Recently, many friends have been enthusiastically thinking about how to spend this Spring Festival holiday.
Some people sigh that after a year of busy travel, what they yearn for in their hearts is nothing more than those quiet and leisurely lying times at home.
There are also people who choose to enrich themselves in a different way, planning to travel, watch movies, and immerse themselves in the sea of books, so as to recharge their spiritual batteries.
In any case, there is a common desire to use this precious period of recuperation to achieve a deep and effective journey of self-healing.
The famous psychologist Wu Zhihong profoundly explained in his book "Talking to Another Self" that not all fatigue can be relieved simply by resting.
Perhaps, in this year, you have worked hard and swam in the torrent of life like a fish in water, but you still can't awaken the vitality of your heart;
Perhaps, you think that you have cultivated to be independent and strong, and your emotions are as stable as a strength, but the tiredness in your heart still lingers, and it seems that reconciliation with your true self is out of reach;
Or perhaps, you have tried to change the status quo positively, but the reality is contrary to your ideals and has backfired.
If you are faced with all this confusion and the answers from the outside world have not satisfied your needs, then why not try to find the best path to self-healing from the heart in these four philosophical words.
The real way to relieve tiredness is to enter into a relationship.
Have you ever been caught in a period of low energy in your life? It is a state of irritability, waning enthusiasm and complaints, accompanied by poor sleep quality and physical fatigue.
At that time, I had just been freed from a difficult task and was trying to recuperate by resting, but the process of recovering was unusually slow. Although I tried many methods, I was unable to get rid of the double trouble of anxiety and exhaustion.
During this period of self-struggle, an editor who was close to me keenly captured my recent evaporation of life, and reminded me to avoid self-isolation and keep my heart open.
Out of trust in her professionalism and personality, I am not good at revealing my heart on weekdays, so I choose to pour out my inner dissatisfaction and anxiety to her without reservation. She gave me very targeted and accurate feedback and suggestions for my confusion.
This experience gave me my first profound experience of how energy can flow and transform in human interactions. Later, I took the initiative to have two more in-depth conversations with her and asked her how to become a person with high energy.
She told me that it is impossible for people's energy to always be at its peak, and when we are full of energy, we should help our friends to relieve their anxiety. When our energy is at a low ebb, we should seek the help of reliable people to listen and let the energy flow between each other.
Hearing this, I woke up from a dream, and it turned out that actively participating in interpersonal relationships is also an excellent way to adjust and improve myself.
Nowadays, I am accustomed to interacting with my friends frequently, responding to their daily life sharing with my heart, and sharing my life insights generously and honestly.
In the process, I saw a better version of myself in the mirror of my relationship, and at the same time, I gradually stopped being harsh and attacking myself.
A netizen shared her unique experience that in order to get rid of the heavy 996 work model in China, she resolutely chose to move to a country with a low population density and family life in Western Europe. There, long and abundant vacations became her daily routine, although most of the time she enjoyed the tranquility alone.
In this rhythm of life, she tried various ways to enrich herself: exercising to stay active, traveling everywhere to broaden her horizons, immersing herself in the sea of books to nourish her soul, and intoxicating ** to soothe her emotions. However, in the face of such an endless holiday time, that sense of loneliness that is difficult to dispel is quietly breeding.
If people lack a deep emotional bond, they often fall into a kind of "lonely exhaustion". It is as if there are two competing selves deep inside, one is my yearning for an ideal life, and the other is my reflection on the actual situation, and the contradiction between the two brings endless internal consumption.
So, after making sure her body was well-rested, she realized that she had to actively seek out trusted friends who could speak freely and use their power to help her sort out and reshape her mind.
Life is like a road of ups and downs of energy, and finding interpersonal relationships that allow one's energy to flow smoothly is also a process of self-redemption.
Only by building your own small world can you embrace the big world.
In the complexity and triviality of life, many invisible internal frictions often originate from the word "forbearance". People endure the endless demands and intrusions of others, and at the same time, deep down they suppress the emotions of resistance and self-aggression.
In the Douban Inner Energy Group, a bean friend named Sen shared her life experience after suffering from cancer. In order to cater to the beautiful vision depicted by the leader, she silently endured pressure, calm and gentle on the surface, but in fact, she created the illusion that things were in the past in a self-digesting way. Even though working late into the night has become the norm, she struggles to maintain fitness, social and recreational activities by compressing her precious sleep time, and even commits herself on this "time management" ability.
It wasn't until the onset of illness that she began to reflect on her relentless exploitation of her body. What's even more regrettable is that because he is too empathetic on weekdays, even in the midst of illness, the people around him rarely lend a hand. Now, she has decided to stop the eyes, evaluations and feelings of the outside world as the orientation of life, and calmly face her desire for affection and companionship.
This makes us deeply aware that "living yourself first" is not an easy task. How many people are like this "bean friend", while pursuing the realization of self-worth, in order to cater to the "sensible" in the eyes of others, they constantly criticize themselves until they are physically and mentally exhausted, and the stability of the strong support instantly collapses in the face of the sudden impact of the outside world.
The book "Talking to Another Self" concludes brilliantly: In order to build and maintain our own stable and strong inner world, we must learn a healthy "selfishness".
The "selfishness" here contains two deep meanings:
First, the emotional problems of others are not my responsibility.
Second, I have my own secrets, my own space, and my own inviolable boundaries, which are rights that no one else can interfere with.
On the Weibo platform, there was a hotly debated topic: how to make clever use of the small space in the room. Many netizens showed their unique space renovation plan.
