According to the "Civil Affairs Statistics for the Third Quarter of 2023", in the past three quarters of 2023, the number of marriage registrations completed nationwide reached 5.69 million, while the number of divorce registrations was 19730,000 pairs;
Compared with the same period last year, the number of marriage registrations showed a significant growth trend, an increase of about 2450,000 couples, and at the same time, the number of divorce registrations also climbed by 330,000 couples year-on-year, which undoubtedly shows that the number of marriages and divorces in China is on the rise.
This phenomenon just confirms my point in the previous article: "Entering into marriage is to pursue happiness, and choosing divorce is also to pursue the readjustment and self-realization of individual life." ”
In addition, I noticed a thought-provoking set of data:
Nearly half of impulsive divorcers regret it afterwards, and in real-life scenarios, the proportion of divorces chosen to divorce on the spur of the moment is increasing. ”
We all understand that at the moment of deciding to divorce, inner determination and certainty are often at their peak.
However, when the dust settles on the divorce process, many people find that the old problems are not solved, but are accompanied by new problems.
Just as an arrow cannot be undone, the breakdown of a marriage is easy to instantaneous, but repairing and rebuilding is extremely difficult.
Therefore, before we resolutely move towards the decision of "divorce", it is important to ask ourselves repeatedly:
Has this marriage really reached the point of no return? ”
Am I fully prepared to face the challenges of divorce and its subsequent life? ”
Only if you can firmly answer in the affirmative can you make up your mind to take this step.
If there is still a hint of hesitation in your mind, then don't rush and leave yourself a buffer period or pause button.
After all, it is necessary to be cautious when it comes to the conclusion of marriage, and it is even more important to remain rational and sober when it comes to the choice of divorce.
Don't throw out the word "divorce" easily because of impulse.
Because the most distressing thing is the late regret, but there is no power to return to heaven.
Marriage is living with one's shortcomings
Jimmy 29 years old radio host.
For a long time after my divorce, I was deeply convinced that the decisive parting was undoubtedly a wise move.
Because I couldn't bear my ex-husband's unacceptable habits, I resolutely filed for divorce in the first year of marriage. This move came as a surprise to friends and relatives around him, but they did not dispute it.
The problems with my ex-husband are endless, and they can be seen in the small things of everyday life: discarded socks, clothes scattered everywhere, and even forgetting to lift the toilet lid ...... using the bathroomThese seemingly insignificant details have left a deep mark on my life. Despite my many bitter admonitions, he never took them to heart.
Faced with this capricious situation, I felt powerless to change it, and finally chose to end this painful cycle by divorce. When he filed for divorce, he was extremely confused and puzzled: "Do you have to come this way for this little thing?" ”
In his opinion, he can be called a qualified husband: abide by his duties, commute to and from work on time, and work hard to support the family finance; treats his wife with thoughtfulness and care. He believes that some small flaws in personal habits should be understood and tolerated.
However, in my mind at that time, I was no longer willing to continue to accommodate and condone his behavior. Every compromise and patience is like a repetitive labor, and what I yearn for is a harmonious coexistence that respects each other's ways of life more respectfully.
However, it was only after entering my second marriage that I gradually realized that the problems of my current husband were more prominent, such as:
He was a heavy drinker, and once he was drunk, he had no room for it, and even covered the ground with a mess;
He broke his promise, and I repeatedly looked forward to it, but I finally fell into the air again and again;
His emotional intelligence is slightly lacking, his words are not tactful, and he is often outspoken, which makes people embarrassed and dissatisfied.
What is even more worrying is that his income is not only not high, but also extremely precarious, and he depends on my salary to cover his monthly household expenses.
Just as I was thinking about ending this marriage again, I felt a subtle sense of remorse for my last divorce decision. Because after the experience, people will gain a deeper understanding in contrast.
Looking back on the past, although the ex-husband also had many shortcomings, but in the current context, it seems that those flaws are not so unbearable.
This experience made me deeply realize:
In the love stage, we dance with each other's strengths; Entering into marriage, on the other hand, means accepting and facing each other's shortcomings together.
Those marriages that are regarded as "happy models" by the world are not really free of contradictions and troubles, but have a partner who knows how to look at each other's shortcomings without a magnifying glass.
In this world, there is no such thing as a perfect lover. Only by being more tolerant and confused in marriage can life be more smooth and harmonious; If both sides can tolerate and understand each other, then the road of life will no longer be full of stumbles.
After the divorce, life is even more tiring
Li Tutu, 32 years old, Internet operation.
In today's social atmosphere, divorce seems to be romanticized as a prologue to women's counterattack on the script of life. However, when they really entered the real life after the divorce, people realized that this was not as easy as portrayed in the online cool article. Every ordinary individual has their own unspeakable difficulties, and all challenges are far more complex and severe than expected.
