1 wife: "Husband, if someone buys me for 10 million, will you sell it?" ”
Husband: "Of course not!" ”
The wife was very happy, kissed her husband fiercely, and asked, "Why?" ”
Husband: "You are not worth 10 million, I don't make this kind of unconscionable money!" ”
2Wife: "If I quarrel with your mother, will you be on my side?" The husband said, "Of course." The wife was very happy: "So, you will deal with your mother with me?" Husband: "I think it's beautiful, I'm going to stand next to you and gag your mouth." "Haha!
3And when a pony was about to cross the river, the old buffalo saw it and said to him, "Do not be afraid, for the water is shallow, and it is only up to my knees." ”
The little squirrel immediately ran over and shouted, "Don't believe him! The water was so deep that my friend drowned. ”
The pony didn't know who to listen to, and the mother beside him told him, "Kid, don't pay attention to those two psychopaths, let's walk the bridge." ”
4 I went to the swimming pool with my cousin and my little nephew, and my little nephew held me tightly and didn't let go.
My cousin-in-law said, "Well, you follow your mother." ”
The little guy shook his head: "I must follow my aunt." ”
Just as I lamented that I usually didn't kiss the little guy in vain, the little guy said touching the meat on my stomach and counting: "One, two, three, four, my aunt has four swimming rings, do you have them?" ”
5 turned over the old ** at home, and suddenly turned to a relatively old **, looked at a beautiful woman above and asked my mother, who is this beauty, my mother said, this beauty is very unlucky, married to your father, gave birth to an unobtrusive baby, there is such a mother, I am also drunk.
6The first time I went to my mother-in-law's house to show off my cooking skills, I made egg fried rice. I was always worried that it would not be cooked, so I fried it for a while, and finally flattened the rice, sprinkled with pepper, curry powder, and peppercorns. My mother-in-law praised me and said, "This is the most authentic egg curry pot rice I have ever eaten!" ......
7 Lao Zhang's daughter is about to get married, and Lao Zhang's daughter-in-law doesn't know what's going on these days, and she loses her temper with Lao Zhang at both ends in three days, and she is punished for kneeling on the washboard, and she is punished for sleeping on the floor, and she is searching for money ...... private roomLao Zhang asked his wife, what's wrong with you these days? You made me taste all the domestic violence in my life! His wife gave him a blank look: What do you know, I want my daughter to systematically learn the way of the husband before she gets married!
8Pretend to be drunk, or it's time for you to settle the bill.
In my junior year, I interned in a graphic design studio in Shanghai, and my boss was very picky. A week after arriving at the unit, it happened to be just in time for the completion of a project, and the boss said to invite everyone to eat and drink. After a few drinks, everyone was drunk and lying on the table. It was just me and my boss looking at each other, and I felt a little embarrassed. Suddenly, a colleague next to me poked me in the waist and reminded me softly, "Pretend to be drunk, or it's time for you to settle the bill......."“
9 Xiao Li went to his girlfriend's house for the first time, and his girlfriend took him to walk around. The girlfriend said, "Do you see that big clearing on the side of the mountain?" My mother said, as long as you marry me, ......”
Xiao Li said excitedly: "That piece of land is mine?" ”
My girlfriend shook her head and said, "Your gift money will be used to build a house for my brother there." ”
10. In class, the teacher called the name: "Liu Hua!" As a result, a child below shouted back, "yes!."The teacher was angry: "Why don't you say 'to'?" The child said, "That word is pronounced 'Ye'......."
11. Director: Why didn't you close the peacock's cage yesterday?
Administrator: It's okay, peacocks won't eat people when they run out.
Director: The lion's cage hasn't been closed yet!
Administrator: Don't worry! Lions will not be stolen by anyone.
Director: The vault hasn't been closed yet!
Administrator: The money in the vault won't run away.
Director: You won't be using it tomorrow.
Administrator: Tomorrow is Sunday, of course I won't.
12On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water", and the pig also learned from the parrot and said to the stewardess: "Give me a glass of water", and the stewardess was furious and threw both the parrot and the pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Be stupid, you can fly." ”
13One day, the teacher saw a student sleeping, woke him up, and said, "It's okay to ask you a question and answer it." ”
The teacher asked, "The chicken that came first in the world, or the egg that came first?" ”
The student replied, "The chicken that came first." ”
The teacher said, "You tell me how the first chicken came about." ”
Student: "That's already the second question......”