I hate to use the general term "Chinese", after all, China is so big, there are both excellent parents and unsatisfactory families. Such statements may seem extreme, but in many cases, the writer is also puzzled as to why many parents pursue a similar approach to education.
In family education, there is a habit widely adopted by some parents to treat their children as poor. Even those parents who are not difficult in the first place keep emphasizing their hardships when they see their children.
Many people may have experienced this kind of scene, as if the whole world blamed you for feeling guilty in that moment; Could it be that in the eyes of these parents, the next generation is only sensible if they bow three times and bow nine times? Unfortunately, this type of education rarely produces sound individuals.
It is difficult to cultivate a real "filial son" in a poor home. A teenager suffered from depression and was unable to attend school because he was often instilled by his parents with "how difficult it is for us". Lying on the hospital bed, he turned his back to his parents, and although his mother kept talking, he never responded, or even did not move.
The parents had to turn to the doctor and complain: I really don't understand, how hard it is for the two of us, the family is also in difficulty, and the money we earn is spent on him; He doesn't need to go to work, how can he be depressed?
Hearing such complaints, I believe that many empathetic netizens have already understood why this student would fall into such a situation. In front of the doctor, he would repeatedly emphasize that "all the money is spent on his son"; It's no wonder that this boy grew up in such a depressing environment.
Nowadays, everyone is going through hardships, and who isn't? It makes sense to occasionally let students realize that it is not easy to make money and know how to cherish tuition fees and pocket money. However, is it really love to talk about your hard work frequently? Obviously, this is not true love, nor is it "education".
The truth is simple, parents usually want to urge their offspring to be grateful by showing their "hard work"; Through this layer of guilt, they are shaped to become filial and sensible people who know how to repay their parents.
Unfortunately, countless cases have proved that it is difficult to cultivate a true "filial son" by relying too much on a family that cries poverty. Perhaps in the early days, such a controlling mindset could be short-lived. This is because students have a narrow field of vision and limited judgment.
The students themselves may be unhappy, but they are taught so that they can only suppress themselves from obeying their parents. However, there will always be times when depression flares up, either leading to physical problems or psychological difficulties. People who can learn to resist are a manifestation of self-help.
Frequent complaints about financial constraints tend to make the next generation less independent. Narrow-minded independence means never sharing with parents when you're feeling down and never thinking about seeking help from your family when you're in trouble. Perhaps this is the "little abacus" of some parents.
This may save a lot of energy, but if the offspring are not living well and evading responsibility, is the sentence "people didn't tell me" really beneficial to the parents?
Looking to the future, this kind of nurturing is actually the opposite of what such parents want. Although students are afraid to disturb their parents or ask for help in this environment, it is difficult for them to succeed when they enter the workplace.
As a result of growing up listening to "crying poor", you either become stingy and lack social and friends; Or fall into "revenge spending", earn a sum of money and spend two, develop the habit of using credit cards, and lack basic planning.
More importantly, there will be an inferiority complex in the personality. Because they feel that even parents are careful about themselves, so they dare not easily ask for help from the outside world. Therefore, even in the face of great difficulties, they are reluctant to ask for help from the outside world.
This habit of thinking is very difficult to change in adulthood. Whether it is employment or entrepreneurship, it is necessary to have basic self-confidence, as well as the character to dare and be good at cooperating with others. People who grow up in an environment of "crying poor" have these qualities that are difficult to cultivate.
Therefore, from this point of view, parents originally expected students to "fend for themselves" in the face of adversity. However, the result is the opposite, and they are raised to be fragile individuals with low self-esteem and difficulty in establishing themselves in society. Children don't mix well, and it may end up dragging down their parents' old age.
Guiding students to cherish their parents' efforts does not depend solely on whether they express themselves by crying poor. For children from ordinary families, the biggest challenge is usually not poverty per se, but parents who often cause trouble and internal friction. This is a kind of mental collapse for those students who have not enjoyed material conditions.
There is a strange phenomenon that many classmates from ordinary families have clearly behaved sensible and filial enough. However, teachers may feel distressed, strangers may feel pity, and it seems that only the biological parents cannot see the suffering experienced by these "good children" and show tolerance to their parents.
Some parents seem to be able to feel at ease only by repeatedly emphasizing their financial difficulties in front of their students, for fear that their children will not be able to understand them. From the perspective of these students: why can't parents feel satisfied even though they have been obedient and suppressed their needs?
To let future generations cherish their contributions, it is not only whether they are poor by crying, and how many times they cry poor. Getting along with each other, companionship, understanding and cooperation are the environment that a normal family should have.
【Topic】Do you have this kind of crying poor parents around you? How do you feel?