Most mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts start with the mother-in-law helping to take care of the children. Many old people have secretly made up their minds before becoming mothers-in-law that they must be good mothers-in-law in the future, and many daughters-in-law have also thought about being a good daughter-in-law, but when mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live under the same roof, they find that many things are involuntarily. A good mother-in-law can't meet a good daughter-in-law, or a good daughter-in-law can't meet a good mother-in-law, either the mother-in-law makes things difficult for the daughter-in-law, or the daughter-in-law makes things difficult for the mother-in-law, and the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law has become a problem for the ages.
In fact, the nature of most mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law is not bad, there is no love for no reason in this world, and there is no hate for no reason, whether it is a mother-in-law making things difficult for her daughter-in-law or a daughter-in-law making things difficult for her mother-in-law, there must be some unknown reasons for this.
Aunt Yu is 62 years old this year, and after going to her son's house to help take care of the baby, she was made difficult by her daughter-in-law in every way, and she was not allowed to eat dumplings and buns, stewed pork ribs, fish and shrimp, and only let her eat leftovers. Aunt Yu shed tears every day, and she couldn't bear it anymore and told her daughter-in-law about her daughter-in-law, who said that she was old and confused, and gave her four words.
Before my granddaughter was born, my relationship with my daughter-in-law was very harmonious. She and my son were college classmates, and the first time I met her, I thought that this child was very knowledgeable and had an indescribable liking for her. So later, whether it was a wedding bride price or a car or a house, my wife and I did our best to meet their various requirements.
After she and my son got married, whether it was the New Year or her birthday, I would give her red envelopes, and on Mother's Day, she would also send me flowers and blessings, and when we went out shopping together, she always held my arm and called my mother closer than her son. People who don't know still think that she is my own daughter. At that time, I thought to myself: sincerity for sincerity, as long as you are sincere and good to your daughter-in-law, it is not difficult for your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along at all.
Seeing that my daughter-in-law's belly was getting bigger and bigger, I began to buy some birth products for my child. I asked my daughter-in-law, "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl in your belly?" ”
The daughter-in-law smiled and said, "The doctor won't tell us, it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl, as long as the child is healthy." ”
Of course I understand this, but when it comes to buying clothes for my child, I am very confused, and I don't know whether to buy pink or blue. I asked my daughter-in-law again, "Do you like sour food or spicy food?" ”
The daughter-in-law thought for a while and said, "I just have a lot of nausea, and I don't like sour food very much, and I don't like spicy food very much." ”
I heard her say that she often had nausea, so I went to buy two sour pomegranates, but my daughter-in-law grinned and spit out after taking a bite, she frowned and said: "I told you that I don't like to eat sour, and you also bought me such sour pomegranates, you hope that the one in my stomach is a boy." ”
I feel a little aggrieved, I'm not patriarchal, but I can't help but be curious about the gender of the child.
When my daughter-in-law was a month away from her due date, I came from my hometown to help take care of her diet and daily life. After the birth of my granddaughter, I thought that I did my best to take care of my daughter-in-law's confinement care, cooking for her, wiping her face, wiping her feet, washing her hair, washing dirty **...But I don't know why, my daughter-in-law always doesn't give me a good face, and just after confinement, I let me go back to my hometown on the grounds that she was on maternity leave, didn't have to go to work temporarily, and could take care of the child by herself.
I vaguely felt that she was a little dissatisfied with me, but after recalling it carefully, I couldn't remember what I did that didn't suit her wishes, so I went back to my hometown with a stomach full of grievances.
It wasn't until my daughter-in-law's maternity leave was nearing the end that I was called back.
At this time, my son's job also changed, he was temporarily seconded to a branch in the field, because he was far away from home, he could only come back once a weekend, usually only me, my daughter-in-law and granddaughter were at home, and my daughter-in-law's attitude towards me changed dramatically.
