1 My wife had a cold, and she had to eat and drink to the bed, and even had to go to the toilet, but when she heard that the clothes were on sale online, she jumped up, and she chose half an hour on her mobile phone with a hundred times more energy, paid the money, bought something, and returned to bed and instantly entered a sick state!
2. Recently, I was learning to drive and take the driver's license test, and I was about to take the third subject, and I felt very nervous, for fear that I would have to retake the test if I failed.
When my mother saw that I was having trouble sleeping, she comforted me and said, "Don't be afraid, be calm, and be bold and careful during the exam." ”
After hearing this, I was full of confidence in the exam.
Just when I wanted to say thank you to my mother for her encouragement, she continued: "Anyway, our family doesn't have extra money to buy you a car, and failing to pass the grade will have no impact on your life, so don't worry about it." ”
3 looked at the sleeping baby (female) and said with pity: I don't know which bastard will have such a good fortune to marry her in 20 years!My wife said coldly next to her: My dad said the same thing more than 20 years ago!
4 once studied together a classmate, he is the class of the top student but I am just a scumbag, later, he was admitted to a key university, I can only go out to work, a few years later we met, he showed his monthly salary of tens of thousands, showing that he is working in a silent company, but what he doesn't know is that the person who pays him salary is me!
5Last night, my wife wrote on my back with her fingers and asked me what the words were, and I guessed several times but didn't guess correctly.
My wife said coldly: It seems that you really don't know how to write the word "death".
After speaking, I threw the private money I hid on the coffee table.
6 Man: "Every time I miss you, a grain of sand falls from the sky, and that's how the Sahara Desert is formed."Every time I miss you, the stars shed a tear, and that's how the sea was formed. ”
Woman: "Every time I miss you, I fart, that's how the ozone layer is formed." ”
7. A child, everybody said he was stupid. When someone gave him a five-dollar and a ten-dollar bill, he always went for the five-dollar one, and the news spread quickly, and when everyone saw him, they tried him in this way and laughed at him. Each time, he smiled and picked up the five yuan and left. When a wise man heard about this, he personally conducted an experiment, and the result was the same as everyone said. The wise man laughed, patted the boy on the shoulder, and said, "Little friend, you are so smart!"The boy laughed too.
8 Whenever children ask me questions, I always want to communicate openly and honestly with them. But 6-year-old Peter was too much for me to guard against. One night at dinner, he suddenly jumped up and asked, "Mom, is it that you are married to get pregnant?" ”
No," I replied, "it wasn't marriage that would have impregnated me." ”
So," he asked, "how did you get pregnant?"
Not wanting to get bogged down in such a troublesome conversation over dinner, I replied, "Peter, that's a long talk." ”
Looking at his naughty little face, he shook his head proudly and said, "You don't know, do you?"
9 went to the town to do something, and my wife called**: Come back quickly, my parents are here!"As soon as I heard that my father-in-law was coming, I hurried home, thinking that I could take the opportunity to drink two glasses, and I couldn't help but speed up the pace of going home!As soon as I got home, my wife handed me a spatula and an apron, and said with a smile: "My parents like to eat your fried vegetables the most, it's up to you, dear!."”
10. When you quarrel with your boyfriend, don't be in a hurry to blame him, but reflect on yourself first.
If it's really your own fault, think about how to blame him.
11 Honey, you are so good to me, I will look for you like this when I find a girlfriend in the future!
When I was shopping, I saw a discount in the mall, so I bought one for my boyfriend by the way. He was immediately moved, took my hand and said affectionately: Honey, you are so good to me, I will look for you like this when I find a girlfriend in the future!
I'll go, get out of here, heckle!