In Zhong Yuemin's life, Zhou Xiaobai is an indispensable woman. Their relationship only stopped at that shallow kiss and did not develop further. Zhou Xiaobai had longed for a more intimate contact with Zhong Yuemin, but Zhong Yuemin, the man who was always chasing the unknown, had already set his sights elsewhere.
When Zhong Yuemin first arrived in northern Shaanxi, he met Qinling, which made his heart move. Jiang Biyun scoffed at Zhong Yuemin's behavior, and she mocked him for always being unsatisfied, wanting both this and that. But Zhong Yuemin smiled indifferently, he told a story about a prodigal son who returned to his hometown and found that his former lover had become someone else's wife. He seems to see feelings quite thoroughly.
He looked at the yellow earth under his feet and said to Jiang Biyun: "This land may not be suitable for roses, only some sorghum and corn can be planted." The environment is so harsh, and beautiful flowers need the right temperature and moisture, just as feelings need a harmonious environment. His words reveal a sober awareness of reality.
In Zhong Yuemin's eyes, Zhou Xiaobai is like a delicate flower, unable to withstand the cold of life. He thinks that if the relationship is going to end, then it is better to end it while it is still beautiful. For his romantic memories with Zhou Xiaobai, he only mentioned the shallow kiss.
Zhong Yuemin has always had high requirements for women's appearance, which may be due to his mother's beauty. And Zhou Xiaobai is naturally beautiful. But her beauty is not only her appearance, but also all her fascination with Zhong Yuemin.
Their first love is full of heartbeat and exploration. During a frolic, the two hugged each other, and Zhou Xiaobai gently pressed his face against his chest. At this moment, they seemed to become one.
Although Zhong Yuemin claims to be a veteran of the love field, in front of Zhou Xiaobai, he looks like an innocent teenager. Their first love is so beautiful, but life is always full of uncertainties, and relationships need to be in the right environment to thrive. In that conservative era, Zhong Yuemin challenged the confines of tradition in a different way. He stroked Zhou Xiaobai's hair, hesitating whether to take that step. Finally, he plucked up his courage and asked tentatively: "Xiaobai, we ......."What's next?”
Zhou Xiaobai, a good girl who grew up under the care of her parents, still seems shy in the face of the love between men and women. In her heart, she may think that Zhong Yuemin is so chic and uninhibited, coupled with his familiar touch just now, the next step is to move towards a deeper relationship. However, she was overly concerned. Zhong Yuemin is not a real master of love, and his heart is still confused.
He cheekily proposed, "I think it's ......."The next step is kissing. I don't know what it's like to kiss, Xiaobai, why don't we try it?”
Zhou Xiaobai cherishes every moment of gathering with Zhong Yuemin, and she hopes that time can flow slowly, so that every moment is full of sweetness. While Zhong Yuemin was still thinking about whether to continue, she had buried her face in his chest, indulging in his warmth.
However, at this moment, Zhong Yuemin suddenly retreated, and he said: "If you are afraid, then don't do it." To be honest, I was a little scared too. ”
But how could Zhou Xiaobai give up this heart-warming moment?She is deeply in love with Zhong Yuemin.
The lips finally met, Zhou Xiaobai only felt dizzy, and strong emotions surged in his heart. Her thoughts went blank for a moment, and her body became weak ......Zhong Yuemin's mind was also in chaos, he didn't expect the woman's lips to be so soft, they were sinking when he touched it, and that strange feeling instantly spread throughout his body, causing trembling ......
First love is like a flower of youth, which needs to be carefully cared for, Lao She said. But for Zhong Yuemin, an "unruly soul", first love is more like bondage. From the day Zhou Xiaobai left, he understood that the two belonged to different worlds after all. Dear Zhou Xiaobai:
When I first stepped into the land of northern Shaanxi, I came across the Qinling Mountains. Our encounter is like the arrangement of fate, we are attracted to each other and have a heart-to-heart connection. We're all the kind of people who only focus on the process and don't care about the outcome. Some people may say that we "smell the same", but I think this is what we call "sympathy".
However, I am deeply sorry for such feelings for you. Because I know that you don't just care about the process, you expect a good outcome. Reason tells me that you and I are destined to be people of two worlds. Sensuality whispered in my ear, Qin Ling is the same as me, as long as he enjoys the process.
So, I wrote this breakup letter. I understand that this is a heavy blow to you, I see your tears slipping down and hear the sound of you packing your luggage, you are going to come to northern Shaanxi to find me, and I want a clear answer. Luo Yun's appearance is your luck, she helped you block your impulsive steps.
Zhou Xiaobai, your feelings are like a storm, menacing. You say, "I don't know what to do, and I go deep." "Your firmness and perseverance move me and dread me. I admit that I like you and probably even love you. But I couldn't live with that feeling of being bound. In the world of feelings, whoever is serious first loses. Your affection for me stresses me out and I'm afraid that continuing will make you suffer more.
Cangyang Gyatso once wrote: "Doing happy things with a lover, regardless of whether it is a catastrophe or fate." "That's exactly how I approach relationships. And the appearance of Qinling just makes our separation earlier.
Years later, I learned your true feelings for me. You said that you thought that it was my relationship with Qin Ling that caused us to separate, but in fact it was not. You say I left you because I thought you were too "axial" and your persistence made me feel terrified. You say that I never promised you anything, but I have made you suffer so much.
