoring the fun and meaning of learning itself.
Second, children want to be rewarded with money, and parents can understand the needs behind it, such as the sense of independence that may be seeking autonomy over money. Therefore, parents can work with their children to set specific goals and rewards. Money is just one of the ways, it can be had, but it can also be a carefully selected gift from parents or letting go of the child to plan a parent-child activity, etc. The form can be selected in the form of scratch card or ** to increase the fun.
In short, take every growth and progress of the child seriously, praise him from the heart, recognize him, and cultivate his sense of achievement and self-confidence, the child will become more positive and better.
5.Because of how to use the New Year's money, I quarreled with my children. The child collected thousands of New Year's money for the New Year, saying that he would use it to chase stars to buy concert tickets, but I don't think this is good, and we should spend the New Year's money on buying books, and we can't convince each other.
A: The Chinese New Year is coming soon, and the happiest thing for children is to receive New Year's money from their elders. As for who the New Year's money belongs to and how it should be kept, it has become a topic of controversy in many families. Children in junior high school have an independent understanding of New Year's money and want to use it to satisfy their interests and hobbies, while parents want their children to be more financially rational and responsible.
Parents can sit down and have an open and honest conversation with their children, and tell their children the truth about the New Year's money, which is the favor money exchanged between relatives, part of the family's expenditure, not entirely his personal income, and the common property of the family. Take the opportunity to educate and establish the awareness of money management, and help children understand the value of money and the importance of management. Listen carefully to your child's opinions and wishes, and work with your child to create a reasonable budget plan that divides the New Year's money into multiple parts. Part of it is used for one's own hobbies, such as doing public welfare activities (the insufficient part can be earned by one's own labor), and part is used for education or other valuable goals, such as buying books. This can not only satisfy children's interests, but also cultivate their reasonable consumption concepts.
Actively communicate and understand each other, so that your child understands that you are putting forward your own opinions out of care and love. At the same time, it is important to respect children's opinions and provide them with opportunities to make their own decisions within the appropriate range.
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