There is a low emotional intelligence called suicidal socialization .

Mondo Psychological Updated on 2024-02-12

We all know that people must have some shortcomings or shortcomings, and you must not expose them to others easily. In the same way, people have their own privacy or little secrets and stuff like that, so don't just spread it out to others.

I believe that friends who have watched the show "Wonderful Story" remember that there is a guest named Huang Zhizhong, who once said: "About 8% of the troubles we encounter in life are related to our interpersonal relationships; To be more specific, most of the conflicts in interpersonal relationships are caused by poor communication. Those friends with high emotional intelligence, no matter where they go to a crowded occasion, they can always make people feel as close as bathing in the spring breeze. On the contrary, those friends with low emotional intelligence, as long as they open their mouths casually, can make people feel annoying, and even retreat. The four "suicidal socializations" I'm going to talk about below, no matter what kind of behavior, can make your relationships extremely strained.

Point 1: Show vitriol as humor. Friends who are familiar with the TV host contest may remember that the very famous host Mr. Meng Fei said: "If you have anything to say, just tell the other party directly, but you have to pay attention to proportion." You might think that what you say won't get out anyway, so it doesn't matter what you say. But what you don't know is that sometimes your seemingly casual words can actually cause an uproar in others. You may be joking unintentionally, but in the hearts of others, you may become a thorn in the heart. And yes, the kind of humor you think you think about is likely to easily destroy the other person's newly built self-confidence and self-esteem without even noticing.

For example, the actor named Xu Zheng joked to himself in a speech: "If you don't start balding until you are 45 years old, then you are still an elegant uncle, and you have the qualifications and reasons to be bald." But if you're like me, and you start to lose your top at the age of 20, then you're like a guy who can't see the light, and you're a laughing stock for whatever you do. At that time, he was in his second year of college and looked handsome, but suddenly found that he was starting to lose a lot of hair, so he had to smear his scalp with ginger every day, and then carefully apply it with a brush dipped in hair growth water. Whenever he recalls that experience, he says, "What really hurts me is not the uneasiness and embarrassment that my hair loss brings, but the cynicism from others." "Every time he accepts **, he will be surrounded by a crowd, and everyone will laugh at him every word.

Xu Zheng knocked over the hair growth lotion, and then someone joked: "Look! Will there be hair on the table? The others also chimed in and said: "Haha, look at his head shape at that time, and you can understand that the effect of this ** is not ideal!" These seemingly funny jokes are actually mockery in disguise, which made Xu Zheng immersed in the shadow of hair loss for a long time and couldn't extricate himself. The writer Yishu once said: "Being polite and tolerant of others is not a false performance, deliberately embarrassing others or being too blunt is not a true temperament, and there are many differences."

A true sense of humor must be based on respect for others, which makes everyone feel relaxed and enjoyable, and at the same time makes everyone feel natural and comfortable. "Remember, don't use humor as an excuse to make fun of someone or to grab someone's sore spot for sarcasm. This can be disappointing at least or even hurt someone's heart, eventually leading to the end of the friendship between two people. So, if you have your own ideas, it's best to be a little tactful and think about things from the other person's point of view. Only by doing this can we avoid putting both parties in an awkward position, and at the same time, we can achieve better results in interpersonal communication.

Second, see intervening in other people's lives as a well-intentioned contribution. On Douban, there is often a topic that is discussed: what kind of behavior in your opinion is a manifestation of particularly low emotional intelligence. Among the many options, the highest ranking is actually the act of "pointing fingers". There are often some people in life who always like to put on a "I know better than you" appearance and judge other people's lives. They have to say the same thing: "Listen to me", "You should" or "This is not right". Even if the others are disgusted, they themselves are full of confidence and triumphant. Those elders who urge others to get married and have babies as soon as they meet, have they been silently blacklisted by their own children? In addition, those who always like to interfere in the lives of their friends and point fingers at others like teachers end up alone. The most important thing to avoid in communication between adults is to forcibly intervene in other people's lives.

Third, your experience does not necessarily apply to everyone. If you're not doing well, those tirades may just make you seem more braggartic.

Some people are just too anxious to educate others, but in fact they just want to show off, and in the end they can only be bored with themselves.

