1. When I was about to leave the mall, the security guard at the door called out to me: "Wait a minute, what are you carrying in bulging clothes?"I angrily lifted my coat and yelled, "It's meat, it's meat!"My own. ”
2 was temporarily pulled to watch the midnight show at night, and I was so sleepy that I couldn't open my eyelids, and the movie was not good, so I fell asleep all of a sudden. At the end of the movie, I suddenly woke up, and my companion turned his head and asked me if the movie was goodI said it was good-looking. At this time, the audience in the back row angrily scolded: "What a good look!."You two take turns snoring and kicking the stool and you can't wake up!”
3. My husband is a science and engineering man, and he doesn't know what romance is. On Valentine's Day this year, I actually received his Valentine's Day gift, which is said to be a treasure from his college days - a small hammer that he designed and drove out of his own car, which can not only smash pecans, but also open wine bottles. I really wanted to open my husband's head with a small hammer to see how much water was in it, and tell me to have a hammer on Valentine's Day!
4 One weekend afternoon, I took a shower at home and applied it beautifully**. Suddenly, the courier boy knocked on the door.
Isn't it just a **, it won't frighten him?
So I opened the door with **, who would have thought that the little brother was so frightened that his face turned blue and he looked frightened.
Very frustrated!Can't you hide my ugliness?
When I came back and looked in the mirror, I found that I didn't know when I had a nosebleed, and it flowed up the ** paper.
I won't go into details, the courier brother can't help it.
5. I met a bunch of ** today.
A pediatric doctor,A little Lori fever,Have to use medicine,Lori is crying and fussing with infinite fear,Parents can't be appeased,Lori has to look at the weight of the medicine,Put it on the scale and keep jumping around Can't see the reading clearly,I have no choice but to appease Lori,As long as you honestly weigh yourself and don't take injections,Sure enough,The tragedy is that when Lori learned that she still had to be injected,Crying and beating me,You**,Even children are deceived by the smell**,Didn't you say you don't get an injection?**t T is still Lori Mommy handsome, she calmly said to Lori, baby, you recognize the wrong person, just now an aunt was in it, I'll take you to find her to ......So the sad Lori was taken to find **.,Finally, I heard a heart-rending roar.,I met a bunch of ** today!
6 was ready to confess to the goddess, and asked his brother in a panic: How embarrassing do you say that if you don't succeed and are rumored all over the world?My brother patted me on the shoulder and said, "Don't worry, it's embarrassing to be liked by you, who will spread the word ......."I'll go, hurt my self-esteem, break off friendship!
7. A young man went through a lot of hardships and trekked through mountains and rivers to an ancient temple to visit a monk. He said"Master, why is there so much war between my mother and my wife?And I am so miserable among them?How can we all be happy?I saw the master put his hands together and bowed his head and said: Amitabha, it was for this reason that the old man became a monk.
8 Qixi Festival, are you still alone?
Nonsense, am I going to turn into a dog?
9 Lao Wang lost ten yuan playing cards and was counted down by his daughter-in-law in public.
I saw that Lao Wang was very pitiful, so I went up to comfort him and said: "You are okay, last week I saw a man in the vegetable market from a distance who was scolded by his daughter-in-law for being bloody, that is called a shame!."”
After hearing this, Lao Wang burst into tears, and cried loudly: "That's me, too!"
10Dad taught his five-year-old son to memorize English words, but his son was still young and kept memorizing wrong. The father asked his son to eat more fish, and repeatedly said: "Eating fish makes people smarter, you just need to eat more fish, you can memorize a few more English words." When the son heard this, he pestered his father every day, saying that he wanted to eat fish. After a few days, the father checked his son's memorization of English words, but his son still couldn't memorize them. Dad said helplessly, "Why can't you remember the fish after eating it?"The son thought for a moment and said, "Because I eat all Chinese fish, and they don't speak English!"”
11**, if you don't do it again, I'll be home!
Last night I was on my way home when there was a woman in front of me, and we both walked very slowly, keeping a distance of about two meters. At that time, there was no one in the whole street, it was very quiet, and after walking for about ten minutes, the woman's steps became slower and slower, and suddenly she turned back to me and said, "If you don't do it again, I'll be home!"”
I'll go, I'm just going along the way with you, and I'll provoke you!