Young people who choose to have a three no wedding

Text|Daily People Club Liu Xuan.

Edit|Yi Fangxing.

Operations|Killer whale.

In today's story, some people minimalist the wedding to the extreme, except for the banquet on the wedding day, the only expense is 500 yuan to rent a stereo and microphone; Some people do not follow the routine of traditional weddings, cancel the "established" process of many weddings, and hold three-no weddings in the form of dinner parties; In order to pursue equality between the two parties, some people have canceled many links and tried to implement gender equality in weddings.

If you can cut the link, you can cut it from getting up at 8 o'clock in the morning, and Wang Shasha's three-no wedding began.

For the Sanwu wedding, it is essential to make up by herself, but Wang Shasha wants to be more extreme, she doesn't need a wedding dress, she wears a white dress that she bought from the Internet for 200 yuan, which is also the only dress she prepared for the wedding.

Coincidentally, the original price of this dress was 400 yuan, but after the arrival, I wore a small size, but the replacement plus the pre-sale, I couldn't catch up with the wedding date, I searched for the same style in the same city, and it was also a skirt prepared by a young lady for the wedding, but because of the epidemic delay, it was not completed, which saved me another 200 yuan. Wang Shasha is very satisfied with her three-no wedding.

In addition to these, the "three nos" of the wedding are also reflected in many places. First of all, there is no team, relatives and friends use whatever car they have, and she herself was still in the co-pilot of her husband that day; secondly, there is no cameraman, no wedding photos, and the photos are all taken by these friends who have known each other for more than ten years; the third is that there is no venue decoration, and the wedding hall is ready-made, without any decoration; Fourth, there is no extra expenses, in addition to the money for dinner on the wedding day, the only expense is to spend 500 yuan to rent a hotel speaker and microphone.

In addition to saving money on marriage costs, Wang Shasha has also cut many marriage processes.

After her husband came to the hotel to pick her up, there was no trouble for the groom, and there was no talent show, and after simply sending red envelopes, everyone gathered around and replaced the kissing game with scratch music; After going to the man's house, it took half an hour to complete the tea ceremony, and then moved to the wedding banquet hall. In this process, Wang Shasha did not have groomsmen and bridesmaids, only her best friends accompanied her to help sort out her clothes and bags.

The process of the wedding hall is also omitted. The host was served by herself, who read the script, toasted, and finished eating, and could end the rest very early.

People decide to hold a three-no wedding, usually for a variety of purposes, and the pursuit of wedding cost-effectiveness is just one of them.

The wedding should have been canceled. She canceled the kissing blockage, did not want groomsmen and bridesmaids, and did not have a convoy, because these made her feel uneasy and unhappy. On the contrary, she also added an interactive part that she had carefully prepared, which was the original intention of her desire to hold a three-no wedding.

Unlike some weddings that need to get up early and are deliberately arranged in the morning, Wanwan arranged the wedding at five o'clock in the afternoon, and there was no complicated process, Wanwan slowly walked behind her husband, patted him on the shoulder, and then entered together, and the whole ceremony was only half an hour.

However, these 30 minutes were carefully choreographed, for example, the bride and groom read and wrote a letter to each other, and arranged a "talk show" speech from friends and parents, which caused the audience to laugh. After removing the links that I don't like, the rest are likes, such as Wanwan and her husband dancing together to learn the swing dance 2 months in advance, and also engaging in some small games such as one stop to the end, patchwork, card reading, chorus and other small games, more like a party than a wedding.

Nowadays, like this, more and more young people are choosing to hold three-nil weddings. Two days ago, at the wedding held by Guangdong girl Xiaotong, seven marriage processes were canceled at the time of marriage (handover, elders speaking, luxury car fleet pick-up, complex matchmaking game, groom "kissing feet", excessive sensationalism, and inappropriate jokes) on Weibo hot search, with a reading volume of 2300 million, which has been supported by countless netizens. Everyone was exhausted by the complicated links and expensive expenses of traditional weddings, and the emergence of the three-no wedding began to rescue the struggling young people.

This can also be illustrated by relevant surveys. In July this year, the "2023 Young People's Ideal Wedding Report" released by the Houlang Research Institute showed that seventy percent of boys and girls believe that the door-blocking game is the most unnecessary link; Fifty percent of girls feel that it is a bad habit for their father to hand the groom's hand to the groom, and there is no need for the kissing process; Fifty percent of the boys blacklist the guest games and toasting the guests. On the contrary, their ideal wedding is a small and beautiful wedding of their own DIY, and more than sixty percent of young people want to create a relaxed wedding.

Figure stills.