Zhou Xiaobai, I want to tell you that your persistence and affection are what many men yearn for. But for me, it's a burden. Your firmness and persistence scare me because I can't give you the same response. I'm not the kind of person who is content with a stable life, I have restless blood in my bones.
In the days when I was in northern Shaanxi, I experienced the years of famine. At that time, many educated youths chose to endure hunger, and I was unwilling to succumb to fate. I want to go out and find a better life, even if the road is difficult. This is my character and the reason why I chose to leave you. Because I know that life with you may not be what you want.
May you find the one who can make you happy and who can give you happiness. I hope you can find someone who is willing to face the storms of life with you and who is willing to promise you a future. I, on the other hand, will remember the good times we had and wish you happiness in the future.
Goodbye, Zhou Xiaobai.
Despite sitting on the loess slopes catching lice, Zhong Yuemin feels that this is a new and energetic way of life. He pursues a life of constant change and exploration, and he longs to experience a variety of different experiences, so that life is always full of freshness. He is well aware that this lifestyle is not tolerated by every woman.
Even his beloved Zhou Xiaobai can't accept such a lifestyle. Zhou Xiaobai yearns for a stable and comfortable life, she longs for a warm home, a husband who loves her, and an ordinary and beautiful daily life. She firmly believes that the woman who can accompany Zhong Yuemin through this wandering life has not yet appeared.
Although Qin Ling claimed that as long as the process did not lead to results, in the end she failed to walk the road "on the road" with Zhong Yuemin. Her "on the road" is only a spiritual banishment, while the body is still seeking comfort in the midst of prosperity. Perhaps this is also the reason why Zhong Yuemin is drifting away from her.
The life that Zhong Yuemin pursues is as described by the writer Qi Jinnian: embracing the farthest dreams, even if facing the dilemma of freezing weather and death. And the life that Zhou Xiaobai yearns for is "someone asks me about porridge and warmth, and someone accompanies me to stand at dusk".
The misalignment of life goals and values makes Zhou Xiaobai's love feel like being at the low end of the scale, which may never be fair. However, Zhou Xiaobai paid all his emotions in this gambling game that must be lost. The pain of not being able to love always fills people's hearts with resentment.
A few years later, when the two met again in Beijing, Zhou Xiaobai thought that time had diluted his feelings for Zhong Yuemin, and even turned his former love into resentment. However, when Zhong Yuemin appeared in front of her again, she couldn't hold a grudge against him. Although resentment is no longer there, anger is real. Zhou Xiaobai scolded Zhong Yuemin: "Zhong Yuemin, you are a bastard!."Have you forgotten how we met?
You shouldn't have provoked me with a hippie smile in the first place, and when I fell in love with you, you inadvertently dumped me. Do you know how I've come over the years?"In Zhou Xiaobai's cognition, it was you, Zhong Yuemin, who provoked me first, why are you dumping me now, this matter is what you owe me. Zhong Yuemin is indeed very righteous as a buddy, and no one can match him, but ** people are really inconsiderate. Sadly, after breaking up with Zhou Xiaobai, he tried his best to match Zhou Xiaobai and Zhang Haiyang together. This kind of behavior is tantamount to stabbing Zhou Xiaobai in the heart with a knife.
Zhou Xiaobai and Zhang Haiyang's marriage is largely because she and Zhong Yuemin are angry, which can also be said to be a kind of revenge. Because Zhong Yuemin actually loves Zhou Xiaobai deeply in his heart, but he can't give her the life she wants. And Zhou Xiaobai and Zhang Haiyang have been married for a long time, but they have never been able to accept him wholeheartedly (never **) Zhang Haiyang understands that Zhou Xiaobai does not accept himself because he still has Zhong Yuemin in his heart. Zhou Xiaobai did this, undoubtedly building a barrier between Zhong Yuemin and Zhang Haiyang, and Zhong Yuemin values the righteousness of his buddies very much, so isn't this a kind of revenge against Zhong Yuemin?
Time flies, and after Zhang Haiyang's patience, Zhou Xiaobai finally decided to accept him. When making this decision, Zhou Xiaobai said to Zhong Yuemin: "Yuemin, I plan to fully accept Zhang Haiyang, move home to live with him, and let it pass." I tell you, it's a responsibility to my husband and it's a responsibility to you. ”
When Zhong Yuemin heard this, his heart was full of anxiety. On the one hand, he hoped that Zhou Xiaobai and Zhang Haiyang could live a good life, but on the other hand, he felt pain, because the woman he once loved was about to belong to someone else. That night, Zhong Yuemin borrowed wine to kill his sorrows, and when he was drunk, he called Gao Yue and said: "I don't know who I can say these words to, do you know?."Xiaobai and Zhang Haiyang got married, and I made it up myself, what can I do?Qinling. Hey, don't mention it.
However, all of this was caused by Zhong Yuemin himself. As Zhang Haiyang said: "Yuemin, you love everyone, but you love yourself more." Zhong Yuemin loves Zhou Xiaobai and Qin Ling, but what he loves most is himself, that unrestrained freedom.
Finally, I would like to conclude with a sentence from Fu Seoul to all girls like Zhou Xiaobai: Nothing is rightfully yours, including love. So it's good to be a little sad when you lose, and regret is the norm.