1. Recently, we slept in separate rooms with my wife. Afterwards, no matter how much I apologized, she would not pay attention to me. I couldn't help it, so I sent her a terrifying little **, and then locked the door. Now, no matter how loud the door knocks, I'm still bedridden! Sample, yesterday you ignored me, today I keep you awake at night!
2 The son often hears about some ** deceptive things, and suddenly one day, he thought that his mother is also a person who is easy to trust others, so he told his mother some things about others being deceived, and then said: "Mom, it is better to hand over all the passbooks at home to me for safekeeping." Unexpectedly, his mother stared at him for a long time, and said, "What is the difference between me handing over the money to you and being deceived?" ”
3. I'm in my mother's hands again!
Mom: Did you brush your teeth?
Me: Yes. Mom: Have you washed your face?
Me: Yes. Mom: Have you drunk any water?
Me: Yes. Mom: Did you lie?
Me: Yes. 4My wife and I quarreled, and when the quarrel was fierce, I wondered why a big man should be like a woman. What's more, it's his wife. At that time, I apologized to my daughter-in-law, and she was very happy.
After apologizing, her brother put down the knife, her brother's shovel also put down, her sister's hand pulling my hair also loosened, her rolling pin was thrown to the ground, and the old man also threw the brick!
5 A buddy was caught in early love and called his parents. When his father came, the teacher asked, "Your son is in early love, you have to take care of it." ”
As a result, the father said, "I know, that girl is quite beautiful." ”。
Teacher: "I know you don't care, how do you do it?" ”
As a result, his father was angry: "Tube? Don't let him be a partner, and you will marry a daughter-in-law when you grow up? ”
6 A jewelry store was burglarized, and when the police arrived at the scene, they found a drunk lying there.
In order to find out where the jewels went, the police found a bucket of cold water and pressed the drunkard's head into the water while asking, "Do you see those jewels?" ”
The drunkard opened his hazy eyes and said, "I'm sorry, I can't find it, so you might as well change to another diver!" ”
7 I went to the meeting early, and I was too tired at night, so I took a nap at this time and accidentally fell asleep. Suddenly, I heard someone clapping, and I immediately woke up and immediately applauded. Suddenly, I found that my colleagues were looking at me in shock, and the manager was also watching me, and a colleague next to me whispered to me: "Don't shoot, the manager claps to make everyone quiet." ”
8. Do you want to marry a wife like your mother in the future?
After eating, I took a walk in the park and saw a fat father and son doing exercise.
The father was helping his son do sit-ups, but when he saw that his son was dying, the father shouted, "Do you want to marry a wife like your mother in the future?" ”
The son yelled "I don't want to!" ”
Father: "Then try to ......."”
The son is motivated again.
9 I feel more and more that some things are predestined by God, and I can't hide from them. I went out to work this morning and my wife asked me what I wanted to eat at night. Crabs flashed to my head and I said I wanted to eat them. Later, when she bought it and went home, one of them escaped under the cupboard, and she reached in and caught it. Eventually, she caught the crab, and the crab's pincers pinched me for a whole year.
10I had a toothache and half of my face was swollen, and my little niece asked me what was in my mouth.
I teased her: good stuff!
She didn't tell her what I ate ...... when she asked me
When I was lying on the sofa after lunch and almost falling asleep, my little niece took a spoon and pried my mouth: What are you eating?
11Dude, don't walk around, act like you're a child's father!
Xiao Yi received ** that his wife was about to give birth in the hospital, so he asked a friend to drive him to the hospital.
When he arrived at the hospital, Xiao Yi was very nervous and asked his friends to accompany him again. My friend was going to go online to pass the time, but the hospital signal was poor, so he had to hold his mobile phone to find the signal. At this time, Xiao Yi said: "Dude, don't walk around, make it look like you are the child's father!" ”