It's almost the New Year, and believing in "blind dates" always worries many parents and embarrasses many young people.
The main reason is that we have not learned to look at and deal with blind dates correctly.
Of course, blind dates are a major event in the lives of young people themselves, and they should follow the wishes of our young people, and this article will tell what they should do from the perspective of young people. And for parent readers, it is possible to reflect and guide (but not forced).
1. Tell us why we want to go on a blind date and when we want to go on a blind date.
1.Why go on a blind date.
For the vast majority of people, there is only one reason for blind dates: that is, we can't find a partner on our own, so we want to go on a blind date.
This reason is very straightforward and realistic, if you really can't find a partner on your own, why don't you try to find it through a blind date, we need to reflect on this.
Let's talk about why many people can't find a partner on their own, there are two main reasons: on the one hand, they can't meet a single and attractive opposite sex, and on the other hand, they won't pursue it.
Blind dates can help us solve these two problems very well, because blind dates can help us find single people of the opposite sex (whether they are attractive or not), and blind dates can also help us save some pursuit steps (pick-ups and invitations) so that we can get directly to the topic.
Let's go a little deeper, why do you want to find a partner?
There are three main reasons: longing for sex, longing for love, and fear of loneliness.
Tip: The love here mainly refers to the relationship between men and women.
Sex is a physiological need, fear of loneliness is a spiritual need, and love is a spiritual pursuit.
We're all adults, and if you can face your desires, you should understand how important it is to find a partner.
Of the above three reasons, temperament may be resolved or endured in other ways, but loneliness is often the most unbearable.
In this long life, if there is no one by your side, how uncomfortable it is to have such days.
However, as long as you find a partner, someone will always be by your side, so that you will no longer be lonely; You can also fully enjoy the taste of "sex" and "love", making your life more complete and even more colorful.
In addition, some people are reluctant to go on a blind date because they attach too much importance to the so-called fate.
They think: when fate comes, they will always meet the person they like, and they will naturally be able to date and get married.
But what is fate?
Is it the meeting of two people, or is it the mutual affection of two people after getting along?
If it's just a simple encounter, then if you go on a blind date, isn't it also the fate of a certain opposite sex.
If it is said that two people have feelings for each other after getting along, then this kind of opportunity is probably only possible when they are students.
When we were students, we always had a crush on someone because of our long-term relationship.
However, after entering society, it is difficult for you to have the opportunity to spend a long time with a single and attractive person of the opposite sex. Isn't it true that if such an opportunity arises, you are not going to fall in love or even get married?
The answer is definitely no.
For young people who have already entered society, we need to change our concepts: we need to change from the previous passive (casual) cultivation of feelings to active (seeking fate) to cultivate feelings.
Only by changing your mindset will it be easier for you to find the object.
2.When to go on a blind date.
The answer to this question may be different for everyone, and here it will stand from a relatively pertinent and realistic perspective, you can refer to it.
Because blind dates are often linked to marriage, asking when to go on a blind date is actually indirectly asking us when we are going to get married.
When are you going to get married?
This question needs to be considered from three aspects: maturity, career, and age.
First of all, in terms of maturity, we need to try to prepare for marriage after we are a little more mature.
The slight maturity here mainly refers to: knowing how to earn and save money (the rich second generation and the rich can ignore this), and have a certain sense of responsibility (can be more serious and responsible in some things).
We can feel for ourselves whether we have met the requirements of a little maturity, and if so, we can feel comfortable going (preparing) to get married.
Secondly, for career, we need to try to prepare for marriage after our career is more stable.
If you are in the development period of your career, you are busy, or you are under a lot of pressure, it is obviously unrealistic to prepare for marriage at this point. Because it will make you either perfunctory or unable to do two things and get upset.
We can go through a period of development before we get ready to get married.
For young people, it is more about preparing to get married after having a stable job (stable income, sufficient income).
Finally, talking about age, we should try to consider marriage when we enter society.
Because by thinking about it early, you can roughly understand what kind of person you want to live with (minimum requirements), and you can roughly understand what kind of person you don't want to live with.
In this way, you can actively strive for and act when you meet the more "right" person; You can decisively refuse when you meet someone who is "wrong".
Let's talk about why we use the words "probably" and "comparatively" here, because no one is perfect, and we can only (or should) judge whether we like someone or not at a macro level.
As for the time to prepare for marriage, try to start planning well at the age of 25 or three years after entering the society.
At this point in time, on the one hand, we have matured a little bit, and on the other hand, our career or work (the initial stage) has come down a little.
It is recommended that you do not delay the marriage too late, for the following three reasons:
1) When you're older, it's hard to find a partner.