Teacher Jin Weichun once said: "I am just an ordinary person, how dare I claim that I can be a mentor for others, as long as I no longer like to teach others so much, then I have really done a great good deed." ”

Similarly, Mr. Qi Baishi, a master of Chinese culture that we are familiar with, never advertises himself as an authority in the industry, and even says to his students: "You can improve yourself by learning my methods, but if you imitate me, you may fail." ”

So, please don't point fingers in other people's lives, and don't put on a look like you like to educate others, otherwise it is likely to ruin the harmony of the original friendship.

Fourth: Treating showing off as sharing is actually going astray.

I heard a particularly interesting story.

A boss has a company that goes bankrupt because of business problems, and his wife is going to divorce. When his friends learned of the news, they invited him and several other old friends to the house for a party, hoping to bring him some joy.

These friends at the dinner party all learned that the boss's family was in a bad situation, so they were very careful to avoid topics related to their careers. However, one of the friends surnamed Wu has been doing very well in business recently and has made a lot of money, but after a few glasses of wine, he actually began to laugh triumphantly about how rich his own income was, and the arrogant expression on his face was really chilling.

After hearing this, the frustrated boss's face was gloomy and terrible, and he kept making excuses to go to the bathroom or wash his face, and finally he couldn't stand the arrogance of that friend Wu, so he poured a glass of wine and rushed out of the door.

Feng Jicai's book once expressed a point of view: "Living quietly is to better enjoy one's life; To show off oneself is to fight for a life with others. ”

In our daily lives, we often encounter similar situations: some people like to show off their happiness, money, knowledge, etc. However, this ostentation often makes others uncomfortable.

The famous success scientist Dale Carnegie once said: "Understand that when you take back the light from yourself, you should avoid hurting others." ”

As the saying goes, "The rafters that come out rot first." "We should keep a low profile and be kind to others, so that our relationships can be stable for a long time.

Fifth, it is a misconception to insist on arguing with others as awe-inspiring.

Sometimes, we meet people who, as soon as they open their mouths, can use a few words to make the other person speechless.

For example, when you tell someone that smoking is bad for your health, they immediately retort: many people smoke all their lives, are still in good health, and live to be 80 or 90 years old.

In the same way, when you exhort young people to work hard as soon as possible, they will question: Oh, even if you work hard, you can't succeed without the protection of the powerful.

Either way, they love to play against you. They seem to think that they are eloquent and have unique ideas, but in the eyes of others, they are just bitter and full of negative emotions.

Comedian Li Xueqin once said on a TV show: "When choosing a school, if you don't have the major you yearn for, then choose what you love the most." As a result, at this time, the host Xu Tianqi stood up and said as if pouring cold water on it, of course, you should still choose a popular major. Li Xueqin had to explain again: I mean that in those situations where there are no popular majors to choose from, it is best to choose your favorite career. As a result, Xu Tianqi was still iron-clad and resolutely said: "But that's not to choose what you like, but to choose what you love!" The atmosphere at that time was extremely embarrassing, and everyone knew in their hearts that the "love" mentioned by Li Xueqin was actually equivalent to Xu Tianqi's so-called "like". Someone in the barrage said with emotion: "I used to have a friend who was like this, but then we were no longer friends." ”

Always insisting on arguing with others, this behavior is not only easy to lose long-term friendships, but also affects itself. Everyone has their own position and thoughts, and excessive arguments will only make each other unhappy and wear themselves out.

Entrepreneur Yin Mingshan also summed up this: no matter what happens, you often have to argue to the death, you don't have to suffer, then who suffers? We have to argue about everything, we have to fight everywhere, and thinking about the long term in this way is actually tantamount to ruining our future.

We Chinese often say: the mouth must speak in proportion, and the feet on the earth can walk steadily.

The so-called high emotional intelligence is not only the kind of eloquent people we usually see, but also knows how to grasp the balance and boundaries when speaking.

Don't talk about those innocuous jokes to block your friends, and don't deliberately interfere with their private affairs, always pay attention to the distance between friendships, this can make friendships last a long time.

Please like and support me as much as possible Try to avoid hurtful social methods, and strive to be a gentle, polite, generous and humble person!

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