When I got my son's final grades, I almost didn't mention them in one breath.
First to last in the class!
Looking at the dense red cross on the test paper, I felt like my lungs were going to explode!
When I got home, my son was lying on his back on the bed playing games, which rekindled my anger that I had finally calmed down.
You're still in the mood to play with your mobile phone and take the penultimate test!
You've lost all my face, and that's how you've reciprocated me? ”
In the face of my questioning, my son was calm:
"Don't you always say I can't do this and that? Know I can't do it, so don't expect too much. ”
My son's indifferent attitude made my resentment blocked in my chest and couldn't vent it.
Before, the son was not like this.
In the fourth grade, in order to win the first prize in long-distance running, he had to exercise every night to complete his homework.But I don't support these hobbies of his:In the fifth grade, he spent all his free time in order to participate in a machine model competition.
"In the future, you won't be a sports student, what's the use of being good at long-distance running? ”My son also fought with meWho said that you must have good grades to be successful, so many people who graduated from elementary school have become bosses. ”You're going to go on to higher education, and if you put these thoughts into studying, you will definitely be able to get into a better school. ”
I mocked him for not knowing the height of the sky:
Anyway, you don't have that life, you don't have a diploma, and no one will want to sweep the streets in the future. ”
I just look at learning.
In addition to the grades, everything else is "showy", after all, I don't look at these for further education.
But I tried my best, but my son always dissatisfied.
For example, you can write very well, but for the sake of speed, you can't write perfectly.I was anxious all day long, but my son became more and more Buddhist. For studying, he is like water, he is not happy when he is good at the exam, and he will not be sad if he is bad.I am always careless in my homework, and I have to make mistakes in even simple questions.
When you encounter a problem, you say no, and you don't like to use ......your brain at all
The same problem is said every day, and he goes in and out of the left ear.
After entering junior high school, my son gradually became addicted to games.
A few times, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and found him playing games.
It's useless to criticize and scold.
I confiscated my phone, so he borrowed my classmate's phone.
Later, he stole money directly to play games.
Seeing that the situation is getting worse and worse, I don't dare to care anymore.
Watching his results continue to refresh the bottom line, I really despair,Is this kid useless?
This is a message from a mother to [Thousand Words].Letters for help
It can be seen that she loves children.
Even though she was disappointed by the child's behavior, she was still trying to find a way to save the child.
But I still have to point out that my mother's education method is very problematic.
"It is better to let the body be poor than the heart to be poor".
According to Maslow's theory of needs:
Human needs are composed of five aspects: physiological needs, safety needs, belonging and love needs, respect needs, and self-realization.
But this mother, in addition to meeting the child's physiological needs and safety needs.
Arrange everything domineeringly.
Do not support children's hobbies and do not respect children's contributions.
The child can only do what she thinks is right, and she must do it to her satisfaction.
Otherwise, she will tell the child that you are wrong.She constantly feeds her child with negative energy.
Prove to the child again and again that "you are not right", and the child believes and surrenders.
The child's mind is kidnapped.
The sense of value is lost, the sense of accomplishment is difficult to maintain, and he becomes a "spiritual poor".
The whole body exudes a decadent and lying flat "poor atmosphere", and can only get short-term pleasure through games.
And smart parents know how to "educate on demand":
Let children feel loved, respected, and recognized.
With the help of their parents, they continue to achieve success.
When they have a sense of control over their lives, it's like being fully charged.
Energetic, energetic and energetic.
Not afraid of difficulties and challenges, dare to make breakthroughs, and show strong kinetic energy in "self-realization".
So, how exactly can we help them?
I have 3 pieces of advice for this mother.
Improve the way you get along
Qianyu often advises parents:
Before puberty, be sure to revise your relationship with your child.
Communication must be based on a harmonious relationship.
If parents are prone to beating, scolding, and criticizing, there are many conflicts with their children.
The child will treat his parents as "enemies", you let him go east, he will go west.
When you are angry, they feel victorious.
So, reduce conflicts with your child and get along with them in a way they like. Make them feel that they are easy and enjoyable to get along with you, and that you can be trusted.That way they'll be more receptive to your suggestions.
Following my method, this mom began to change herself.