If you're not particularly attractive, it's hard to find a partner when you're older.
For most ordinary people, in their twenties, you can still find young, unmarried, passable-looking, and financially powerful people. When they reach their thirties, they can often only find someone who is old, divorced, poor-looking, and does not have a certain amount of financial strength.
2) When you are older, it is difficult to have children.
Not everyone can maintain a good physical condition all the time, and many young people have become less healthy and energetic in their twenties and thirties due to heavy work and irregular living habits. As you get older, it can become more difficult to conceive.
So, if you want to have a baby, try to get married as early as possible.
3) As we get older, we experience less sex.
This may sound cruel, but it is a reality.
When you are young, "sex" will always be very cool and always very motivated. However, as you get older, you will not be so happy, and at the same time, you will be less motivated.
So, find a partner early and enjoy it early.
Let's return to the topic of "blind date", generally speaking, around the age of 25 or three years after entering the society, if you feel that you are ready to get married, if you feel that it is difficult to find a partner on your own, you can consider going on a blind date.
2. How to make blind dates easier and find a more desirable object.
A normal blind date generally has four steps: know in advance - meet for the first time - get along for a while - decide whether to date and socialize.
Tip: We can get to know each other in advance, and if it is clear that the other party is not the type we like, then we don't even need to meet for the first time.
If you want to take it easy in the blind date process, you need to make a pre-agreement between the three parties, which mainly refer to: the introducer, the parents, and the blind date.
We need to talk to the introducer about our basic needs so that others don't mess with your introduction.
There are three main basic needs here: appearance, income (if you are rich, you can ignore this), and age.
Of course, if you have other needs, you can also mention it.
Many people are always afraid to ask for appearance, for fear that others will think they are superficial. However, valuing physical appearance is a normal physiological need of a person. If you inadvertently like someone, you really don't care about their appearance; However, I haven't liked it yet, and isn't it a matter of course to be attracted to and pursue appearance?
Many people are always afraid to ask for income, for fear that others will think they are snobbish. But, after all, you have to live with him, and you need money to live, and you can only live with money, how can you live without money. You must know that when you take money seriously, it is not that you are snobbish, but that you are mature. Of course, if the requirements are too high, it may really be a bit snobbish.
We need to make an agreement with our parents that they don't interfere too much. Because the excessive intervention of parents often causes us a lot of psychological pressure, so that we can't go on a blind date well, let alone go with the flow.
There are two main things to agree on: let us young people meet individually, and let us young people make their own decisions.
Some parents like to go on blind dates with their children, which will make us young people completely unable to let go; Some parents began to talk about marriage with each other's parents when they met for the first time, which made us young people embarrassed.
If we can let our young people talk about dating by themselves, if we can let our young people decide whether to date or even get married, the "blind date" will not have so much psychological pressure on our young people, and we need to communicate with the parents of the "overstepping" parents. Of course, if you don't want to get married or go on a blind date for the time being, you also need to communicate with your parents well and remember to explain the reason.
We need to make a gentleman's agreement with the blind date partner to ensure the normal progress and development of the blind date process.
When you meet for the first time, if you have a certain amount of affection for each other, but not much (more hazy), you can make an agreement with the blind date: get along for a while, but in the meantime we are just ordinary people, not a couple and not a couple, and we can't do something out of the ordinary.
If the other party is also a person who values feelings and is more upright, he will generally agree to your proposal.
In general, go on a few dates after getting along for a while. If it's really suitable, you'll be able to associate naturally; If it's not suitable, you can only refuse.
When it comes to rejection, we need to be as tactful as possible, whether it is for the introducer or for the blind date, it is the same. In general, we don't want to say anything about the other person's shortcomings, just say something like "it's not a good fit to get along with" or "he's not my type".
In addition, there are many channels for blind dates (friend introduction, relative introduction, colleague introduction, blind date**, etc.), if we really want to go on a blind date, it does not mean that there is only one way to choose, and it does not mean that it is difficult to find other people of the opposite sex to go on a blind date. So, be a little more assertive and let go a little bit.
Finally, how to tell if you like someone.
To put it in the abstract, it is to look at the feeling of getting along. If you feel good with them, it means that you like them.
To be specific, it is to see if he is attractive, and the charm here mainly includes two aspects: on the one hand, appearance, and on the other hand, it is interesting (think about whether the other party can make your life interesting). If the other party can make you feel interesting, in fact, the appearance requirements can also be appropriately relaxed.
However, liking here only represents the so-called "good feeling", while "love" requires a longer time to get along to cultivate affection.
Of course, marriage is not about falling in love, and for married life, it still needs a certain amount of financial support, at least the most basic survival issues.