Have you ever been so confused: to be good to a person from the bottom of your heart, but to be taken for granted by the other party; struggled to maintain a relationship, but became the most familiar stranger. The writer Pushi wrote in "Celadon": "Moderation is medicine, and excess is poison." ”It is true that moderation is a good medicine, which can solve the world and understand human feelings; On the contrary, going too far will only break the relationship. No matter who you get along with, you must learn to avoid these four things, unless you want to ruin the relationship. OverpayingIn the hit drama "Don't Come to Your Hometown Unharmed", Wu Yun, played by Li Xueqin, shared an apartment with her roommate. In order to have a good relationship, Wu Yun tolerated and paid silently. She gave up the large room to her roommates and lived in a small room with low light by herself; also gave the original key to his roommate, and spent 300 yuan out of his own pocket to match the key. But instead of appreciating it, the roommate became more and more excessive: he didn't collect the garbage, threw his clothes around, and didn't wash the dishes he used up until they grew hair. Wu Yun followed her roommate's ass again and again to clean up the mess. Once, in order to buy a big-name bag, the roommate turned his head and borrowed money from Wu Yun. Wu Yun gritted her teeth and borrowed 2,000 yuan under her soft grinding and hard bubbles. Originally, it was good to pay back the money when the salary was paid, but the roommate shirked it with various excuses. Later, he flatly denied that he had never borrowed money from her. Wu Yun never wanted to pay for herself, but she ended up feeding a white-eyed wolf. Until the two broke up, the roommate asked Wu Yun with an aggrieved face: "Didn't we have a good relationship before!" ”I heard a sentence that was very heart-wrenching: 99% of the social interaction between adults is useless. Many times, the relationship between two people goes downhill, not because they do too little, but because they give too much. In life, there are always some people who would rather get themselves wet than hold an umbrella for others; There are always some people who know that they can't support themselves, but they also have to stand on tiptoe to lift others. In the final analysis, they are looking forward to exchanging sincerity for sincerity, and they are eager to be cherished. However, there are too many people in this world who only know how to enjoy the efforts of others, but forget to repay the favor. Blindly paying, not only can not exchange for a reciprocal relationship, but will make the original payment cheaper, and even more intensified. You must know that people's hearts are never bottomless, and they should pay in a certain amount. In any relationship, giving in moderation is far better than pleasing without a bottom line. 
Excessive interferenceWriter Mu Ge wrote in "Our New Era" about Bai Jing and Wen Jing, two good sisters who have known each other for many years. After Wen Jing's divorce, she took her children alone and became a taxi driver. Bai Jing felt worthless for her friend, she felt that Wen Jing graduated from Normal University, and it was too condescending to drive a taxi. So, she suggested that Wen Jing change to an education-related job, and hurriedly recommended contacts to her after speaking. Wen Jing felt that driving a taxi was very free, and it was convenient for her to take care of her children, so she said that she liked this job very much. But Bai Jing was stubborn: "You do what I say, do you don't have a resume, I will help you write it, you can prepare for the interview." Hearing this, Wen Jing couldn't bear it anymore, and said straightly: "Can you not do this!" I always think I'm right, and force on me what you think is right. I don't want to change jobs at all, you understand? Bai Jing felt that a basin of cold water was splashed on the head, and her kindness was all in vain. In this way, the two broke up unhappily, and their relationship for many years faded. Around everyone, there is no shortage of people like Bai Jing, every time they experience it, people are at a loss for what to do. In this world, flowers are different, and people are different. We may not understand the happiness of others; Our sufferings may not be fully known to others. All acts of transgression are only adding to each other's troubles. The result will only be: even if there are thousands of good intentions, in the end it will become all kinds of helplessness. In fact, life is like drinking water, and the warmth and coldness depend on self-knowledge. If you are really good, you can stop at the point, so that is the best protection for a relationshipAs Mo Yan said: "Less interference, more understanding." For oneself, this is self-cultivation; To people, this is compassion. ”Over-relianceI have seen a topic on Weibo: What is it like to be too dependent? Under the problem are all kinds of complaints: some people say that it feels like bringing a child who will never grow up; Some people say that they have become the Lord who will bear for others when the sky