Keeping pace with the timesIn this era of advocating cost-effectiveness, Wang Shasha's decision to hold a three-no wedding also has a lot to do with her lifestyle.

At the beginning of 2023, Wang Shasha resigned and stayed at home, and she began to reduce the number of things she bought and restrain her desire to buy useless things. A lot of consumption that she didn't care about will make her reflect on whether it makes sense. For example, once she went out for a walk with a friend and wore a pair of her favorite block heels, but her feet hurt and her legs hurt when she walked down. After that, something like this that looks good but is not practical, she decided to avoid it at the source and simply not buy it.

The same is true of the experience of preparing for marriage. Wang Shasha found that marriage is inseparable from spending money, which is a big burden for them - a good-looking wedding dress basically costs tens of thousands of yuan, plus a set of processes such as the "Four King Kongs" (emcee, photography, videographer, makeup artist), banquet, etc., may make Wang Shasha and her husband fall into debt.

Stills from "Marriage Wars".

Excessive spending at weddings has become a common phenomenon. For example, the "Marriage Industry Insights***" released by Gu Yu Data shows that the average cost of a wedding for young people is 1740,000 yuan, which is 88 times, and 42% of newcomers will spend more than their original budget.

What makes Wang Shasha even more tired of traditional weddings is the negative feeling that "the wedding day is almost a performance for others to see". "For example, if I find someone who wears makeup, I might have to wake up at 5 in the morning, and I think I'm paying for my guilt by doing this. ”

Therefore, in the end, except for the banquet that had to be kept, the other processes were completed in the replacement.

Others choose to hold a three-nil wedding in order to confront traditional ideas.

For example, Sophie, she cut off many aspects of her wedding, such as not needing to receive relatives and not need a wedding celebrant. Of all the processes, what she resents the most is the part of traditional weddings where the father hands his hand over to the husband. She feels that this process embodies a kind of "objectification", a sense of being handed over.

Therefore, the wedding of Sophie and his wife is actually more like a joint effort to complete an important life project. Each of them is responsible for what they are good at. They will record the time schedule of the wedding in detail, which links need to be kept, what needs to be completed at which point in time, and who needs to finalize the details with them, all of which have a clear and detailed plan.

And as a three-no wedding, in the absence of a master of ceremonies, friends are also involved to the greatest extent. For example, as a public relations officer, Sophie has a lot of friends and is responsible for most of the outreach work, such as docking with the hotel venue, determining the style of the dessert table, and finding someone to help with the wedding photo shoot at home. Her husband has a cultural and creative business in a media company, and is mainly responsible for preparing souvenirs and materials related to traditional cultural and tourist attractions in Shanxi for friends who come from afar. The two work together to align progress and solve problems together.

Therefore, behind the pursuit of three-no weddings, it also reflects the awakening of young people's self-consciousness in marriage in this era.

Questioning and rebelling against the holding of a three-no wedding is not all smooth sailing, and it will also be questioned and even blamed.

After Wang Shasha decided to hold a three-no wedding, there were many doubts among relatives and friends around her. Some said: "Marriage is a once-in-a-lifetime event, and the more grand it is, the better." Some said, "You two can have a snack." Some even said, "If you don't have enough money, tell your brother." ”

But Wang Shasha has a firmer voice in her heart, she hopes to recall this special day in a few years, and what comes to mind is not the word "tired", but hopes that the two of them can spend this day comfortably. This "tiredness" is not only economic, but also psychological. More importantly, she insisted on one thing, the wedding is not for others to see, but for herself, so she wants to choose her favorite and most comfortable way to hold the wedding.

Therefore, she and her husband chose a day, sat down and discussed the three-no wedding with their parents, and for this purpose, they prepared in detail all kinds of expenses needed for the wedding. In the end, both parents finally agreed.

Compared with the perspective of cost performance, Wanwan's persuasion method is not about money, but about her feeling of freedom.

Wanwan's "strategy" is to convince her husband first. Wanwan's husband, who is five years older than her, was surprised by Wanwan's first reaction to Wanwan's suggestion that she wanted to hold a wedding in the evening, because usually, wedding receptions are held during the day, and many of them are held in the morning.

In Wanwan's view, communication itself is also a process of mutual influence. She often shares some vlog bloggers' weddings and cases that have appeared on social platforms and sends them to her husband, which subtly affects him.

Convincing the husband, they began to communicate with their respective parents. Wanwan's parents are more enlightened parents, but they still mind the dinner party, so Wanwan changed her words. She asked her parents not to think of it as not a wedding, but a gathering of young people, and invited them to the party.

After packaging it like this, the parents finally agreed.