Some netizens carefully arranged a warm and elegant small desk, creating a corner for reading and thinking just right; And some netizens choose to decorate it with vibrant green plants and comfortable carpets to create a secret base where you can leisurely follow dramas and enjoy alone time.
Even if it is just a corner, the power it contains should not be underestimated, the key is whether we can face up to our own needs and put them at the core of life.
Those who force themselves to over-give and ignore their own needs tend to have more demanding standards for the world and others, and are more difficult to draw nourishment and strength from interpersonal interactions.
Therefore, we first need to carefully build and improve our own small world, so that our hearts can be placed, so that we can better embrace and live in harmony in this vast big world.
Clean up your space and don't let the bad ones invade easily.
If one day, you suddenly notice that your thoughts are flowing but you have lost the vitality of innovation, and your emotions have faded from the warm temperature, then this is the moment when you urgently need to carry out a deep space clearance. This space encompasses your living environment, your world of thoughts, the depths of your mind, your time planning, and even your network.
In a column, I noticed such a question: work pressure is high, and I always want to work overtime on rest days, but it is difficult to resist the use of mobile phones during the working day**, resulting in work and rest can not be properly handled, how to deal with this?
The answer given by experts is actually a process of self-purification and organization.
The first step is to clear your mental territory: uninstall the time-killing apps, replace them with meditation software, and try a five-minute mini-meditation when you want to immerse yourself in the ocean of information, and you will revel in the beautiful experience of inner peace.
Second, sort out your time dimension: leave a blank space in your life and avoid overfilling it and making every moment seem crowded.
Generously set aside some time for walking, meditating, listening**, enjoying a massage, etc., so that your body and soul can be fully cared for.
Finally, optimize your network: make your family a source of energy, spend more time with your family, love your partner and children, and immerse yourself in the happiness that family brings, which will create a positive and virtuous cycle.
As for relationships that do not nourish you and make you uncomfortable, you have the right to choose to let go or keep an appropriate distance in order to maintain inner harmony and balance.
Two days ago, I saw such a clip on the live broadcast platform: A young lady asked the anchor why she was older than the male ticket, but he neither mentioned marriage nor broke up, which made her confused.
The anchor calmly wrote the word "free" on the blackboard. I don't know if the young lady realized that she had met a "scumbag" when she saw these two words?!
Sometimes, a relationship that seems stable and beautiful in the eyes of others can be a pitfall for you.
Although the other half keeps saying that this is love and is for your good, if it makes you feel terrible or even lose your self-confidence, then kick this thing out of your life quickly!
Just like cleaning up your phone's memory and throwing away expired snacks on a regular basis, you can sweep away all those destructive relationships, superfluous thoughts, and unpleasant things, so that your life is full of positive energy and laughter, and you can live for yourself with your head held high!
The best way to grow is to be your true self.
In the picture scroll of life, there is a kind of exhaustion that comes from the blind pursuit of other people's life templates. When the fitness anchor shows a healthy and full vitality and a strong body, we can't wait to ** a series of fitness tutorials;
When the book blogger lit up the conversation with a spark of wisdom and witty words, we immediately placed an order and bought a stack of books; And the quiet and indifferent life mood of home bloggers made us can't help but buy tea sets and scriptures, eager to create a quiet atmosphere of the years.
It's always after witnessing the wonderful moments of others that we love to imitate and aspire to transcend, as if their lives are our ideal blueprint.
So, we weave a lengthy list of goals for ourselves: wake up early in the morning and do an energetic aerobics, plan to immerse yourself in the world of a book for three days, and challenge ourselves to learn a new dish every week......
At first, we all feel like we are full of energy, but this passion is often fleeting, and soon we feel overwhelmed, and even start to blame ourselves, thinking that our own lack of self-discipline is hindering the path to a better self.
However, instead of falling into endless self-criticism, it is better to reflect calmly: those who have a clear mouth and a light posture are often behind the accumulation of more than ten years of accumulation, or even the results of professional cultivation.
In reality, we can't make such a leap in a short period of time, and we can only temporarily satisfy our inner yearning through little actions and rich imagination. Every time a new goal emerges, we will plunge into the next round of pursuit without hesitation.
At such times, we should look deeply into ourselves, find out what we are good at and what we are suited for, and start from a practical starting point.
In my case, instead of blindly piling up a lot of fitness**, I first carefully evaluate my actual situation: I am not highly motivated, my time is limited, and it is difficult to maintain a long-lasting exercise habit. That's why I chose to set aside only one day a week to exercise, which was simplified to light walking and stretching, so that there was no stress and I felt physically and mentally satisfied.
Charlie Munger, a famous investment guru, has repeatedly emphasized that building a rational and happy life is inseparable from two key elements: one is to moderately lower expectations, and the other is to know how to hide the edge of wisdom at the right time.
When we envy others too much and aspire to be the image of many ideals, we will not only invisibly raise our own expectation threshold, but also interfere with the pace of actual action. At this time, you might as well put aside all distractions for a while, go back to the depths of your heart, and think about what you can do at the moment and how far you can do these things.
We don't have to put endless pressure and demands on ourselves in order to conform to the standards of perfection in the eyes of others; This state of inner contradiction will only exhaust us physically and mentally, and we will never be able to find a balanced fulcrum in our lives.
True self-salvation lies in believing in the power of oneself and the value of others at the same time. We need to go hand in hand and grow together, and this is the true meaning of self-transcendence.
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