falls; Some people also say that it is like when you are sweating profusely after running in the summer, and suddenly you pick up a hot towel, and you can't shake off the ......To sum it up, it is nothing more than annoying, tired and helpless. There is such a pair of guests in "Love Defense", and the boy wants to break up because he can't stand his girlfriend's overdependence on him. Because his girlfriend is always ** day long, the boy's WeChat is late, and she can cry for half a day; Even if you have a conflict with your best friend, you have to find a boy to help solve it; Even when he encounters a problem at work, he always pushes it to the boy to face it for himself. The most excessive time, the boy wanted to go to the field for training, and his girlfriend didn't let him, so he had to go with him, so he hid the boy's suitcase. The boy complained: "Anyway, this is how they depend on me, pushing everything to me, pushing me everything that is within their own control, and calling me with peace of mind." In the program, a sentence from the mentor directly stated the essence:"Moderate dependence can bring both parties closer, while over-dependence can make each other feel anxious, insecure, and difficult to maintain a balanced and stable relationship. ”Psychologist Elaine Allen once proposed the "Jonah complex" that exists in interpersonal interactions. It refers to the irrational obsession and dependence of one person on another, which can occur in various intimate relationships. This kind of relationship seems to be like glue, but in fact it hides a crisis. Because of over-dependence, it is equivalent to pinning one's life completely on others, and invisibly becoming a vassal of the other party. And blindly relying on each other will also form a kind of ** for the dependent, and no matter how much you love you, you will be embarrassed. If a person can live as a tree for a lifetime, don't be a vine. Only when a person is not attached to anyone can he return the freedom of others and his own freedom. 
Excessive speculationManga artist Hideaki Anno once told his story in a documentary on NHK. The 23-year-old Hideaki is a fledgling, and Miyazaki appreciates him very much, and the two are known as master and apprentice. What made Xiuming unbelievable was that ** also handed over the main creator of the Giant God Soldier to himself. He admitted that he lacked confidence at the time and felt that he could not meet the expectations of **. As the sketches handed in were overturned again and again, Xiuming began to feel uneasy. When Miyazaki noticed that Hideaki looked a little depressed, he suggested that he stop his work and rest for a few days. But in Xiuming's opinion, this is telling himself "either paint or go", so he feels even worse. Half a year later, Xiuming decided to leave, and the retention of ** was just a show in his eyes. He even yelled at **: "You just can't see me painting well, you're afraid that I will surpass you." After leaving, Xiuming was in a state of deep depression because of the lack of progress in his creation. At this time, Miyazaki's first pass became his savior: "You just have a good rest, you have created so many amazing works, and you can start painting when you want to paint." Hayao Miyazaki also supported Hideaki externally: "People think that I found him, but in fact he is not, he is a great person like a ** person." Xiuming had mixed feelings in his heart, he blamed himself for all kinds of suspicions he had about **, and regretted that he had ruined the relationship between the two with his own hands. The master and apprentice could have become a beautiful talk, but it came and went in a hurry. I agree with this sentence:Excessive speculation is distrust of others, lack of confidence in oneself, torment of each other, and blasphemy of feelings. In reality, many people will unconsciously fall into excessive speculation. A friend's unintentional words were repeatedly pondered by himself; A casual look from the family pierced a thorn in the heart; Even a casual joke between colleagues can become a nightmare for yourself. There is a sentence written in the "Meditations": "He who ponders the thoughts of others is never happy." ”Instead of grinding others too hard, try to settle yourself. After all, when the burden on the heart is removed, people will be at ease, and the relationship can go further. Zhang Ailing once sighed:"The relationship in the world is far more fragile than expected, and it is a process that needs to be carefully considered. ”If you think about it carefully, any long-term, stable and high-quality intimate relationship must be a good way to communicate: pay in moderation and sincerely entrust in order not to be disappointed; Interfere with a certain degree and compare the heart to the heart, so as to accept each other; Speculation is moderate, and the heart is clear, so that you don't get tired of getting along; Dependence is moderate, close and sparse, in order to get tired of it for a long time. In this life, the mountains and rivers are long, all the way to go, all the way to enlightenment. May all the encounters between you and me be joyful.