We can't be beasts" "The work is already very saturated, and the leader has temporarily added tasks, and I feel that I can't stay up", "I haven't done anything, but I still feel hollowed out after work", "What does the leader mean when he says this?" Is it a hint that I am not doing my job properly? ”…The above scenes have been experienced by people who go to work to a greater or lesser extent. In the fast-paced work and life, in the face of "involution" colleagues and a stressful environment, "internal friction" and "tiredness" have become the norm for many people, and we are eager to find a "magic" to make all our troubles disappear, but we do not have the courage or spare strength to go to the psychological counseling room and seek professional help. For those who can't lie flat and can't roll, how can they break the situation and save themselves? 
Psychologist Adler once said, "90% of life's troubles come from relationships." "A large part of the internal friction in the work comes from the relationship with leaders, colleagues, and customers. For introverts, workplace socialization is like "torture", and hypersensitivity traits are more like workplace poison, which can easily make people feel tired. Even if you have been in the workplace for several years and faced with various complex relationships, you still find yourself tired of coping, caring about what your colleagues think of you, and being easily swayed by the emotions of others. In our daily work, we always think about how to "have a good relationship", and at the same time feel that "it is really tiring to have a good relationship", and there is a lot of internal friction. But what we may not notice is that thinking about how to "have a good relationship" actually presupposes a premise that "good relationship" is the norm in workplace relationships. But in "Life Troubles Counseling Room", the author puts forward a point that subverts everyone's cognition:"Bad interpersonal relationships are a normal workplace. ”In the face of the problem of getting along with others, the author provides a model called "concentric circles of interpersonal relationships" to help us sort out interpersonal relationships. The concentric circles are divided into three layers according to the distance and importance of our lives: the innermost core area is the most intimate relationship, including family, lovers, and close friends; In the middle is the ordinary area, in which there are ordinary friends and distant relatives; The outermost circle is the work area, which is the "interpersonal relationship in the workplace", as long as it does not interfere with the development of the work. However, many people tend to put the cart before the horse and neglect to take care of our important loved ones. In the face of the message of a friend's greeting, I will forget it after reading it; In the face of intimacy, there is no mood ...... to share and communicateBut for leading colleagues, they are careful everywhere, and invest a lot of time and energy in order to establish intimate interpersonal relationships with the outermost people, and the result is that the gains outweigh the losses and make themselves exhausted. Therefore, letting go of the idea of having a good relationship with a colleague and maintaining a pure relationship is the clearest way to deal with interpersonal relationships in the workplace. After all, in the workplace, doing your job well and keeping the lines of communication flowing is more important than building relationships. 
I work in a black company, and I can't hold on anymore" After clarifying the basic principles of interpersonal relations in the workplace, there is also a very common problem that will lead to internal friction, that is, how to get along with colleagues and leaders who we are not used to and do not get along. Many times, we think that when we face someone we hate, our attitude is well hidden, and the other person will not notice it at all. But in fact, your expression will unintentionally sell you, and the results of some psychological experiments have shown that when verbal and nonverbal convey different information, the other party tends to give preference to nonverbal information. You think you're doing well, but it's often self-defeating. For another example, leaders often say: "When will these materials be delivered", "Do you have to ask me about this little thing", "Why is the data of the plan submitted this week posted incorrectly", ......When he arranged the task, he didn't make the specific requirements clear, and only said that it would be completed as soon as possible, without giving a specific time, but he kept asking. After a long time, it was difficult not to be dissatisfied, and I had to obey his arrangement and report to him. Although the workers will say "Okay, received, hard work" against their will, thinking that they will hide the complaints in their hearts well, but in fact, their expressions and status can easily betray you. The more you talk about a leader you hate, the more the leader will perceive this from your non-verbal messages, and the more cold they will be towards you. What may have been just a question of communication between superiors and subordinates gradually gave birth to a vicious circle of mutual hatred in this situation, which led to internal friction. Faced with such a situation, the author mentions that we make judgments about whether we like or dislike a person because of the most primitive reflex of the amygdala. Recent brain science research has found that verbal information inhibits the excitability of the amygdala. In other words, careful thinking prevents us from easily labeling others as "like" and "hate". So,If you want to get along with the person you hate normally, the core is to add one more label to the other person in addition to the two labels of "like" or "hate", that is, "ordinary".。Don't easily label people with labels like "how can he be so annoying" or "this person is really annoying", but let yourself choose between the two labels of "like" and "ordinary", and don't easily say "hate". In this way, when facing difficult colleagues and leaders, you may be able to achieve relative emotional stability, and no longer consume your limited energy due to interpersonal relationships. There is a saying on the Internet: Koreans who don't sleep, Japanese who don't eat, Chinese who don't take holidays. Asians have the word "roll" written all over their DNA. It's the same in the workplace, although many people chant "I want to lie flat", but behind the scenes, they will still be the "king of volumes". After all, when I see my colleagues around me getting promoted and getting a salary increase one by one, I still unconsciously make comparisons. Festinger, a psychologist who proposed the "theory of social comparison", believes that human beings compare themselves with others either as an instinctive or unconscious reaction. Whether in the workplace or in our personal lives, we often unconsciously compare ourselves with others, and we feel lost and depressed because we feel inferior to others. But in fact, have you really carefully analyzed your own situation? The vast majority of people lack thinking about this, and just let themselves passively fall into negative emotions such as "I am really unwilling to accept such a salary increase as the people who joined with me" and "I am really poor", and they can't stop struggling with internal friction. The authors mention that many psychological experiments have found that there is a "20-point deviation" between self-evaluation and the evaluation of others, that is, even if you rate your work "100 points", it will only appear to your boss to "80 points". 