Of course, in addition to these, Wanwan insisted on the wedding form of not accepting relatives and sending relatives, and not handing over her father, and also wanted to convey her attitude in marriage - she didn't want to be recognized as a girl getting married, which means that she wants to be a good wife and mother, and it doesn't mean that girls don't have a real home. After getting married, she is still the child of her parents, and she is still herself.

Figure stills.

Under the times, the change of concept has also given courage to young people who want to hold a three-no wedding.

Before she got married, Sophie attended many of her friends' weddings. The bride gets up at 4 o'clock to put on makeup, and then picks up kisses, blocks the door games, receives her in-laws, ceremonies, and toasts. In addition to the bride's tiredness, many people in the family are paying for this good deed, everyone is happy, but it is actually very hard.

Especially 2021, which was the year of Sophie's self-enlightenment. She read Chizuruko Ueno's books and participated in salons where women's topics were discussed. Slowly, she began to become more and more aware of the implied "inequality" in traditional weddings. For example, before, the "bridesmaid" incident at the wedding that has been on the hot search many times and so on.

At the same time, some scholars have also sorted out the process of gender discrimination in weddings. For example, according to the "National Customs Chronicle of China", "the marriage customs between Jianghuai and Huai are ......When the sedan chair arrives at the door, the door must be closed for an hour, and the sedan chair is ordered to enter, which is said to stop persuading. "Before the Huzhou bride arrives at the door, she first puts a bag on the bed, or a flat burden, as the saying goes. A similar phenomenon can still be seen in some places today.

For Sophie, she was lucky. Because of the way she gets along with her parents, sometimes she is more like a friend. They also talk about gender, so when she asks to cancel certain sessions, parents can finally understand.

"Nowadays, the reason why three-free weddings have become a trend, to some extent, is indeed because of the tangible benefits it can bring.

For example, in the case of Wang Shasha's minimalism everywhere, her wedding really saved money. Although there was no more detailed statistics in the end, a rough calculation showed that there were tens of thousands of yuan saved.

Compared with saving money, what is more important is that the wedding meets her requirements for herself, that is, "no perfection, no extravagance, no rush, and a smile to finish the day".

For Wang Shasha, this is a kind of self-identification. She insisted on applying her minimalist concept to the complicated wedding, omitting unnecessary expenses and links, and did not work hard, she was happy and did not feel tired, and her family and friends also felt simple, novel and relaxed.

This wedding, although it is three nothings, is also not lacking in moments that make her remember. For example, at the wedding, as an i-person, she broke through her social fear, walked on the red carpet, and completed the challenge of being a host for the first time.

For a long time, she didn't know how to express her love to her parents. But this wedding made up for it. She finally said the three words "I love you" to her father in her life, and in the audience, her father, who was also not good at expressing emotions, shed tears after hearing it.

Therefore, holding a three-no, four-no, or even five-no, wedding does not mean hasty, but is more in line with the purpose of sincerity, happiness and happiness.

Wanwan is the same, what she wants most is that all the guests present can have a good time.

And she did. After the wedding, even the mother, who was skeptical at first, began to promote it to her friends: "If your children get married in the future, they will come to our daughter, she has a very good wedding, the form is very novel, and she is very happy throughout the whole process." ”

However, the three-no wedding is also not blindly simplified, and some links are even more complicated and attentive than traditional weddings.

For example, wedding gifts, every gift in it is carefully prepared by Wanwan-

Candy is indispensable. However, the packaging is a candy box with a "seed card" attached. After the wedding, the "seed card" can be planted after the guests have taken it home, which in Wanwan's view is a form of continuing the romance;

Graceful wedding gifts. Figure provided by the interviewee.

Also gave a cup. Because her own cat couldn't attend the wedding, Wanwan asked a friend to hand-draw the cat's pattern and print it on the cup, so that the cat could participate in the form of a comic;

Worried that the guests did not bring bags, Wanwan also specially ordered a canvas bag printed with lyrics for everyone to carry. After that, Wanwan also received a return picture of her friends using canvas bags, which shows that her souvenirs are really recognized, and not short-term, but long-term.

And such a three-no wedding, just like Wanwan printed on the souvenir canvas bag, her favorite lyrics-

packing the stuff and throwing away."(Throw away the baggage and go into battle with ease.) ）

The names of the interviewees have been changed).

Reference articles: 1] "How many people's wallets have been emptied when contemporary young people get married once?" 》Tencent News Gu Yu data.

2] "Boys are annoyed to block the door, girls are afraid of kissing, and there are still 8 percent of young people who want to have a wedding? 》2023 Young People's Ideal Wedding Report.