Weibo hot discussion: What is the unwillingness after the breakup?
Wanting to break up and being broken up are very different situations.
If you propose to break up, it will be considered as a wish;If you are broken up, you will inevitably feel unwilling, after all, the relationship ends so hastily, which is unacceptable.
I can't forget, I can't let go, and I even want to stalk, all because of the reluctance in my heart.
The scariest thing about 01 breakups is that it doesn't just mean losing the other person.
According to psychologist Arcos, most of life's misfortunes are caused by unwillingness.
Attachment to the past, attachment to lost emotions, and the endless search for memories can lead to a person who is stuck in the same place.
It's a subconscious mindset that seems to think that what you've lost will also take with you.
In the first half of this year, I saw a report that a Zhejiang girl was asked to break up with her boyfriend who had been talking about her for six years, and she was unwilling and chose to call the police for help. I hope the police can find the man to seek justice.
After the police arrived at the scene, they persuaded in a calm but firm tone: "Since the decision has been made, it should be simpler."
It's not worth it, end it all cleanly, decently!”
The girl responded with a crying voice, "I just don't understand why he did this to me?".”
Faced with the dilemma after the breakup, some people will dig into what they did wrong, which led to being abandoned.
Some people will be so sad that they can't sleep all night, and their food is tasteless;There are also people who regret it, fall into repeated memories and can't extricate themselves, and even want to contact the other party.
However, if we can clearly realize that we can't let go because we are unwilling to be broken up, then it means that we have gradually regained our senses.
As for the reason for those unwillingness, it may not be how much we love each other, but because we care too much about our own feelings, cannot accept our own position in the other person's heart, and cannot accept the reality of being abandoned.
In essence, in this relationship, you have lost yourself.
According to Cooley, the "me in the mirror" theory states that the way others treat us is like a mirror, reflecting our image and thus influencing the shaping of our self-concept.
In the realm of intimacy, partners become mirrors of this, and changes in their perception of us have a direct impact on how we perceive ourselves.
So when a relationship ends, the biggest challenge people face is not emotional loss, but the collapse of self-perception.
In the variety show "Brilliant Forward", Chen Ming's words were deeply exciting.
He said: "When you don't know why the other person loves you, or even feel that you don't have anything to love, you may become bottomless and value this relationship more than anything else."
But remember, only by constantly cultivating that 'tough core' in your heart and always cherishing your self-worth, you will find that even if you lose this relationship, you can be calm and calm again, and you will no longer be sad because of the loss of love.
That's when you will understand that you can live more freely and chicly, because you know that the presence of a man does not define your life. ”
The reason why feathers tend to flutter and get lost in the wind is because they are too light and weightless.
In the same way, when our ego lacks stability and is not firm in our core, it is easy to be led by the nose by the attitude of our partner.
In fact, the end of a relationship is not terrible, what is really terrible is that we lose our partner and lose ourselves at the same time.
02 The more I want to let go, the more I feel that it is difficult to give up.
The more you wonder if you've left the past behind, the more clearly you'll be able to recall every detail.
Breaking up, that is just a form of ending, not a real emotional goodbye.
We may try to hide our nostalgia and try to feign relief.
However, it often only takes a moment of memories to flood in, and it is difficult to suppress emotional fluctuations, and tears pour down. You may try to suppress that emotion, but in the end, you will understand that the more you try to forget, the harder it will be to let go.
In the field of psychology, there is a very famous experiment called "Don't think about the pink elephant".
George Lekauf, a professor of languages at the University of California, often gives students such exercises in his Cognitive Science Fundamentals class. He usually reminds his students along the lines of "Please don't think about that pink elephant.
Please don't think about the pink elephant, please, please don't think about the pink elephant anymore.
The reality is that the more he emphasizes this outcome, the less anyone will be able to achieve it.
Just like an insomniac, the more you force yourself to fall asleep, the more awake you will become.
Sometimes, you make an effort to stop thinking about those sad memories.
But you find that this approach is often counterproductive, and those painful moments will appear more clearly in front of your eyes.
There are certain things in life that are deeply imprinted when you desire to be engraved in your heart.
And other things, you try to erase them from your mind, but it seems to slowly dissipate in a light breeze and drizzle.
If you can't let go of something, then don't force yourself to forget, because forgetting is like a cloud that goes with the wind and water that flows with the waves, without any effort.
In a scene in the TV series "Snail House", the breakup of seaweed fell on Mo Xiaobei's heart like a boulder.
He endured pain, and the unwillingness and resentment in his heart burned like a flame.
He tried every means to forget the experience, but the more he tried to forget, the more vivid the memory became.
He was struggling, confused, and even a little hopeless.
But life is always full of surprises and hopes, just like the water of time flowing quietly, and the years echoing melodiously like a song.
When Mo Xiaobei thought that he couldn't get out of the shadows, the appearance of another girl was like a dawn illuminating his world.
Time flies, time flies.
When Mo Xiaobei was about to give up, time gave him the best answer in its unique way: let go of the past and welcome the future.
In the years of youth, our feelings for a person are often very pure, and we are eager to create countless beautiful futures with him.
However, when you learn that He is going to withdraw from your ......
Everyone has had such a dream, but unfortunately time waits for no one, and you must wake up.
At that time, they will try to keep it, and they will be full of attachment and reluctance.
It was a very difficult time, as if my heart was torn apart, I wanted to forget but couldn't forget, I wanted to be strong but I was also vulnerable, I wanted to be happy but I shed tears.
However, instead of deceiving yourself and pretending to have let go, give your mind some time. Let it hurt if it hurts, and it's okay to cry.
You have to believe that this is the most real experience in your heart, because there is always such a journey.
Don't try to run away or pretend that there is no such thing, and let this stage of existence be recognized and accepted as it deserves.
As someone once said, "If you can't let go, don't put it down, if you can't forget, just leave it like this", this is just a part of life, and it is also a process of growth.
So don't be afraid to move forward, and once in a while stop and look back.
At first you may look back at every step you take, but gradually you will find yourself every three steps, then ten steps, then a hundred steps, ......Until you are no longer willing to look back on the past.
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When you expect too much from an outcome, you will see it as extremely important, even becoming the whole of your world.
But sometimes, it's our care that puts a golden halo on that ordinary person.
Remember, the pain won't go away, but it will pass.
One day we will understand that there will always be some regrets in life;We will also suddenly become enlightened that not being able to be with loved ones is the norm;We will be relieved that not all encounters have happy endings, but every encounter has its own meaning of existence.
Although the pain remains, eventually we will learn to live in harmony with it.
Author;Jennifer.