If parents can't understand the 8 "inner words" of adolescent children, it will be bad
Adolescence, when many parents hear about this period, it is as if they are facing a strong enemy.
Because once you enter puberty, parents will find that their once well-behaved and obedient children suddenly become strangers, like an intricate labyrinth, and it is difficult to guess their inner thoughts.
For example, children turn a deaf ear to their parents' words, always oppose their parents, and do not let their own affairs be taken care of; The child communicates well with his classmates at school, but when he returns home, he is silent. The child's mood is good and bad, and he complains about a little thing and says that he doesn't want to live ......
Parents may be confused: what exactly are they thinking, and why are they behaving in all these wacky ways?
The real inner world of teenagers may be quite far from what most parents imagine.
This article will start from the perspective of an adolescent child, ** 8 words from the bottom of their hearts to their parents.
Through these words, we will analyze several psychological characteristics of adolescent children, hoping to provide some enlightenment for parents.
8 "inner words" for adolescent children
Inner Words - 1
Even if I know what you're saying is right, I won't listen to you because that's your idea, not my own.
Inner Words - 2
The ideal state for my parents to get along with me is that you rent a house for me to live alone, don't come to disturb me or direct me, but if I encounter trouble that I can't solve, I hope you can show up in time and provide me with the help I need. This is what I look forward to, to be "intimate and independent" with you.
Inner Words Interpretation:
Children who enter adolescence begin to awaken their sense of independence, hoping to obtain their own independent space and get rid of the constraints of **. Therefore, children in this period will regard the good words and persuasion of their parents as "nagging", because they feel that they already have independent ideas and attitudes towards things. But on the other hand, they often don't know what they want, and many times they feel lost; And due to the lack of life experience and the lack of comprehensive view of problems, you will often encounter obstacles and setbacks.
At this time, although they are not willing to admit their failures to their parents, they still want to be helped in their hearts, which is the "contradiction between independence and dependence" in adolescent children. In this regard, parents need to be a "watchman", keeping a certain distance from their child, but always paying attention to him.
Inner Words - 3
Don't talk to me with that commanding and aggressive tone, because I care more about the way you say it than what you say. I am not your appendage, please communicate with me in a respectful and equal tone.
Inner Words - 4
Before you tell me your point, listen to me patiently, carefully, and not perfunctory. Even if it turns out that you are right and I am wrong, I hope you will respect my right to express my opinion, because that's what it's called discussion.
Inner Words Interpretation:
When children enter puberty, not only does they grow in height to look like adults, but their self-perception also changes. They are no longer willing to obey their parents like "children", but want others to treat them as "adults", hoping to be respected and valued by others. However, many parents are unable to adapt to this change in time, and even feel that no matter how old their child is, they will always be a child. It is precisely because of this that many parents encounter communication barriers.
For example, they do not know how to ask for children's opinions and opinions, and always command and force children to obey in a condescending manner. At this time, parent-child conflict often arises, because the child has to "resist" to gain his rights. If parents can adjust their communication style in time and treat their children as adults, communication will be smoother and more harmonious.
Inner words - 5
Don't judge my friends casually, aren't all children with bad grades bad? Don't point fingers at my friends, it's my freedom to choose who to be my friends with.
Inner words - 6
Don't criticize me in front of my classmates and friends, because their evaluation and impression of me is what I care about the most.
Inner Words Interpretation:
For adolescent children, friendship is a very important part of life. While parents want their children to be able to play with good children, they keep their distance from delinquent teenagers.
But for children, they think it's their right to make friends. If parents blame or criticize their friends excessively, they will be very disgusted. It is a double-edged sword for any adolescent child to be free from the influence of his peers, and parents need to take the initiative to guide their children to establish good peer relationships: for example, take their children to contact positive groups, such as reading clubs, basketball clubs, running circles, mountaineering associations, etc., or often organize class reunions for children, and invite children's classmates to play at home.
This can not only be used as an opportunity to exercise children's social skills, but also to increase the understanding of children's friendship circles and guide children to establish good standards for choosing friends.
Inner Words - 7
Sometimes I complain to you that a teacher or classmate is not good, or that there is too much homework and too much pressure, but in fact, I just want to find someone who is willing to understand me to complain, so that my emotions can be heard and accepted. You don't have to feel like you have to give me any advice, and I don't want to see you upset about it, because that would break me down.
Inner Words - 8
When I sometimes say, "I'm going to die," what I really want to say is: I want you to stop and listen, understand, and respect my thoughts and needs. Many times I hurt myself, just to gain your understanding.
Inner Words Interpretation:
The change in affection is very significant and is a typical feature of adolescent children. They are both "sentimental" and "moody", which not only confuses parents, but also them themselves. Because with the continuous development of emotions, they also have their own "little secrets" in their hearts, which are information that they do not want others to know and will not be easily spoken.
Adolescent children often fall into a "contradiction between openness and closure", on the one hand, they need to release their emotions, and on the other hand, they restrain their reluctance to express their true inner thoughts. As a parent, the first priority is to provide enough space for your child to vent their emotions and become a "cushion" for their children's emotions.
In communication with children, parents should minimize their own words and listen to their children's voices. When giving advice, it should be concise and clear, avoid adding intense emotions, and do not force your child to implement it immediately. In this way, trust is gradually built with your child and the path to their inner world is opened.
After listening to these heartfelt words, perhaps you have a deeper understanding of your child.
Adolescent children are like a collection of contradictions, and almost everyone has experienced these contradictory psychological experiences. There is no doubt that this is a necessary and short period of growth, because it is only through this temporary pain that the individual can gradually mature.
Adolescence is a test of patience and wisdom for parents, and it is also a critical period for children to decide whether they can become independent.
I hope that parents can maintain more patience, listen to their children's voices, think from their perspective, and establish effective communication with their children to get through this critical moment together!
Interactive moment: Let's talk about what other "inner words" of adolescent children do you understand?