Looking back, I deeply felt that I had many shortcomings in my parents. My father's kindness and mother's impatience are all traits that I have retained. My father often wore muddy shoes to go out, and my mother couldn't stop scolding, and I repeated these habits many times.
Yesterday I heard Rui mention an incident when I was a child, she said that after I made a mistake, she had been scolding me in the living room and went to clean up in the hallway, but when I thought she was done, she went back to the room again and scolded me more harshly. This experience made me realize more deeply what was wrong with me at the time.
Indeed, I'm in my 20s and still mechanically maintaining my old way of life. However, since tying the knot with Mr. Liu, my life has improved. The people in the compound, including the retired elders, were very appreciative of my housekeeping skills. Now that I am middle-aged, I may not be able to do my daily cleaning routine, but making sure that I look neat and tidy when I go out is my top priority.
I have already let go of the excessive reprimand of Rui, learned how to deal with emotions calmly, and quickly resolved the dissatisfaction in my heart. The clarity of the sense of boundaries, the gradual fading of the burden of responsibility of others, and the avoidance of interfering with relatives and friends, are also a direct manifestation of Mr. Liu's influence.
Looking back on this period of marriage and the days before Mr. Liu left, I realized that what is really important in life is not those seemingly major events, and that all occurrences have their own internal logic. This is called "degree", although he did not foresee or expect it.
Undoubtedly, I am the destined person in his life, and if I do not understand and feel the gains and losses of life from this decisive moment, then even if he stays for a few more years, the relationship between him and me is destined to drift apart.
Every stranger in this world may have their own unique story, some may be only a brief encounter, some may become enemies, and some undocumented encounters may become eternal bonds. If anger eventually subsides and love can be transformed into pity, then this fate is undoubtedly the deepest memory.
It's amazing how hard it is for me to fall in love easily, to stop asking too much, and not to blame too much when faced with unfulfilled situations. Because I am in the process of continuing to accept "degree".
I began to appreciate the hardships of life, the helplessness of fate, and the distance between reality and dreams. I know how to accept reality, understand the impermanence of the world, firmly believe in true love, and do not care even if I encounter the pain of not loving. The people and things I encounter in life are all designed to help me grow and progress, and make me braver and smoother through every stage of life. This is how I gradually accepted the process of "degree", and it is worth remembering.