A master wanted to choose one of the two apprentices to inherit his mantle, so he came up with a question:
Go to the forest and find the perfect leaf.
After sunset, the two returned.
One of the apprentices handed the leaf and said, "It's not perfect, but I think it's good." ”
Another apprentice was dejected: "I walked through the forest and didn't find the perfect leaves. ”
Finally, the master passed the mantle to the former and said to the latter:
"People are not valued in perfection, but in self-consistency. ”
That's true. The so-called self-consistency is to know how to let go of yourself and don't get along with yourself.
This is a person's highest cultivation.
And if a person always can't get along with himself, then the only thing that awaits him is an endless sea of suffering.
The college class president Xiao Q is among the best in his grades, and he is the president of the student union, which is very good.
But she has a trait: she always loves to get along with herself.
Every time she didn't complete the plan, she punished herself for skipping dinner;
When she didn't meet her expectations, she went to the playground until she was tired.
Her most common words are: I'm not as good as people, I could have done better, I'm a failure, ......
Such thoughts were like heavy chains, pulling her into the mire and abyss.
On the eve of graduating from college, she was diagnosed with depression, and she couldn't even defend her ** normally, and finally ended up suspending her studies.
Although it is regrettable, all tragedies are foreshadowed.
If you don't take everything too seriously with yourself, you won't be reduced to dust;
If you know how to let yourself go, you won't arbitrarily give yourself the title of failure.
I think of a sentence: There are not so many failures in life, but once people can't get along with themselves, everything can become failures.
Therefore, people have to give themselves a step down.
Wu Xin once shared a knot.
For a New Year's Eve party, the director asked each host to prepare a program.
For this reason, Wu Xin practiced especially hard.
But on the day of the party, due to time reasons, the director randomly pinched out several programs, including Wu Xin.
But she stubbornly thought: It's because I'm not good enough.
In the following years, she has always had low self-esteem: she didn't dare to speak casually when she was a host, and she always stood in the corner when she was on the show, so she missed a lot of good opportunities.
Dr. Jimmo, a master of psychology at Harvard Medical School, once said:"Being unable to get along with yourself is the source of many people's suffering. ”
Because when a person can't get along with himself, he will unconsciously magnify his own shortcomings, thus shielding the beauty of the world.
When self-questioning and debasement reach a critical point, life will turn into a disaster.
And the root cause of this disaster is that you can't get along with yourself.
A counselor once hosted a stay-at-home mother.
This mother's face was like a vegetable, and her eyes were full of exhaustion.
One of the things she mentioned the most during the consultation was: I feel like I'm too bad.
It turns out that as a stay-at-home mother, she is quite demanding of herself:
You have to clean it in the morning and evening;
The garden is weeded and watered every day......
She couldn't help but sigh as soon as she saw a hair on the ground, or a few weeds in a flower pot.
When the counselor advised her to let herself go appropriately, she immediately retorted:
It's my job! I have to do my best! ”
That's what most of the people who can't get along with themselves think.
Behind every competition with yourself, there is a pursuit of perfection.
But they don't understand that perfection doesn't exist.
Ji Xianlin, a master of Chinese culture, once said: "There is no 100% perfect life, imperfect is life." ”
Many times, allowing yourself to be imperfect will make life brighter.
Kim Wei-chun, the founder of Taiwan Business Weekly, is one such example.
Business Week was in the red for the first six years of its existence because he was "too serious about himself."
At that time, Jin Weichun had high standards for himself, he didn't allow himself to make mistakes, and he didn't allow himself to understand it.
When something goes wrong, he never consults an expert, but thinks about it alone.
One day, a friend joked to him: admit that you can't do it and don't be ashamed.
This sentence made him feel empowered.
From that day on, Kim began to humbly ask for advice, and Business Week finally turned a profit and achieved a miracle of outselling entertainment magazines.
If you ask what is the secret of success, I think it is not necessary to strive for perfection, but to allow yourself to fail.
Because those who are too perfectionist will always feel that they are not satisfactory in every way.
The demands on oneself again and again will eventually become a knot that cannot be passedAnd these knots are often the biggest stumbling block on the road to success.
Therefore, we must let everything that can be passed pass, which is the real self-crossing.
There is a saying in traditional Chinese medicine: depression in the heart is the source of all diseases.
Especially in this era of involution, people are becoming more and more accustomed to getting along with themselves, so they feel depressed.
If we want to be well-being, we have to learn to reconcile with ourselves.
Lower the requirement to the passing mark
It is not easy to know a single mother who works during the day and takes care of the baby in the morning and evening.
But she is always full of energy and radiant.
It was only after a small talk with her that I learned the secret:
"Just do the same. ”
Then, she shared her daily routine:
Cleaning can be done twice a week, and it will not be dirty**;
Occasionally let a friend take care of the children, and you can go shopping and ...... by yourself
After listening to it, I sighed again and again.
In daily life, we always ask ourselves to go from 60 to 80 and then from 80 to 100.
But people always have a limit, once they can't exceed the limit, it's easy to get angry with themselves and annoy themselves.
As everyone knows, lowering the requirements for oneself to the passing line is the most comfortable state for a person.
After all, life is not an exam, and you don't have to score high to win.
Give yourself permission to be clumsy
Amanda Gorman is the youngest inauguration poet in American history.
But she has suffered from speech disorder since she was a child, and her words are slurred, especially difficult to pronounce the r sound.
So she deliberately chose a song that was almost entirely R to practice pronunciation.
At first she stammered, unable to read a sentence in its entirety.
But instead of dothering on this, she continued to practice and eventually overcame the language barrier.
Time as a Friend" mentions that we have to allow ourselves to be clumsy.
Clumsy, not to be laughed at, because this is the original gesture of the matter;
But the funny thing is to see clumsiness as a roadblock, blocking your way.
No one is perfect, only by accepting one's own clumsiness and accepting one's imperfection can one live more and more freely.
Put your feelings first
In a podcast, he shared the secret of his breast nodule healing: learn to let go of himself.
Before that, she had always been a person who was critical of herself, and if she didn't do something well, she would always be unable to get along with herself.
Once a friend asked her to talk about something, she had a headache, but she felt that it was not good not to go.
When I arrived at the café, she was really uncomfortable and asked: My head hurts, can I talk another day?
After saying this, she suddenly felt refreshed.
In fact, there really aren't so many musts and can'ts in life.
Learn to put your feelings first, so that you can no longer worry about everything with yourself.
Remember, you are the one who should be most tolerant of yourself.
Life is precious, and you are always the most important thing.
I like a saying: "When your heart is smooth, the world is smooth." ”
And inner obedience is actually to learn to let go of oneself and let everything that should be past pass.
You know, imperfection is the norm.
Therefore, there is really no need to carve the things that you have not done well into a monument, and you should be vigilant every day; There is no need to make a card for the mistakes you have made and punish yourself often.
Life in the world is not easy, why bother yourself in everything and everything.
Every effort should be recognized, and every effort should be praised.
Try to look at yourself with a tolerant eye, and you will definitely find that you are not bad.