She no longer spoke to me like a mother, but replaced me with "hey". "Hey, the child is crying, you go and coax", "Hey, the ground is dirty, you go and drag it", "Hey, I'm hungry, you hurry up and cook" ......I felt very uncomfortable when I heard it, and I wanted to ask me if I had offended her, but the words came to my lips several times and I was suffocated back.
And that's not even the most excessive.
One day, before she went to work, she said to me: "Hey, I want to eat dumplings with leek meat, you wrap a little at night, don't cook it first, it's not delicious when it's cold, and I'll cook it when I come back." ”
My granddaughter is still young and can't eat dumplings, just me and my daughter-in-law eat, I have a total of almost 40, twenty for one person is enough, if there is not enough to eat, it doesn't matter if I eat a few less.
But my daughter-in-law's actions made me cry.
When she came back from work, she first counted the number of dumplings, then only half of them were cooked, and the other half was frozen in the refrigerator. When the dumplings were cooked, there was just a full plate, and she put the plate in front of her and ate it to herself.
I whispered, "I haven't eaten yet." ”
She didn't raise her head and said, "I see that there are leftovers from yesterday in the refrigerator, you can eat the leftovers." ”
A sour feeling swelled up in my heart. But at that time, I didn't want to tear my face with her and swallow all the grievances into my stomach, but my forbearance not only did not awaken her conscience, but made her even more severe towards me.
A few days later, she told me that she wanted to eat celery and meat buns, and in the evening, I steamed two full of steamers, she took out two and ate them, and put the rest in the refrigerator to freeze, and then told me to eat the leftovers from the previous day like last time. Once again, I was so chilled that I hid in my room without eating anything for dinner.
Not only did I not eat the dumplings, but I also didn't let me eat the stewed pork ribs or fish and shrimp, and every time I ate, she put the meat and vegetables in front of her, and sometimes I was cheeky and clipped a piece, and she glared at me angrily and said, "Are you so greedy?" At such an age, you should eat less meat and more vegetables! ”
I was so aggrieved that I often hid in my room alone and wept. I wanted to leave many times, but when I think about my young granddaughter, I am a little reluctant. Once, when I couldn't bear it anymore, I said to my daughter-in-law, "If you treat me like this, aren't you afraid that my son will know?" ”
The daughter-in-law said nonchalantly: "If you tell him, I will say that you are stirring up trouble, and when the time comes, I will cry, make trouble, and hang myself, I see that he believes me or you." ”
Okay, then I'll go, I'm not going to be angry with you here! ”
If you want to leave, you can either give me 8,000 yuan a month to hire a nanny, or you will never want to see your granddaughter again after leaving! ”
Where did I go to get 8,000 yuan a month for her, but I felt distressed at the thought that I would never see my granddaughter again, and I could only stay aggrieved.
There are a few neighbors in the community who usually walk their children with me, all of whom say that the ugliness of the family should not be publicized, and I have never complained to them before, but one day I couldn't help it, and I said the grievances in my heart while crying.
They were all angry when they heard this, and one of the eldest sisters said hatefully, "You are so stupid! If she doesn't let you eat it, you won't eat it, and you just listen to her like that? Won't you eat it secretly? "Then a few of them came up with advice for me.
I thought about it carefully, what they said did make sense, my daughter-in-law treated me like this, why should I be stupid and listen to her?
So, after that, after the dumplings were wrapped, I no longer waited for my daughter-in-law to come back and start cooking, but first boiled a plate to eat by myself, and after eating, I brushed the plate and pot clean, so that my daughter-in-law couldn't see anything, and then cooked it for her when she came back from work. It's the same with stewed ribs, I'll eat a few pieces first after the stew, anyway, she doesn't know how many pieces there are, and when we eat together, I only eat greens.
But I still feel aggrieved in my heart, I don't dare to eat openly if I want to eat something good, I don't know how my life has become like this, the whole community can't find a more miserable person than me, my daughter-in-law was not like this before, what is the reason why she has become what she is now?
