1 When I was in college, I played Truth or Dare with my friends, and a girl lost, so she chose Dare and used her mobile phone to call a male teacher at school (turn on hands-free), and said: Hello, your mobile phone has been shut down in arrears.
The male teacher replied: Your Mandarin is not standard, you have to practice Mandarin well.
Everyone laughed!
2 Once when I was riding the bus, a beautiful girl on the bus always looked at me. I thought: The girl may be interesting to herself, and she can't help but feel good in her heart. The girl got off the train at the station, and I followed her. The girl walked ahead, looking back from time to time. Later, I mustered up the courage to run up and humorously accosted: "Beauty, why do you always look at me? Do I have rice grains on my face? The girl glared at me and said, "Are you sick?" I don't wipe it even though I know it. ”
3A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she could only pull the pull tab on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver braked suddenly, and the fat woman broke the pull ring, and suddenly pounced in front of the driver, the driver looked at her and the pull ring in her hand, and said angrily: "Collect three, send the driver a signed photo!" ”
4After dinner, my wife carefully helped me cut my nails, and polished and wiped them one by one after cutting. She took my hand and looked at it under the lamp, and the little tenderness revealed in her serious concentration made me secretly swear in my heart that I must love the woman in front of me even more. Just when my heart was fluctuating, my wife patted my hands: "Good, the nails are cut, hurry up and wash the clothes, so that the yarn will not be hung!" ”
5 girlfriends and the third male voter talked again.
The reason is that the male ticket is reluctant to give gifts, the girlfriend is unhappy, the two people quarrel, and the male ticket is anxious and says: Look at you, look at the airport in front, look at the telephone pole ...... the side
Then the man was beaten and almost hospitalized!
6 Last night it rained and was idle, the family shouted to play mahjong, I was lucky, and I had several ** in a row, my wife kept losing, and I owed me first when the money was lost. I stretched out a finger in front of her once I lost, and when I saved five yuan, my wife slapped me and said if it was enough!
7. The school organizes math exams and allows students to use calculators. In the examination room, the students worked hard to write and use calculators to calculate various exam questions. At this time, an exclamation suddenly came from a corner of the examination room: "Oh my God, how did I bring the remote control at home!" ”
8 took my boyfriend home, and at the dinner table, my boyfriend said that he wanted to get married: Ask my mother if she has any requirements? My mother said happily: It's good to get married, it's good to get married, just a bride price of 200,000 yuan! I was shocked when I heard it, my mother is so ruthless, and I'm ready to help my boyfriend bargain...Mom paused, and then said that if not, 20 would be fine! Your happiness is the most important thing! I ......20 yuan, it's too child's play! Looking at her boyfriend's flattered expression, she is ready to let her mother raise the price again, and the minimum price is 100!
9. My girlfriend asked me: "If I have no breasts, no ass, no figure, no face, no job, no culture, no connotation, no IQ, will you still love me?" I replied angrily: "What if, what's the difference with you now?"
10 An elderly couple who are reluctant to cook plays cards to decide who loses and who does, and uses objects in life as cards.
The old man took out a pair of hoes and put them on the table and said, "A pair of sevens; The old woman took out two gourds and said: One pair of eight;
The old man took out two eggs and said, "A pair of eggs," and the old woman took out a pair of tongs and said, "A pair of sharp eggs;
The old man grabbed the two ducks and said, "One against two", and the old woman hugged her grandchildren and put them on the table and said: "A pair of imps;
The old man hugged the old woman on the table and sat down on it himself, saying, "A pair of big ghosts." Then the old woman suddenly laughed, she let out a fart and said: Bomb! Then the old man lost and went to cook.
11Several neighborhood women went to Lao Wang's house and saw Lao Wang's daughter-in-law moving furniture around when she was cleaning the house, which made her have a sore back.
A woman asked, "What about your old king, why don't you wait for him to come back before moving?" ”
Lao Wang's daughter-in-law said angrily: "He came back and lay on the sofa, can I still move?" ”
12He came home later and later, and today he came back so late. I found a woman's long hair on the clothes he took off, lipstick marks on the collar, and the smell of women's perfume, and he was still secretly texting, very abnormal......Do you have a woman outside? "Ah......Mom, don't ask so much! ”