I work in a black company, and I can't hold on anymore" For example, Xiao Wang feels that he works hard every day, but his peers around him have been promoted and raised, which makes him very depressed. Whenever he mentions his usual hard work, Xiao Wang always says: "I can complete the tasks assigned by the leader on time." "In Xiao Wang's eyes, I did all the work that the leader asked me to do, isn't that 100 points? But in the eyes of his leaders, such work performance can only reach a passing grade. Even better may be those colleagues who can find new problems and open up new business. There seems to be some truth to this comparison, but if we look at it from the perspective of a bystander, every kind of work must take the initiative to think about things outside of one's own job, is it a good employee? This is not necessarily the case, different people have different understandings of work, abilities and ways of growth, and comparing with others can only lead to more and more "volume", more and more anxiety, and confusion. The author, Kasawa Shion, believes that in order to get rid of this anxiety caused by comparing with others, we must first block out the outside world, neither pay special attention to the evaluation of leaders, nor care too much about the way colleagues work, but focus on comparing ourselves with ourselves, and persistently improve ourselves. When you feel the urge to compare yourself with others, think about yourself three months ago, you can think about yourself three months ago, you can do it three years ago, and if you still haven't improved compared to your past self, start working hard now and aim to achieve results in three months' time. In this way, it can be said, "I have made some progress compared to myself three months ago". Focusing on your own growth can better help you get rid of negative emotions such as jealousy and self-blame. Compared with which person, your ceiling is in**; Compared to yourself, there will be no upper limit to the height you can grow. When we first enter the workplace, we will always carry an expectation and fighting spirit, study hard, work overtime, and feel the joy and sense of accomplishment brought by work. However, after a long time, when the work becomes handy, it is also easy to feel bored and bored, and the work that realizes personal value is easy to become a "bullshit job", and the desire to quit is extremely strong. This kind of burnout is common, not only in the rank-and-file hierarchy, but also in high-ranking leaders. One of the root causes of burnout is that we don't feel fulfilled in our work because of the repetitive tasks we do day in and day out. More and more young people choose to do some "light physical labor", such as going to a café to work, to a flower shop to arrange flower cones, make bouquets, and want to use this way to fight against "bullshit work" and internal friction. This kind of low-intensity physical work seems to have many benefits: you can choose what you want to do, you have a very direct impact on the results of your work, and you can get a great sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. But can this completely ** our "mental work injury"? If we engage in these tasks for a long time, it will lead us into a new cycle of burnout, which can be said to be a palliative rather than a cure, effective in the short term, and difficult to persist in the long term. In this regard, the author proposes a simple way to address this burnout at its roots, which is to try to add creativity to your work. 