The father-in-law and mother-in-law came to see the granddaughter, and the daughter-in-law prepared a lot of dishes in advance, and set up a full table, including steamed pork ribs, braised beef, braised prawns, hairy crabs, etc., I sat there stiffly, looking at this dare not clip, look at that dare not clip. My mother asked me to eat vigorously, and I smiled bitterly and ate a few bites of shredded potatoes and cold bitter chrysanthemum, and then went back to my room with the excuse that I was full.
After returning to the room, the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I became, one was my mother-in-law, the other was my own mother, the difference in treatment was too great, and my tears fell down like beads with broken threads.
Just when I was crying sadly, my mother pushed the door and came in. She asked me what was wrong and why I was crying. Impulsively, I poured beans into a bamboo tube and told her everything about it. After hearing this, she was so angry that she trembled, held my hand and said: "Sister-in-law, you dissipate your anger, don't be like a child, blame me for this, blame me for not educating her well, I apologize to you on her behalf, I will talk about her well when I go back." But there are some things I have heard her mention some, and she does have some opinions about you, so you can let me tell you the reason first. ”
She continued: "When Jelly Bean (granddaughter's nickname) was born, ** came out to inform you that your child was born, and when I heard that a daughter was born, your son jumped up happily, but you kicked your son and called him stupid. ”
That's right, his daughter-in-law is suffering inside, and he's jumping happily outside, isn't he stupid? He didn't know that he was so distressed about his daughter-in-law, so he had to be kicked. ”
Didn't you give birth to a girl, not a boy, because you hated it? ”
Of course not, although I do want a grandson, but my granddaughter likes it and hurts it just as much. The reason why I'm still here now is because I can't bear my granddaughter, otherwise I wouldn't be here anymore. ”
My mother-in-law still doesn't seem to believe it. "When Jelly Beans got pneumonia, we were all so worried, why didn't you care about it? ”
I listened to my heart and sighed, my mother said that Jelly Bean got pneumonia soon after the full moon, and was hospitalized for ten days, and after being discharged from the hospital, she still coughed, and she coughed for more than a month, and her daughter-in-law took her to the hospital every day, and she often washed her face with tears, and people were almost depressed. But I was in my hometown at the time, and I didn't know any of this. I said that I didn't know my mother-in-law and didn't believe it, and she said, "How could you not know? Didn't your son tell you? ”
No, he called us ** to report good news and not bad news, never mentioned this to me, if I knew, I couldn't stay at home at all, and I would have come to take care of Jelly Beans a long time ago. ”
No wonder my daughter-in-law has such a big opinion of me, the child was sick and hospitalized at such a young age, and I, who was a grandmother, turned a blind eye to the child, and when she collapsed, she would inevitably resentfully me. But the conscience of heaven and earth, I really don't know!
My mother-in-law patted my hand and said, "It turns out that these are all misunderstandings, sister-in-law, I will send you 4 words, you have to know how to defend yourself and self-pity in the future, you can't help but explain, not justify, and don't pity yourself, just blindly bow your head and be angry." You know what my daughter used to do to you, she can't suddenly treat you so badly for no reason, there must be a reason for this, it doesn't matter if there is a misunderstanding, as long as the misunderstanding is solved, what I'm afraid of is that you all hold it in your hearts and don't say it. In the future, if you are wronged, you must speak out in time, you must defend yourself, and you must explain clearly what you should explain, so that it is good for both parties. ”
After speaking, my mother-in-law called my daughter-in-law in, and our mother-in-law and daughter-in-law talked openly and honestly for a long time, and finally my daughter-in-law said to me ashamedly: "Mom, I'm sorry, I misunderstood you, I held my breath in my heart, I wanted to throw it at you, and even wanted to take revenge on you, I have wronged you during this time, I'm sorry ......."”
The depression in my heart was swept away, my mother-in-law was right, we as mothers-in-law must know how to defend ourselves and self-pity, we must pity ourselves when we should pity ourselves, don't just know how to blindly avoid, we must explain when we should explain for ourselves, and don't let the misunderstanding get bigger and bigger. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along, focusing on communication, understanding and tolerance, all three of which are indispensable.