When I was brushing ** during the Chinese New Year, I saw an interview about young people who don't want to go home for the New Year.
Some people say:Why be yourself away from home?There is no sense of belonging when I go home, I don't want to be devalued by my parents as soon as I go home after working hard outside, and I can only be myself in a place far away from home. ”
In order to meet the expectations and requirements of their parents, children have to bear a heavy burden from an early age, and in order to live as their parents expect, they put on a "mask" for themselves.
Children who wear the mask of "honor students" have been trying to be good children who are both excellent and obedient, and can only get full marks in exams, and they must be top students in school, and they must be "other people's children" who are envied by relatives and friends. But in fact, under the mask, there may be a rebellious face who hates studying, every time I hear that I see my parents showing off my grades in front of relatives and friends, I feel bored, and when I am bored in class, I actually want to skip school and go out to play like those ordinary children. Therefore, the longer the honor students do it, the greater the inner depression, and when they encounter frustration and resistance later and are blamed by their parents, the greater the rebellion and rebellion will be.
One of my high school classmates, she used to be the top student in her class, and she was either first or second in every exam, and she was deeply loved by her teachers and envied by her classmates. She has always been an "honor student" who follows the rules and is obedient and sensible.
However, the recent dynamics of her circle of friends have been a big surprise. She frequently made radical remarks, complaining about her parents' strict discipline, which had made her childhood oppressive and boring. She truthfully recounted the difficulties she experienced when she came to work in a big city after graduation, but her parents always concealed her bitterness in front of others, and always boasted about how good her job was and how high her income was.
At first, I thought that her behavior was a bit "excessive", after all, even if she was dissatisfied with her parents, she would not count her parents down in front of everyone she knew in the circle of friends.
But actually,The longer they are repressed, the more outrageous their experiences are flaunted by others, the harder it is for them to be themselves。While parents exaggerate their children's experiences in front of relatives and friends in accordance with their own expectations for their children, they do not realize that their children do not know how to "fulfill lies" in the face of these "lies" of their parents in order to maintain their parents and their own dignity. Therefore, the excellent children in the mouths of their parents do not dare to go home for the New Year, obviously not having a satisfactory time in a foreign land, but when they return home, they still have to put on a "mask" to become a talking point and example to be "shown off".
While waiting for the subway, I heard a conversation between a mother and her son in the back. The mother said
You see, your cousin is a good person, not only has a good job and a high income, but also can speak, and is polite and thoughtful. No wonder the whole family looks to him as a role model. You, you have to learn more from your cousin! ”
But the son said in disgust
Why should I learn from him? He's him, I'm me, don't keep comparing me to him. ”
When I go home for the Chinese New Year and gather with relatives, I am most afraid that parents will compare their children with each other, and I am afraid that parents will always find a benchmark for themselves to learn. Why is "Dong Shi Xiaofeng" counterproductive, because, no matter how good others are, you are not her, no matter how you imitate it, it is not like it. Everyone has their own personality characteristics, and always trying to imitate people who are completely opposite to their own personality will only get worse and worse the more they imitate, so it is better to be yourself.
When you let go of the scruples and pretenses in your heart and be true to yourself, maybe you are still not good, and you are still not outstanding, but you can calmly face the eyes of others, and you will not care about what others think of you.
In fact, many people are anxious every time they go home for the Chinese New Year. What they are anxious about is not going home, but the "generation gap" that is difficult to cross, between two generations. This anxiety stems from the inability to give up family affection, and it is difficult to integrate with the concept and lifestyle of family members. They longed for the warmth of home, but they were afraid to go home. Like a little bird, it wants to return to its nest, but also is afraid of getting lost in an unfamiliar sky.