I work in a black company, and I can't hold on anymore" Hearing this, you may have to refute the author: Our usual work is more in accordance with the requirements of the leader and the needs of customers, and it is not a creative job, just a part-time job, how can there be any creative space at all? But in fact, it is not only creative work that needs to be integrated into your own creativity, some jobs with high repetitive work content can also add some changes to your work, which is also called "job crafting", that is, you can reshape or reinvent your own work and think about how to make it more interesting. Not only can you take the initiative to create your own work, but you can also define your own work. For example, when Xiao Wang first joined the company, his leader asked him to use Excel sheets submitted by other departments for data analysis. He was not very proficient in his work at the beginning, but he just dealt with the excel, ** data, and formulas done by the previous person in charge, which seemed very boring, and even felt that such work had not developed. However, Xiao Wang thought, is there a way to complete this task faster? After checking a lot of technical posts, I found that there are many functions in excel that can automatically summarize data, improve work efficiency, save time, and can also be used to improve the data and analyze the data from a new perspective. With the accumulation of experience, even for the same data, Xiao Wang can do more complex and in-depth analysis, and has a new understanding of this originally boring task. If we are willing to actively think about how to make a little innovation or change in the seemingly boring work, we may be able to turn unhappy and meaningless work into a lot more interesting, and such independent thinking can also help us develop in the workplace. In the modern society full of pressure, many people in the workplace have been in the dual consumption of physical exhaustion and mental anxiety for a long time, and they have always been working and living in a "low battery" mode. According to Mihaly Chiksenmihalai, one of the founders of positive psychology, the manifestations of "internal friction" illustrate the high disorder of a person's mental world, also known as psychic entropy. Swiss psychologist Carl Jung argued"Internal friction" is a kind of chaos of mental energy, in this state, our mental energy cannot flow and transform in an orderly manner, and we are always entangled in one thing, unable to deal with complex thoughts, and unable to find solutions。This explains why when we are in internal friction, we want to do everything, but we can't do anything. At the same time, the author Kasawa Shion also pointed out that disorder is also an opportunity for us to integrate our inner energy. It's as simple as getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and eating a healthy diet. Regular living habits can allow us to establish a kind of order in our daily life and sort out the chaotic heart with an orderly life. The first is sleep. Many people have to sacrifice sleep time to work overtime when they are busy at work, but in fact, the busier you are, the more you should get enough sleep. Birch Aster proposes that we should maintain at least 6 hours of sleep. Sleep deprivation can cause a sharp decrease in the brain's ability to function, and if you don't sleep for 6 hours for two weeks, the brain state is almost the same as if you didn't sleep for two days. In other words, people who can't get more than 6 hours of sleep are equivalent to working all night every day. Sleeping well is an important part of our daily lives. As for how to create a good quality of sleep, the author mentions that it is necessary to make good use of the "two hours before bedtime" and take a shower 90 minutes before bedtime; Chat with family members appropriately, or tease pets, and enjoy some more relaxed communication atmosphere; You can also keep a journal and review the happy events that happened today, and end the day with a positive attitude. All of this can help us get a good night's sleep. 
The King of the PeopleThe second is exercise. In addition to sleeping well every day, developing a certain exercise habit can also help us establish order in our lives. Aerobic exercises such as running and swimming, as well as low-impact exercises such as walking and yoga are easy to complete and can also help us improve our mood. When it comes to sports, some people may say, "I'm tired from going to work during the day, and I just want to stay in bed when I go home at night." The author understands the mentality of those of us very well, and in the book he introduces an exercise that is so simple that anyone can easily do it, which is to walk for 15 minutes to half an hour every day within an hour of waking up in the morning. It may not sound like easy, but it's not that hard to walk to the subway station on the way to work. According to the authors, getting up early for a walk is beneficial for working people. First of all, walking in the morning can bask in the sun, activate serotonin in our body, refresh people, and improve concentration while working. Secondly, it also resets the body's biological clock and switches the active part of the autonomic nerve from the "parasympathetic" to the "sympathetic". After the biological clock is reset, the human body will start to secrete melatonin after 15-16 hours, making people feel "sleepy". Based on this calculation, if the biological clock is reset at 7 a.m., it will naturally cause drowsiness between 10 and 11 p.m. This will also ensure that you fall asleep at a fixed time at night and develop good sleep habits. Finally, there is the diet. The authors suggest that breakfast is actually crucial, which many people tend to overlook. Can you recall how long it has been since you had a quiet breakfast, or even how long has it been since you had breakfast? Eating breakfast is an activity that corrects the deviation between the "brain clock" and the "human clock". In other words, when you wake up in the morning, you are in a state where your body is awake, but your brain is not awake. Eating a nutritious and balanced breakfast at this time can synchronize our brain and body's biological clock. 
Although in the workplace, we often feel involuntarily, struggle in life, and often feel anxious. But we can still try to actively adjust our mentality, set a clear boundary for life and work, establish order in life, and control our own rudder in this order. After all, the state of work and life is determined by our mindset and behavior. I hope that after "understanding the truth", everyone can mix well in the workplace and live a good life. In a distracting world and a life full of exhaustion, don't forget to take care of yourself first.
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