I envisioned a future where I would be able to resume my career after my marriage, and the amount of support my ex-husband had promised would be enough to support me and my children. However, the reality revealed the other side coldly - due to the long absence of work, I found that it was not easy for me to find a job in the job market that was both satisfying and guaranteed in terms of quality of life, so I had no choice but to choose a relatively low-paying occupation as a stopgap measure.
As for my ex-husband, his salary level is not high, and the maintenance paid is also intermittent and stretched. On the list of living expenses, rent, water and electricity, daily living expenses, children's education expenses, various training course expenses, and unexpected medical and hospitalization bills ......Each of them is ruthlessly eating away at my meager income. Whenever the salary arrives, before you have time to feel its temperature, it has already been exhausted by all necessary expenses.
In the past, I only had to take care of my children wholeheartedly, and I didn't have to worry too much about the economy**; Now, I have to play a dual role in my daily life, raising my children properly and doing my best to complete my work tasks, and the pressure on my shoulders is like a boulder.
In the midst of my extreme busyness and lack of skills, I had to turn to my mother for help, because with my current financial situation, hiring a nanny was a luxury.
Frankly, after all this experience, I can't help but feel a trace of regret in my heart for choosing the path of divorce in the first place.
* When I got divorced, I remembered the story of a close friend around me. Two years after the marriage, she chose to end the marriage because she was dissatisfied with her husband's inaction. Subsequently, she resolutely devoted herself to the field of short-term entrepreneurship, and achieved wealth accumulation in a short period of time with the help of the goods industry, and then exchanged for luxury houses and luxury cars.
Whenever I confided in her about her husband's meager income, she would always respond indifferently: "If you really can't live a life, why not choose to change?" I can take you to start a business together, wouldn't it be more fragrant to make money on your own? In retrospect, maybe she was just a casual word of encouragement, but I saw it as a word of redemption in a difficult situation.
These words were like a seed quietly sown in my heart, gradually taking root and sprouting, and my dissatisfaction with my husband grew stronger and stronger. I began to show a clear lack of patience with him, and even took the initiative to provoke disputes, which escalated frequently. As the number of quarrels increased, the word "divorce" was involuntarily mentioned.
Faced with my decision, my husband could not accept it, he looked at me, his eyes were full of shock and pain, and pleaded: "Don't be impulsive, I don't want a divorce now, and you will regret it in the future." But I responded with a sneer: "Who can foresee the future, and it is unknown whether I regret it or not." ”
Divorce, once it starts, is like a water. After countless disputes and exhaustion, the husband finally compromised and agreed to the divorce. Our divorce process was relatively peaceful, with custody of my son and the house we bought before the marriage going to him.
When I happily invited my best friend to start a business together, she responded indifferently: "You are really divorced." After several invitations, she declined for various reasons. I know that my best friend's promise is no longer fulfilled, but since I have chosen this path of self-challenge, I must be resilient even if it is difficult and tortuous.
Now, I have resolutely embarked on the life trajectory of a single mother's struggle in the workplace. Looking back on that marriage, I suddenly realized why my ex-husband had predicted that I would regret it. At that time, I didn't have the practical conditions needed for divorce - as a full-time housewife, I had to go through a difficult accumulation process to find a position with a satisfactory salary.
It wasn't until after the divorce that I really experienced the weight of loss. "At the same time, I am also deeply aware that blindly following the footsteps of others often only makes my own fall worse. My best friend quickly built up wealth after her divorce, but that doesn't mean the same path will work for me, and it doesn't guarantee that I will be able to get rich as well. What's more, placing your expectations entirely on others is undoubtedly an unreliable choice.
If I were to go back in time and face a choice again, I think I would have revisited that decision, at least in the circumstances, and I might have chosen to stick with my marriage.
Divorce is not a panacea
Mr. Lai, 36 years old, car sales.
I deeply regret the one-month divorce life, and now I am left with an empty room at night.
Looking back on the past, whenever I stepped into the house at the end of the day's work, I was greeted by the delicious food prepared by my wife and the cheerful laughter of the children.
The turning point in married life stems from the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Soon after we got married, my mother moved in to take better care of us. At first, they were able to maintain a harmonious relationship, but as time passed, the trivial details of life gradually evolved into irreconcilable contradictions.
