1 I made an appointment with my roommate to go to the library on Saturday morning to read a book, but I didn't expect it to rain. The roommate lay on the bed, looked out the window, and asked: With such a heavy rain, are we still going?
Reply: In the wind and rain, what is this pain, wipe away your tears, don't be afraid, at least we still have dreams.
The roommate was touched: yes, we still have dreams.
So he lay down again.
2 Once, the mother of a classmate in the dormitory called **, and I used to say, "He is not here." ”
But this time I want to say: "It's already out." ”
The result was: "He's ......."It's gone. ”
3. My cousin, who just went to college, came to me and cried, saying that she was tanned after military training, and her boyfriend couldn't stand it and wanted to break up with her. I comforted her: This kind of stinky man, don't do it, such a good girl doesn't know how to cherish it, what's wrong with black spots, can I be black no matter how black it is? My cousin burst into tears and laughed: Well, my sister is so dark, no one has ever wanted it, and she is so optimistic, I want to learn this spirit from my sister!
4 I'm a boy, yesterday with a more unrestrained girl shopping, the girl looks more cute, but the heart is very many, passing by a bus stop, the girl pointed to the dispatch room above the three words and said, "Molesting room?" Uncle, why don't we go in and have fun? "I really want to find a hole to get into, those two girls next to me, what do you mean by laughing so loudly?
5. My ex-wife gave birth to a baby, and I gave 20,000 yuan as a gift, and my ex-wife's husband had to take the child for a paternity test that day.
Not long after the college roommate got married, he divorced because of his wife's cheating, and it didn't take long for his ex-wife and adulterer to get married. Later, when their children were full moon wine, the roommate ran to give his ex-wife 20,000 and asked her to take care of herself and the child, so she ......On that day, the ex-wife's husband was going to take the child for a paternity test. In the words of my buddy: No matter how much the man apologizes afterwards, this day will be restless!
6. When I returned to the community after work, I saw a girl downstairs greeting a little girl who was four or five years old. The little girl politely shouted to the girl: "Auntie", and the girl said to the little girl: Good, call sister, don't call Auntie, am I that old? The little girl thought for a long time and said: If I call you sister, doesn't it show that I am old?
7 In a Chinese school, a Chinese teacher suddenly forgot the next sentence during a lesson in ancient poetry. She tactfully translates this moment into classroom interaction, allowing students to "guess" the next sentence. The students came up with a variety of hilarious answers, turning an otherwise awkward situation into a lively and interesting lesson.
8 Xiao Ming and Xiao Hong saw a big snail during their spring outing. Xiao Ming asked curiously, "Xiaohong, can this snail fly?" Xiaohong replied innocently: "Of course not!" If it could fly, it would have flown away a long time ago, and there was no need to climb slowly. ”
9 When I went to the bank to do business, I saw a tsundere woman who was mad at the lobby manager:
I have to come in person to report the loss, how precious my time is, do you know? I can't send someone to bring my ID card, so let me ask you, what kind of proof materials can be obtained without me. ＂
The lobby manager probably lost his patience and replied coldly: Death certificate. ＂
10 Teacher: Xiao Ming, do you know how to swim?
Xiao Ming: No.
Teacher: Dogs can swim, but you're not as good as a dog.
Xiao Ming: Do you know how to swim?
Teacher: Yes. Xiao Ming: Is there a difference between you and a dog?
Teacher: Get out!
11Do you like gentle and kind girls, or young and beautiful girls?
This morning my girlfriend asked, "Do you like gentle, kind and sweet girls?" Or a young, beautiful and well-figured girl? Me: "Baby, I don't like any of them, I only like you" but ......But ......Oops, my face hurts. Guys, what am I saying wrong?
12 You are a dead **, and you still want to pretend to be my son!
At the end of the month, I overdrafted, and called my mother for help, and my mother chatted with me very happily at first. When I said that I wanted to borrow some money, my mother sneered: "Hmph, you are a dead **, and you still want to pretend to be my son!" After saying that, he hung up the **.