There will always be moments in our lives when we need to give comfort to others. But how to comfort others effectively is an art. Here are five takeaways and four don'ts for effective comfort.
First, be a witness. Sometimes, all we need is a listener, someone who is willing to be the trash can of others. We need to learn to say what we see and hear, to confirm the other person's feelings, and not to try to give a solution right away.
Second, give affirmation. Affirming the other person's feelings is reasonable, using the emotional vocabulary the other person is speaking to affirm their emotions and make them feel that they are not alone. Don't shift your focus to your own experience, but focus on the other person's story.
Third, encourage the other person to express themselves. Give the other person more space to express themselves and don't make them feel criticized or provoked. Don't jump to the solution, but tell the other person that their feelings are heard and cared for.
Fourth, focus on the present. Pay attention to the other person's current feelings and don't try to cheer them up or downplay their emotions. If the other person wants to cry, let them cry, and don't try to stop it or say that it will be okay later, as this may make the other person feel that their emotions are being ignored.
Finally, stay by each other's side. Sometimes, the other person just needs your company, not your words. Give the other person a hug and offer the same amount of emotional support as usual, but don't pay too much attention or deliberately change your tone of voice or the way you speak, which may make the other person feel pitiful.
Overall, effective comfort requires us to learn to listen, affirm, encourage expression, focus on the present moment, and give companionship. These points can help us build deeper and more authentic relationships. If you are interested in psychology, please feel free to chat with me privately, and we can ** more topics about emotions and relationships together.