My mother always prioritized my tastes when she was shopping, but neglected the needs of other family members. For example, when the family bought beef, my mother insisted that I wait until I came home to enjoy it together, and let my wife hastily settle dinner. After this incident, the pent-up dissatisfaction in his wife's heart exploded: "In this family, are you the only human being, and we are not worthy of tasting beef?" ”
In addition, the little things in my daily life also reflect this bias: my mother served me a soup full of pieces of meat, while my wife was given a bowl of light vegetable soup. If this is just a difference in living habits, it may be regarded as a small thing, but over time, these small things are like a needle pricking the heart, and eventually lead to the breakdown of our marriage.
In the days that followed, my wife confided in me more than once, complaining that my mother-in-law often sent her to do housework.
I remember one time, when my wife was immersed in the plot of a TV series, her mother asked her to go to the laundry. She looked displeased and replied that she would do it later.
By the end of the afternoon, when the mother saw that the clothes had not been washed, she mentioned the matter again. And the wife was already resistant to this matter in her heart, so she said frankly to her mother: "Mom, if you had used the time you just talked about to do it, I am afraid that the clothes would have been washed long ago." ”
This scene was relayed to me by my wife afterwards. When my mother heard this, her eyes were full of astonishment, and she cast a reproachful look of "how can you talk to me like this".
As a child who grew up in a single-parent family, I really can't openly contradict my mother who worked hard to raise me for the sake of my wife.
Recalling my childhood, my mother paid countless hardships for my growth, from pulling me to grow up to helping me start a family, and even funded the purchase of a wedding house.
Therefore, in such a situation, the only thing I can do is to comfort my wife, hoping that she can be more understanding and tolerant, not too careful, and face my mother's trivial nagging with a broader mind.
During that crucial period of confinement, one of the seemingly trivial events that became a key trigger for conflict was that I was unable to take care of my wife myself due to my heavy workload, and entrusted this responsibility to my mother, who spent a week in the hospital to accompany and care for her.
However, in that short week, the mother's diet for her wife did not meet the expected standards, either preparing spicy dishes, simply satisfying her hunger with instant noodles, or a meal that was so light that it consisted of only gruel with green vegetables. As the folk saying goes, "the hatred of the confinement is remembered in the heart", and such an experience has undoubtedly left a deep imprint in the wife's heart.
When my wife returned home from her recuperation, she frankly expressed her dissatisfaction to me and insisted that my mother return to her hometown for a while. Faced with her appeal, I was in a dilemma, and reluctantly said, "My mother doesn't want to be home alone, she wants to live with us for a long time." ”
The strife intensified, and eventually we all burned out. After a heated argument, the wife resolutely took out a divorce agreement. At that moment, perhaps due to emotional impulse, I signed it without hesitation.
As time passed, my emotions calmed down, but my remorse grew. I know very well that it is the mother's excessive involvement in our lives that makes my wife suffer so much grievances. So, I mustered up the courage and went deep into the whole incident with my mother with an extremely serious attitude.
Despite this, my mother was still full of resentment and accused me of "marrying a wife and forgetting my mother". After a fierce conflict, she chose to return to her hometown.
Today, I am deeply looking forward to my wife's return to the family every day, hoping that we can reunite and re-establish a harmonious family relationship.
Once, men and women in marital difficulties were dissatisfied with conviction that they were:
Divorce seems to be the panacea for all pain.
If life really can't go on, why not choose a divorce? Whoever is without him can't live? ”
Real life, however, reveals a very different picture:
Many divorces do not show miraculous healing powers, but are more like a lose-lose battle, although they may hurt a thousand enemies, but they will inevitably lose eight hundred.
In the world after divorce, there is no absolute winner.
Everyone must start from scratch like bricks on the already shattered ruins of life, and experience a rebirth and restart.
This is not a blanket rejection of divorce, but it is undoubtedly wise to decisively cut off the bad relationship for those who have domestic violence, pornography, gambling and drug habits, and are unfaithful to their partners and have been repeatedly persuaded to change their ways.
But for all other cases, I expect everyone to be sensible and not just make decisions on the spur of the moment.
As the three stories mentioned above illustrate, many truths are often not realized until after divorce:
It turns out that ending a relationship doesn't solve all problems;
It turns out that every conflict and contradiction is a compulsory course for us to upgrade and enrich our life experience given by life.
Those who habitually avoid problems tend to stumble again before the same difficulty, and fate will test again and again until we truly cross the past.
Entering marriage requires a clear eye to understand people, and in the face of divorce, it is more necessary to weigh rationally, and avoid ideological slackness and inertia.
Life is long, we should do what we can, what we are most afraid of is to be empty and lonely, but empty-handed.
Here, I sincerely invite you to click [Follow], and I hope you will be cautious about marriage, neither easy to get married, nor hasty to separate.
Do you have a story of "regret after divorce"? Welcome to share in the comment area, let us accompany each other and go through this journey together, so that the soul is no longer lonely.