One educator once concluded that one of the most frequently asked questions by parents is how to train their children to become sensible and obedient. It seems that in China, the goal of family cultivation is generally focused on raising children to become "sensible".
However, many parents don't seem to really understand, or are unwilling to, understand what it means to be truly sensible. In Mr. Luo Xiang's book, it is mentioned that it is normal to have different cognitions, and it is shameful to insist on one's own opinions, ignore different points of view, and refuse to think deeply.
Think about it carefully, under the guidance of hierarchical thinking, how many parents are exactly the kind of parents Luo Xiang described? In fact, in many people's minds, being sensible is not just about knowing things, but also about unconditional obedience and understanding of parents.
There is a story about a parent rewarding his son for "supermarket shopping", and the boy's behavior is distressing. Nowadays, in the era of focusing on "educational resources", even if students work hard, if they do not have a good family environment and educational resources, their development will be greatly limited. However, there are always some families who seem to have a deep "accumulation of virtue", and even if the parents are not highly educated, the children are extremely smart.
A sharer posted her son who was a top student, which made her very proud. The boys made progress again in the monthly exams of the last year of primary school, successfully finishing in the top 5.
It's not just her academic performance that makes her proud. According to the parents, according to the previous agreement, if the boy can make it to the top five, he will have the opportunity to have a "1-minute shopping" reward at the supermarket.
Specifically, when parents are accounting, students are allowed to randomly select the products they want in the supermarket, and the time limit is 1 minute. Usually, the average elementary school student hears about this kind of opportunity and may quickly "sweep" the goods, seizing the opportunity to get an item that they usually like but can't usually buy.
At first, the boy was keen to pick out the goods, but he only took one or two bags of snacks at a time, which seemed a little clumsy. At the end of the checkout, there are only a few daily food items in the cart and it doesn't cost much.
However, is it the students who are really clumsy? Many netizens may have seen that the reason why boys are like this is only because they are unwilling to burden their parents. He deliberately kept his excitement up just so as not to upset his mother.
Eventually, he deliberately chose only cheap items so as not to cost parents too much. Some netizens expressed their distress for him, for such a precocious and sensible child, is it an advantage or a sadness? For parents, having a child who is so considerate of them does save a lot of trouble. But what about students?
This kind of precocious "sensible" is sometimes helpless, and what is even more sad is that parents take their children for granted. There is nothing wrong with educating future generations to be sensible, but the problem lies in our misinterpretation of the word. As mentioned above, it is not so much about understanding "things" as it is about "unconditionally understanding parents".
However, on reflection, is such a standard fair? Teacher Wu Zhihong once proposed that the normal family relationship model should be that parents take the initiative to take the main responsibility and tolerate their children.
For example, parents are more anxious when students do not achieve satisfactory grades; When economic conditions are poor, parents will take various ways to save money. But if students are more worried than their parents, they are feeding adults in reverse.
There is a brutal sensibility that students cannot compare their parents to someone else's, regardless of their family circumstances. However, such parents often like to compare the strengths of other children's children with their own children's weaknesses.
Some netizens pointed out more realistically that the mother has been able to see her son's understanding, which is already good. What's even more frustrating is that some parents take it for granted that sensible students are "more sensible".
For example, some parents with financial difficulties adhere to the concept of "I am poor and I am justified", believing that creating life for their children is already a great contribution. Even if they only have a junior Chinese certificate, they also require their children to become top students and enter 985 schools, which can be regarded as a reward for them.
In addition to academics, parents who like to demand sensibility from their students often strive to cultivate a "pleasing personality" in their offspring in all aspects of life. For example, when relatives look at their children's precious belongings, these parents may ignore their children's pain and choose to give them generously.
When looking back, some people wonder if they would still want to be that sensible student if they could choose again. More and more adults are finding that the "guidelines" that were once instilled by their parents have become a shackle to their own suffering. The frustrating rule is that many parents and elders only make harsh demands on their sensible offspring.
There is a common phenomenon that "when a good person makes a mistake once, he is infinitely magnified; When a bad man does a good deed, he turns the prodigal son back." This also seems to be the case in the case of family education.
Students who are headstrong, late maturing, and inconsiderate of their parents' feelings, are given special treatment. Even if a mistake is made, parents and relatives will tolerate the idea that "he is like that, don't be like him."
Conversely, students who are sensible, precocious, and considerate of their parents may be criticized even if they occasionally make very basic and normal needs. "How can a good boy be like this". This approach often leads to a lack of intimacy with their parents as adults.
There is a topic on the Internet that has caused heated discussions: "If you can choose again, do you still want to be a sensible person?" "Many people have shared all sorts of unfair experiences, which is heartbreaking.
Summary] No family wants to cultivate a rebel child and educate the offspring to be sensible, which is understandable in itself. The key is how to define "sensible" so that students not only have enough awareness of reality, but also do not blindly self-sacrifice.