Zi said: "Ma crown, etiquette; Today is also pure, thrifty, I follow the crowd. Bow down, bow also; Worship today, Taiya; Although it is against the public, I will follow it. ”
Confucius said, "It is proper to use twine to make a top hat; Nowadays, silk is used to make top hats, which is more frugal, and I agree with everyone's approach. When the minister sees the king, he first kowtows under the hall, and then ascends to the hall to kowtow, which is in line with etiquette; Now everyone is just kowtowing, which is a sign of arrogance. Although it violates everyone's practice, I still advocate kowtowing in the hall first. ”
This chapter deals with Confucius's attitude towards formal flexibility that does not affect principles, but must adhere to principles when they reach the bottom. This is a very important sense of proportion in Confucianism, what can be reformed and what can be customized, and what must have a sense of boundary.
Confucius agreed to use silk instead of twine to make top hats, because twine is more delicate and complex in hand, and silk thread saves a lot of labor and time, so Confucius did not object, although the material has been changed, but it does not affect the thoroughness of etiquette. So there is nothing wrong with being flexible in form. However, the courtesy of the monarch and the minister, first kowtow under the hall, and then kowtow after the promotion, which is a complete etiquette between the upper and lower levels, representing a kind of awe and respect, Confucius believes that this kind of ritual must not be reduced, otherwise it will make the courtiers arrogant, and then the development will promote their greed and complacency, out of control.
For example, now, in order to get closer to the relationship between the boss and the employees, some of them are hot with the employees, without a sense of distance, at the beginning they still feel that the boss and employees are a family, and slowly develop downward, you will feel that the employees have lost their basic respect for the boss, and even think that the company is yours and mine, I don't have to listen to your words, and then later, the employees even began to call the boss, the boss is tired like an old scalper, and the employee is the uncle in the company. This is the sense of boundary, and the sense of distance is not grasped well. The boss is the boss, you must keep a certain distance from the employees, the etiquette and etiquette must be in place, if you lose respect and piety, you will lose your prestige, then you will be controlled by the employees. Some parents say that they want to be friends with their children, and as a result, the son and Lao Tzu call them brothers, and even call them by their names, and in the end you will find that he doesn't care about what you say, the father is the father, the son is the son, not a friend, you can respect him, you can understand him, but this order of respect and inferiority must be there, otherwise it will lose its routine, and a family will be chaotic.
It's the same between husband and wife, why are some women abused by men, because you didn't grasp this principle at the beginning of the clues, such as joking, but you can't cross the line, some men are angry, turn out your ancestors for eighteen generations and scold it, how can you bear it? This mistake that touches on a matter of principle must be apologized for, and the first appearance must be strangled into the cradle. There are also couples who start pushing and shoving when a few words are wrong, which is a precursor to domestic violence. If you don't stop it at this time, you will lose his basic respect for you next, so the first time this happens, you must make it clear that you don't accept it, and make the other person pay the price you deserve. It's not a trivial matter, and there is no big flesh damage, you just forget it, then next time it will not be this kind of petty fight, you can eat with a group of female colleagues and friends, but going on a single date is hurting my respect as a wife, this is a matter of principle, and it must be clear which are the transgressions that you cannot accept. Many women have been married for many years, and their family life is unhappy, that is, they do not give in when they deal with issues of principle, and they desperately wronged themselves when they should not give in. So step back, step by step, until you push yourself to a dead end and there is no way back.
Therefore, Confucius told us that the formal red tape can be flexible and flexible, and the problems that hurt the principle must adhere to one's own views and never give in, otherwise, a country and a family will lose their normal order, and they will go to ruin.
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