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Liu Lianhai, 38 years old, started with 20,000 yuan at the age of 26, and after several years of development, the company's annual output value has exceeded one million. In a fourth-tier city, he lives very comfortably.
The originally peaceful and happy life was stirred up into a muddy water by the sudden mask crisis. He said: "All of a sudden, it stopped, the employees asked for salaries, the houses asked for rent, the bank loans did not stop, and there were expenses everywhere. ”
Half a year later, he couldn't stand it anymore, dismissed his employees, and announced that the company was closed.
For 10 years, I did it in vain, and I still owed a lot of debt to the bank. Ay! It's not as good as 10 years ago, I don't earn much, at least I don't have any debt. Liu Lianhai was a little depressed.
Last weekend, I led my wife and children to my parents' house for dinner, a harmonious and warm family dinner, and was broken by the old mother's words: "Your brother-in-law is now in Gansu, but he earns a lot, I think there must be hundreds of thousands of dollars a year." This is not to buy a new house, or pay in full. ”
My brother-in-law's line has not been open for several years, and it has been opened for a few years. Liu Lianhai was a little sour.
Liu's mother's next sentence is for Liu LianhaiPrecision Strike:"You don't care what other people do, do you earn more than you now? Now let you buy a house, can you come up with the money? ”
Now Liu Lianhai really couldn't hold back: "Mom, do you just admit the money?" Then when my previous company was still there, I earned a lot of money every year, right? At that time, my brother-in-law was like a grandson, and he was giving gifts everywhere every day! ”
Don't worry about it, other people's companies are still open, why are yours gone? "Mother Liu's blow is getting harder and harder every time.
Other people's families are good children, but your son is a waste! Liu Lianhai stood up and yelled at his mother, and Liu's mother was also angry with high blood pressure.
Afterwards, Liu Lianhai said: "I regret it, and I don't regret it!" regret is worried about her body, after all, it's my mother, I shouldn't have yelled like that; I don't regret it, because she talks about me like that, always compares me with others, always compares my shortcomings with others' strengths, and I'm so unsightly? ”
A good family gathering, which should have been a happy family gathering for three generations of grandparents, eventually became a "mother-son battlefield". Why did the child become enemies with his parents? We jump out of the binary world of right and wrong, and analyze the psychological state of children and parents from the perspective of parenting alone.
Other people's children are like a flawless shadow, so good that they are frightening, and no matter where you go, you will meet him. However, "someone else's child" is also a orderThe most hated and disgusted of all children.
The Institute of Journalism and Communication of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences and other institutions have released the "Youth Blue Book", based on the survey of students in various cities, sorted out the five sentences that children dislike most from their parents, including:"You look at other people's children, you look at other people.
When parents compare "other people's children" with their own childrenThe child's inner drama is:I'm not as good as others, and my mom probably doesn't like me. Especially when it's a kidBeing in a negative moodAmong them, parents also use other people's children as childrenContrast, ridicule,It hurts the child the most and can be a direct triggerLow self-esteem, humiliation, guilt, guiltand other negative emotions, which increase the consumption of children's psychological resources.
Feelings of guilt and guilt are second only to the emotional experience of death, and no one likes this unpleasant feeling. When a person feelsSelf-esteem is under attackand suppression, then he will definitely fight back. Isn't Liu Lianhai the best case? was at the bottom, not only was he not comforted, but he was robbed by his mother. I don't think anyone will be happy about this, right?
Liu Lianhai, who is the first, is still like this, let alone an immature child?
If comparing other people's children with their own children is the basic version, thenThe double-standard comparison is an upgraded version.
Liu Lianhai said: "When I was a child, I remember my mother coming back to tell me that Aunt Zhang's children write very neatly, and they are all small characters that are no more than half a line. Then, I thought that would be good, and I started writing small print as well. Later, my mother saw it and gave me a lecture directly. ”
She said, "You're a boy, why do you write such small words?" Don't we have a book for you? ”
My mother also told me that Aunt Zhang's children also read books when they go to the toilet, and they are especially good at using their time and love to study. Then, when I went to the bathroom, I also picked up a book, and my mother actually said that I was grinding and wasting time. I'll go! I was confused, you know? ”
I saw the loneliness and disappointment in his eyes! Under the double standard, in addition to feeling unfair treatment, children will inevitably have disappointment in their parents, as well as doubts about their parents' authority, and even hate and dislike their parents.
On the face of it:Parents hope to arouse their children's motivation and desire to fight through comparison, but the wrong way of expression makes children feel derogatory and blamed. Namely: "I'm not good enough, I'm not as good." That's why my parents say that my parents don't love me because I'm not good enough."
Essentially, it's a projection of a parent's dissatisfaction with themselves in some way. For example, if parents don't look good at handwriting, they will pay special attention to their children's handwriting; Parents did not have the opportunity to learn the piano when they were children, so they would let their children learn the piano.
Under the projection of parents' inner standards, "other people's children" are often not a specific person, but many childrenA collection of excellent quality. Such an excellent collection is impossible to beat! When a child is compared to a "collection of excellent qualities composed of multiple people", a sense of frustration inevitably rises in his heart.
Comparing other people's children with their own children is, in essencePerspective selectionproblems. Don't you have any good in your child? The answer is no!
Appreciating a child is not only about seeing his strengths, but also about accepting his shortcomings and shortcomings. When you choosePositive, developmentalperspective to look at the problems in the child's growth, you will see the childprogress and merit; When you chooseNegative, stagnantLooking at the problems in the child's growth, you will see a lot of children's shortcomings and fear and anxiety about the future that will be difficult to change.
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