Even today, with the open-mindedness of modern society, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is still the most difficult interpersonal relationship to handle. In the final analysis, the feudal etiquette that originated from the feudal dynasty constrained the freedom of too many women.
It is often said that ten years to see the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, ten years to see the husband and wife, but in fact, every family should pursue a harmonious mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship.
Under the influence of feudal thinking, many women have suffered unfair treatment and tragedy under the traditional concept of inheritance. The famous writer Su Xuelin was deeply affected by it.
Her path to education and growth was due to her grandmother's patriarchal attitude, and she lost many good educational opportunities. Her mother, too, suffered from her grandmother's mistreatment because of this.
Living in the ** period, when feudal ideas collided with trendy ideas, Su Xuelin's grandmother's behavior was really unacceptable. She has always adhered to the concept that a woman's lack of talent is virtue, so even if Su Xuelin survived the turbulent years, she has never been able to get the respect and fairness she deserves.
opened the door of wisdom in the private school, although Su Xuelin could recognize a few words, but the opportunity to go to school was monopolized by his brothers. However, she was not discouraged by this. She used her spare time to borrow her brother's ** reading, and the fantasy world, chivalrous feelings, and amorous love in the book have all become the direction she yearns for.
That's the real reason why she ended up becoming a writer.
Although he was only given the opportunity to study at the age of seventeen, Su Xuelin did not stop at the desire to learn because he dropped out of school halfway. Her elders used to hold conservative views, and the obstruction of her studies could not shake her determination to pursue her dreams.
What makes people feel quite helpless is that all this seems to have a lot to do with the conflict between her mother and grandmother's mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Su Xuelin's grandmother was an old lady with a feudal tradition, and she firmly believed that boys were more precious than girls, so when Su's mother was pregnant, she had a brief period of kindness to her daughter-in-law, but with Su Xuelin's birth, the situation of her mother and son fell into misery again.
Since then, Grandmother Su has always said how filial her daughter-in-law is and gave birth to a girl to their Su family. On the surface, he was praising his daughter-in-law, but in fact, he was using this way to belittle the fact that Grandmother Su herself could not have children.
In Grandmother Su's opinion, the more children of the Su family, the better, and the prosperity of the family can make the whole family stronger. As a large local family, the Su family is fully capable of raising more children.
However, in fact, Su's mother once had a son, but because of Su's grandmother, he died early. Although Su Xuelin has an older brother, his little life also ended because of Su's grandmother.
So, what role did Grandmother Su play in this tragedy?
According to the above, Su's grandmother firmly believed that the larger the family, the better, so she gave birth to more than a dozen children, but even so, she was still deeply satisfied. As Su Xuelin's mother married the Su family, her thoughts became a little wrong.
When her daughter was in her twenties, she hoped that Grandmother Su would continue to give birth.
In one family, there was a surprising phenomenon: the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law gave birth almost simultaneously. Grandmother Su did this because she was too old to produce enough milk, while her daughter-in-law was young and strong, and the milk produced after giving birth could be used to feed her grandchildren.
Although the act of letting her daughter-in-law feed her brother-in-law may be considered mad, Grandmother Su believes that outsiders do not know as well as her family after all.
She worries that if the wet nurse's background is not clean, then her grandson's food will be tainted. Therefore, she feeds not only her own children, but also her mother-in-law's children.
What's even more distressing is that Grandmother Su insisted that her daughter-in-law put the child's eating problem first. When she saw Su's mother taking care of her child, she immediately scolded, although Su's mother explained that she had already fed her brother-in-law, but Su's grandmother still accused her of not fulfilling her responsibilities to her own child.
Su's mother was under such pressure, and although her children were often hungry, she could only bear it silently, unable to resist the strong mother-in-law. It was for this reason that the child was weak and sick from an early age, and finally passed away early.
However, even after the death of her grandson, Su's grandmother still did not realize her mistakes, and Su's mother was still cold to Su's mother, who gave birth to the girl, and her image of a wicked mother-in-law was deeply rooted in people's hearts, and she could not accept the mistakes she had made before.
Su Xuelin's upbringing environment was full of pressure and suffering. But she had a firm belief in studying and resisted the oppression of her elders. Although the marriage eventually ended in divorce, she held on to her beliefs and was worthy of the girls of that era.
Feudal etiquette has poisoned many young people, which shows how harmful it is.
Depriving a girl of the opportunity to pursue a higher spiritual realm, even if she eventually becomes a wife, she may encounter the same predicament as Su's mother, and even unfortunately lose her own children.
The harmony of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship requires the goodwill of both parties, and if one of the parties treats the other with malice, no matter how the husband mediates, the conflict cannot be resolved. Whether it is the relationship between husband and wife, or the relationship between mother and child, it should not be a victim of the discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Only when the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are full of goodwill, can the daughter-in-law be filial.
The root of filial piety should come from within, not from the behavior that is forced to be performed under pressure. Grandmother Su was undoubtedly a victim of feudal etiquette and also walked this path, but imposing pain on the next generation was wrong in itself, and eventually led to many tragedies.
However, fortunately, there are always people who want to break free from this shackle, and even if the road ahead is bumpy, Su Xuelin has successfully done it.