She no longer blames her son for learning and ignores the fact that he plays games.
When she goes out for dinner, she lets her son decide what to eat;
When she travels, she hands over all the accounts and itinerary to her son and trusts him in all arrangements;
When work is not going well, she will also share it with her son and seek his help ......
Not only that, but she accepts the child's swagger.
In the past, my mother attached too much importance to the importance of schooling.
Now I understand that a healthy mindset is more important than studying.
Go the way you want to go, and your mother will support you. ”
After getting along for a while, the mother and son were finally able to communicate calmly.
Her open-mindedness and tolerance made her son let down his guard.
The son can boldly share his ups and downs with his mother:
Crush on a cute girl;She no longer pointed fingers at her son, and used the identity of a person who came before to guide him. Instead, listen intently, share his joys, and share his anxieties.being ridiculed by classmates because of poor grades;
I feel lost in my life......
If her son needs advice, she offers some ideas, but never forces him to do so.
When the parent-child relationship becomes harmonious,Children no longer use their studies as a bargaining chip to fight against their mothers.
He gradually became willing to put some effort into his studies, and his learning attitude has improved greatly.
See your child's subtle progress and help him build control
When it comes to learning, what children need is not criticism, butBuild a sense of control over your learning.
When children feel that "learning is nothing more than that", "learning is also fun".
He will gain confidence and thus stimulate his inner drive.
So,
See your child's strengths and make it easier to learn. Let your child gain a sense of value, a sense of accomplishment, and prove to him that "you can do it"!The mom quickly mastered this method.
She started with her son's relatively good at math as a breakthrough.
In order to reduce the child's fear of difficulties, she bought a math book with comics.
With her son's consent, she spends 2 hours a week studying with him.
Comic books are very interesting, plus she is very bad at math and often breaks down.
With her foil, his son is much more confident.
It's often the son who understands it and tells her again.
So,The more children learn, the more motivated they become.
She can always see the right time, and when she catches her son, she is a burst of praise.
Of course, children's senses are very sensitive. Especially for teenage children, don't be a.In the company of this mother, the child learns more and more.Sincere recognition is the eternal nirvana.
Even though the test results were still very poor, she did not rush to criticize the child, but focused on finding her son's progress.
"You're right this time! ”After a semester of hard work, the child's grades have made great progress.You were still asking your dad about this question for the first two days, but you got it right this time! ”
The progress in mathematics has given children a boost of confidence.
When he extended this state to other subjects, he also made great progress.
In a way of criticism
Excessive criticism and blame will encourage children to rebel.
But that doesn't mean you have to go along with your child.
If you go too far, you can show your authority appropriately and convince your child.
However, it is very important to master the correct way to criticize.
In general, there are 3 precautions for criticizing children.
Tell the facts, talk about the feelings, and don't label the choice
For example, the child has not done his homework after a day of playing.
Error Demo:You have no time to conceptualize, I didn't do a single question for the whole day. Next timeI don't believe you anymore!There are emotions that do not criticizeWhen we are already very angry, we want to scold the child and say something hurtful.Correct presentation: Today you have been playing all day, you have not done any homework, and your mother is very angry. Now you decide for yourself, do you want to make it up tonight or tomorrow morning?
It's best to wait until you're calm down before talking to your child.
Avoiding conflict is a fundamental principle of communication.
Because conflict can only make children defensive, and then confrontational, and has no value in solving the problem.
Longitudinal comparison
Parents often criticize their children for their behaviour that we are not happy with.
But these behaviors also need to be screened.
For example, the child did 10 calculation problems and got 6 wrong.
Parents are angry and want to criticize their children.
But then we should make a longitudinal comparison: Is there an improvement compared to the previous day?
Based on the child's current ability, what can be reached by a slight jump is the appropriate goal.
Let your child compare himself to himself, even if he advances 1 centimeter every day.
Over time, it's a big step.
Actually,Educating children is a complex psychological and cognitive contest.
Parents should not get caught up in old perceptions.
Learn more, practice more, find the best way for your child, and your education will be a success!
I wish us all the best and ...... in our future educational career
As an ordinary salaryman, my biggest wish is that my son can get into a good university, find a good job, and have an easy life in the future.
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