Once it comes to what the grades are, how much the salary is, whether to buy a house or not, and whether there is a partner, it feels like the day is dead" "Young people need guidance, but not relatives who can't see each other all year round" ......
Another year is approaching, and going back to their hometown to visit relatives has become a matter of pressure for many young people.
Neglect to have too much interaction with non-immediate family members, a phenomenon that some scholars call "severance". However, has the new generation of young people really "broken off"? Is it "true family affection" or "hypocrisy"? From reconstructing kinship relationships, reshaping emotional ties to providing growth support, understanding the deep meaning behind young people's "severance" can promote their "return" after "leaving".
Refuse to be the talk of the elders
In 2024, the topic of "breaking off" among young people continues. It seems that the contemporary young group no longer attaches importance to "blood relationship", and some netizens even began to worry that the maintenance of traditional kinship has faced the crisis of disintegration. "There is no common topic, it is very awkward to get along", "Some relatives have no sense of boundaries, they want to ask everything, they want to manage everything", "refuse to become a talking point for elders to compare", ......These messages reveal the reason why young people choose to "break off their relatives" more concentrated.
Xiangtan University graduate student WeChat***
Due to the different environments and things they come into contact with, the way of thinking and doing things between today's young people and the older generation of family members has been very different. What seems nothing to you will actually sting me deeply; What you think is important is actually very boring in my opinion. "The joys and sorrows of people are not connected", "the words are not speculative for more than half a sentence", especially if the relationship is not so close, there is no need to endure it.
My parents' generation was in the village with relatives when I was a child, and we met every once in a while. But I haven't seen many relatives of the previous generation, and the people of my generation are scattered all over the world, so how much family affection can there be? Wang Yiling, a student at East China Normal University, said.
A questionnaire survey conducted by Hu Xiaowu, a professor at the Department of Sociology at Nanjing University, further proves that"Inherently unfamiliar" is likely to become the premise for young people to choose "breaking off their relatives". According to the survey results, 63 percent of people under the age of 18 have "little contact with their families".1%, 26-year-old 30-year-old post-90s young people are mostly only "occasionally in contact with relatives".
At the same time, the daily life of the "Generation Z" youth group is highly dependent on the Internet, and their lifestyles are built around the Internet, and the traditional kinship, emotional bonds, and social support systems that the elders adhere to may not be irreplaceable in the eyes of contemporary young people.
What exactly is it that young people are disgusted with?
So,Are today's young people really "six relatives don't recognize"? This "hat" cannot be easily buttoned. As Wang Defeng, a professor at Fudan University's School of Philosophy, said, the so-called "severance of kinship" is rooted in social transformation, a collision between the rules of communication based on the spirit of modern contract and the kinship relationship established on the basis of traditional clan ethics.
According to the latest data from the National Bureau of Statistics, China's urbanization rate was 6522%, compared to 3622%。This means,In the past 22 years, more than 300 million people have moved from rural areas to urban areasAs a result, a large number of people have left the rural areas where they have lived for generations and have gone their separate ways, traditional family structures have gradually been dismantled, and young people no longer live in the same villages or communities as their parents.
Young people who grew up in the city, when they return to the countryside to "go shopping", feel uncomfortable and keep their distance, which is understood by society as "breaking off relatives". It's not really broken, uncle is still uncle, aunt is still aunt,It is just not easy to acknowledge the authority in this kinship and the ethical responsibility that must be assumed on this basis.
It is undeniable that contemporary young people are facing huge pressure of social competition, and they can't take care of themselves, and it is difficult to have the time and energy to have in-depth exchanges with the seven aunts and eight aunts. At the same time, young people are more sensitive to the boundaries of social life, and the traditional visit to relatives and family chats has become a burden, and even produces an unpleasant social experience.
Obviously, I haven't met a few times, I haven't talked a few days, and as soon as I come up, I want you to explain all your personal privacy clearly" "On the surface, you care about it, but in fact, you compare your children with your madness, all kinds of PUA you" "It's okay that you have been successful, but if you fail once, your relatives will come to see you laughing" "Say it's help, but in fact, make the gesture like charity, no matter what you do in the future, you will mention that little help, and if you don't appreciate it, you will be called a white-eyed wolf" ......Netizens believe that all relatives who have these behaviors can be included in the ranks of "no need to communicate".
That is, it is not kinship itself that is disgusted, but disguised goodwill. What is disgusting is that in the name of "for your own good", he is arrogant, saying mean things and doing cool things. Many things are done to obey the destiny of heaven or have more than enough strength but not enough, why do relatives have to "play around" and "sprinkle salt on the wound"?
As Hu Xiaowu pointed out in his researchDue to the imbalance of mentality caused by demolition, loans, property inheritance, family comparison, etc., the "conflict of interest" between relatives gradually exceeds the proportion of "interest link". In particular, the comparison between relatives has worn out the family affection. The other party is not happy when they are doing well, they are not happy with each other, they are more affectionate to each other, and the children have become a tool for comparing with each other.
Looking forward to the "return" after the "exodus".
The kinship that parents spend their time, energy, and financial resources to maintain is not valued by young people. Such an assertion is clearly a misreading. In fact, today's young people are desperate for true kinship and family cohesion, which can be their floating boat in their wanderings and a haven after being injured.
At the beginning of the outbreak, knowing that my father was infected, I was trapped overseas and couldn't come back, and I kept crying in **. It was my uncle and aunt who took care of my parents all the time, helping me book a plane ticket everywhere, and then my relatives scattered in different places guarded me home in various ways. I will never forget the peace of mind and touching of my family in times of crisis. "Harmonious kinship is essential to alleviate the psychological state and reality of young people's "fighting alone".
Wang Defeng believes that just as the development of family enterprises should be adjusted to adapt to the rules of market competition, the continuation of the family lifeline also needs to be adjusted to meet the needs of young people. The elders should realize the change and transformation of society, and they should not use the original set of traditional values to evaluate the young people of today.
Change the "absence" of relatives in the process of teenagers' growth, and make family kinship a "ballast relief cabin", and the real family affection is tolerance, understanding, and gentleness. A harmonious kinship relationship is one of mutual love, upward and benevolent, and co-construction and sharing.
Youth Zhejiang" released the survey results of "On the Phenomenon of Young People's "Breaking Relatives" to nearly 10,000 post-90s and post-00s49.2% of young people do not seek help from relatives when they encounter difficulties and problemsFrom the other side, it shows that young people are eager to get "effective communication" and "useful help" from kinship.
What is especially worthy of reflection by the elders and relatives is that for the things that young people themselves have felt pressured on, such as employment, marriage and love, etc., do not "go straight to" care and "condescending" evaluation, but start with seemingly meaningless chatting and topics that young people are interested in"Integrating" rather than "intervening" in young people's lives. Let the lessons and suggestions of the "people who have come over" go slower and gentler.
Young people will not always be siloed individuals. We always have to go back to our own network of relatives to better accept ourselves and others. As netizens said,No matter how the times change, family affection will never fade, it will only be reconstructed in a new attitude and way at a certain time in life.
From "breaking off relatives" to "recognizing relatives", from "running away for half a life" to "returning to the family", perhaps only by experiencing enough falls and getting up, and overlapping with the elders in the life trajectory, can young people no longer be disgusted, but understand the power of love with more mature thinking, and discover the true value contained in kinship.
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